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Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 31)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 31 of 40

  1. Hey Darryl, good news, your fax went through.

    Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50163

  2. Up high.

    Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50165

  3. Dunder Mifflin, this is Andy. I put out some new magazines, check it out.

    Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50167

  4. I'm acting like I like reception and I'm a really good actor, so people are actually buying that I actually like reception, but, I mean, seriously, reception sucks. Oh, there's the phone!

    Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50169

  5. Mail call! His name is Oscar, and he got some mail, and he better open it, or go to jail 'cause it's your taxes. His name is Kevin, and no mail for him, but he got a coupon, for some frozen... yogurt.

    Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50202

  6. Yes I am, as a matter of fact.

    Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50217

  7. I found my calling.

    Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50219

  8. Ugh! Fine. Did you see this?

    Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50222

  9. I mean...

    Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50224

  10. Dunder Mifflin, how can I help you save money on paper? This is Andrew.

    Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50240

  11. Oh, she's on an assignment in Florida for a couple of weeks.

    Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50242

  12. I miss her too.

    Season 8 · Episode 15 · Line 50244

  13. Check this out. My brother just got a new sailboat. He has NO idea what he just got himself into. There's nothing harder than taking care of a boat'am i right?

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50272

  14. Okay, everybody. 5:00. Workday is over. Put your pencils down. Aaannnnddd bring 'em back up, because now, the late night work jam begins!

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50301

  15. Say what?

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50303

  16. Say what?

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50305

  17. Say-

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50308

  18. Tonight we're staying late to service the accounts of the people who went on the Florida trip.

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50311

  19. 'ball droppings can be beautiful. For example, when it turns an awkward soprano into a rich, full tenor.

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50313

  20. Who is ready for dinner? 'oh, I bet it's pizza, or tacos, or something stupid'. No. I went south of the border for this. And then I went south of that border. And we have ourselves' A Jamaican feast, mon!

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50362

  21. Additional trivia factoid, this food comes to us through Val. And our server is none other than Brandon, her boyf!

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50364

  22. Heyyy' let's get back to the food. Brandon, tell us about these delicious looking goops!

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50380

  23. Goat'

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50382

  24. Thornwood Wholesalers.

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50402

  25. I'm pretty sure if Darryl sent Val a text, it was about some paper emergency or something.

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50408

  26. ' yeah'

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50410

  27. Thank you.

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50413

  28. Kelly, remember how you wanted to go home before?

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50415

  29. Play it cool, man. She'll come around.

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50524

  30. Yeah, but' My friend Jim would tell you to play it cool.

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50526

  31. Cool-down fiesta begins right now. I got decaf coffee'

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50563

  32. I got Romy and Michele's High School Reunion'

    Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50565

  33. Morning, everyone.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50627

  34. Don't care. Tell me later.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50629

  35. What do you got?

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50631

  36. Yes, I do. Phyllis.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50634

  37. What?

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50636

  38. Here's what happened. Pam and I were arriving for the day. And there was a gang in the parking lot on bikes, on, on motorcycles. And they were just hassling Pam'

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50642

  39. They had, uh' weapons.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50644

  40. I just stepped in to talk some sense into them.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50646

  41. Punches were going, and I ducked a few, landed a couple, and I was fighting them off. It was totally, like, like, senseless crime.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50648

  42. I didn't do anything any of you wouldn't have done.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50652

  43. No.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50664

  44. No, no, no, no, no, we don't need to call the police. They'll just ask everybody questions, get up in everyone's business, right, Pam?

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50666

  45. And my eye will heal. But if the police come, then we will forever stain our neighborhood as a troubled area.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50668

  46. Because I have neighborhood Pride. 1-8-5-0-5.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50670

  47. Exactly. We need to feel safe, which is why' Toby is giving us self defense training.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50675

  48. Right Toby? Will you teach us self defense?

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50677

  49. Great.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50679

  50. What if you're being attacked by a ' smallish man who happens to not have a groin?

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50704

  51. What if you're being attacked by a 4'11' man who is penisless?

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50706

  52. Why don't we start with the basics? Show us how to defend ourselves against a baby, and then like, a fifth grade girl, and then, you know, if we have time, on up to a scary man.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50708

  53. So in that scenario, what if the victim sucker-punches the attacker in the face? What can the attacker then do to better protect himself?

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50710

  54. Take that, kid.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50715

  55. I think you guys might have the wrong Office.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50745

  56. Listen, I don't know what you guys are talking about, but I guess I'll just accept your apology so we can get on with our day.

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50760

  57. Oh...

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50767

  58. Hey, hey, hey. Kelly Kelly, Kelly... come on.... Ow! God! My good eye!

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50842

  59. You know why I got hit by girls? Because I stood up for others. Pam and for Toby. I stepped in and I didn't care that I was standing up to girls. You may wanna ask yourselves, 'Where were you when the girls came?'

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50844

  60. Tough day. Yes. But I feel good. I put the office in their place, took a bunch of pain killers, drank a half a bottle of wine, took my pants off. I just feel good!

    Season 8 · Episode 17 · Line 50845

  61. Everyone stop what you're doing, I have terrible news. Dwight is no longer with us.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50853

  62. He's gone, damn it! He's been promoted to VP of Sabre Retail and he's staying in Florida forever.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50855

  63. Yeah. That was him on the phone. He sounds wonderful.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50857

  64. How could I have been more clear? He had a massive stroke of good fortune and he is now in a better place.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50859

  65. I think that Dwight wanted us to realize that this conversation among friends is the true treasure.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50863

  66. Yeah, I know, Oscar we all are but nobody's gonna open it. You'd have to be insane.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50865

  67. Now, carefully... open the box.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50867

  68. Would if I could. And I can so I will. Put me down for one box. Don't care what it is, dealer's choice.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50886

  69. Damn it.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50888

  70. Hello?

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50974

  71. Oh, now mine's broken. Hang on. Oh, there we go.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 50976

  72. No.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51000

  73. I don't buy it. It, that is a freckle. That is not a tan, ok? I'm gonna have to inspect it in person when you get back here. I want you looking totally 'puerto ricania' when i see you.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51002

  74. What?

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51004

  75. Yeah, that's awesome. That's great.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51008

  76. I'm just dealing with Erin's stuff since apparently she's not coming back. And she didn't bother to tell anyone.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51057

  77. Ryan, why didn't you tell me?

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51059

  78. You never update it.

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51061

  79. Does anyone else think this is weird? And like, kind of uncool, actually? To leave us without a receptionist?

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51063

  80. I'm going to Florida to get Erin. Forgot to turn off my email. It's crazy, right? It's just, when she said she was leaving, I felt so- 'You're about to close four tabs, are you sure you want to continue?' Yes. I am sure. Ah, slow computer!

    Season 8 · Episode 18 · Line 51116

  81. Hello.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51174

  82. Hey, Robert. Ah, I really wish I could come in to work today, but I'm super sick.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51176

  83. Okay, I'll try to come in even though I'm really sick with the...

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51178

  84. ...Florida Flu.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51179

  85. I'm in Florida to get Erin. As soon as I heard she wasn't coming back to Scranton, I jumped straight in my car and drove straight down till I hit the ocean. My heart is my map. Turns out, Tallahassee is about 200 miles inland, so I overshot a good amount. But still, not bad for a heart map right? Oh, no. Thanks a lot, BP.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51181

  86. Here I am; Signed, sealed, delivered; I'm yours!

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51193

  87. Uh, I am here to take you back to Scranton. Because I love you and I want to be with you.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51195

  88. Hm?

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51197

  89. Well, we're not really dating anymore, so... basically, I mean, I just have to cross a few Ts and dot a few I's, you know.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51218

  90. All right. Technically, yes, I am still technically dating Jessica. But when I realized that I wanted you back, I just jumped in the car and I drove down here, and I didn't want to stop until I saw you.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51221

  91. Please leave a message for Andy Bernard, include your na-

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51225

  92. Nope. It's just work. Not important. You know, I can really feel this is my quads, I can tell I'm getting stronger.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51228

  93. I don't know. Just let it vibrate. It's fine.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51230

  94. I don't think it does that.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51232

  95. Jim?

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51236

  96. I- I'm home in bed. I've been in bed all day. I got the-- I got the serious poops, man.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51238

  97. What do you mean, take my job?

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51241

  98. Okay... Jim, I really appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm not coming home without Erin. So I'll talk to you later.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51243

  99. Yeah, if I had my own--

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51308

  100. --sorry, you go.

    Season 8 · Episode 19 · Line 51310