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Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 37)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 37 of 40

  1. Well, Valentine's surprise for Erin. Hello? Super romantic. And I got you something. Oh, it's a couple of pieces of bamboo. Big deal, right? No. These are musical instruments. It's so we can play island music together. Cause I have this. Clop the cloppers. Yeah, clop 'em. It's called Bembe.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56792

  2. Obviously, that's why I'm here. I mean, I came back early to surprise Erin. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart. But, I'm just saying, I'm also excited about the Wallace meeting.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56794

  3. I have no idea. I don't know what he knows or doesn't know. But we've been in touch the whole time. I mean, it's not hard to get high-speed internet in Turks de Caicos, people. It's in every Bembe cafe.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56797

  4. Question. Where's Jim?

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56799

  5. For two hours? Really?

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56801

  6. If the shoe fits.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56803

  7. I noticed that you landed the Scranton White Pages account. That is tremendous.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56811

  8. And you sold it to Jan too.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56813

  9. I mean... I'm impressed.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56815

  10. Well, there's one problem. Couldn't help but notice that you offered a price point that was not approved by the head office. So... gotta run that stuff by me, Dwight.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56817

  11. I was...

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56819

  12. That...

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56821

  13. OK. The issue is that you need to run this stuff by me. Coolio? Are we coolio? Just say the word 'coolio'.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56823

  14. Say it.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56825

  15. Coolio.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56827

  16. Just gonna call the Scranton White Pages and clear this right up.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56829

  17. Hey, Jan. Nard dog here.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56832

  18. I was just looking over the paperwork. I found a little hiccup.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56834

  19. Yeah. It appears my employee offered you a price that he was not authorized to.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56836

  20. No. No, no, no Jan I think you misunderstood.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56841

  21. It, it's, it's actually just an issue...

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56844

  22. Jan, I don't know what he's talking about but...

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56847

  23. Well, ah, ah...

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56849

  24. Aw! That was not how I had hoped that would go.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56851

  25. Hey, everybody, great job. Listen, we're a smidge behind on my paychecks.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56852

  26. All right. Thank you very much. Looking good. Who's that little fella?

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56854

  27. Wow, that's wonderful!

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56856

  28. Uh-huh.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56858

  29. Uh-huh... Uh-huh. Thank you. Great. Well, we're all up to speed.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56860

  30. What's going on in here, dirty players? Let's get back to busting some paper rhymes. Come on. Who's that girl? Who's that girl? It's Andy! All right. Back to work.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56872

  31. I need you guys to tell me all the highlights from the last three months in case David asks. Just a few things I could sprinkle into conversation. Any big sales or office gossip.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56880

  32. Not helpful. Let's stay positive, people. OK?

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56882

  33. Hey! David! How are ya? Ah, we were just having our weekly round table where we motivate each other. Not gonna lie, I get as much out of it as they do.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56884

  34. Thank you.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56886

  35. Great!

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56888

  36. We had to let a warehouse guy go?!

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56890

  37. What?!

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56893

  38. There was a fire in the warehouse?

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56895

  39. This is what I'm talking about! This would be good to know. All right, what else?

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56898

  40. What?!

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56900

  41. No kidding?

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56902

  42. Wow. Go Kathy. She's like 50.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56904

  43. Good, good. What else?

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56906

  44. Who knew the balloon game would be so lucrative? And thank god, right? We needed the income after the fire.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56907

  45. The warehouse fire. Weren't you just down there? It's like burnt to ashes.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56909

  46. I am speaking metaphorically, of course. You know I have lots of irons in quote-unquote fire. Well, that's one of them. You know, making sure that the warehouse logistics is a well-oiled, properly-stoked fire.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56911

  47. I think you'll agree I explained that pretty well.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56913

  48. Thank you.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56915

  49. Yeah, I guess.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56918

  50. Yeah, it just sort of sounds like noise to me now. You think I need a new fish?

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56920

  51. What?

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56922

  52. OK, I get it. You're unhappy. I've been gone a long time and we lost a little bit of juju. But, you and me, we have a future. There is a lot of love here.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56924

  53. On your side. But there's tons on my side. It's gushing. We're just out of sync right now. But that's just timing, it's timing. I mean, my parents lasted 38, 40 years. They were never happy at the same time.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56926

  54. I mean, what do we have left? 35, maybe 40 years? If we're lucky. I mean, I have spent a lot of time in the sun.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56928

  55. I'm gonna be a prune in like, 3 years.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56930

  56. I know you may not be feeling love for me right now but, if you fake it, I won't be able to tell the difference. So, I'll feel good. And then, eventually, maybe, you'll actually start to love me again.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56932

  57. Yes. Come on. Totally.

    Season 9 · Episode 15 · Line 56934

  58. I resent that. I, I never lied to you.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56961

  59. And all was good in Scranton PA that day.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56963

  60. Oscar says 'hi' all the time. He says all kinds of greetings. 'Hi' 'Hello' 'Hola' You're telling me you've never heard Oscar say 'hi'?

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56965

  61. But you're calling me a liar.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56967

  62. By the way, that reminds me, I want to ask you about some of the lies you've been telling lately.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56969

  63. Oh, here we go, January seventh 2013. 'Hey Andy, all's well. Been meaning to make it down there but my wife's sick.' Well, which is it?! Is all well or is your wife sick?! BUSTED!

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56971

  64. This has been a really tough time.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56973

  65. Yeah.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56975

  66. Erin just dumped me and I can't remember any of the aha moments I had on the boat, and I know it sounds weird to say but I really miss my beard.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56977

  67. It was like a security blan-

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56979

  68. -ket

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56981

  69. You're not?

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56983

  70. That's awesome.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56985

  71. David, I'll be there for you. These five words I swear to you. When you breathe, I want to be here for you. I'll be there for you. That's a poem by J.B. Jovi. I want you to have it.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56987

  72. Crystal.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56989

  73. Vanilla. Vanilla Ice. It was a band.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56991

  74. Good morning.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56992

  75. And how are you on this fine-

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56994

  76. Ok, we ready? Don't use that part. Last week, Erin told me that our relationship would be proceeding without me. Now I have to see her everyday at work. Which is...brutal. When people say office relationships are a good idea, they never talk about what might happen if you break up.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56995

  77. Ahhh! Oooooh! ahh

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 56996

  78. Where are you going?

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57030

  79. Wha? Oh, burn. Uh, excuse me. What, everyone can just leave whenever they want now?

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57032

  80. I'm still the boss!

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57034

  81. The answer is yes.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57036

  82. Are they from you?

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57038

  83. Well then, I don't want them. You can keep 'em. In fact, you can keep that big blue Nautica sweater, I know how much you love it.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57040

  84. Nope, I insist upon it. It's an awesome sweater. Some great memories tied up in that thing.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57042

  85. I don't want to talk about work right now.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57044

  86. Then I want my big blue sweater back.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57046

  87. She got rid of it. My blue sweater. What is that about?

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57050

  88. Stay! We are in the bro-zone layer. Ok? Nard dog, Plop and Clarker Posey, AKA Clarkwork Orange. Here's the sitch: Erin dumped me, natch. But she got rid of my blue sweater, which was her favorite. Is she moving on a little fast, or am I being a total psycho? Plop, you go first.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57052

  89. Survey says: ENH! Doesn't make me feel better at all. Zero Clark Thirty, what do you got?

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57054

  90. Last night I ordered a pizza by myself and I ate it over the sink like a rat.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57056

  91. No.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57058

  92. May not seem like it, but this really helped. So, thank you.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57060

  93. Why doesn't Erin seem sad? Has she found someone new or something? And if so, why hasn't she told me? Is she trying to spare my feelings? During breakups, the mind goes to some crazy dark places.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57082

  94. I'm not snooping, there's just some crud on her screen.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57084

  95. Uh, hello! Who's snooping on who now?

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57091

  96. Everyone please, just-

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57095

  97. Oh my god.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57100

  98. Darryl, Clark, Toby, Kevin, Plop. Take a knee. Alright, you guys are gonna think I'm psycho again. Uh, couldn't shake this feeling that Erin's dating someone so I looked at her phone.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57105

  99. Too late. I found out she's been texting a guy named Pete. Does anybody know a Pete?

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57107

  100. Come on in. Have a seat. Uh, thanks for coming in, I just gotta get something off my chest. I just got some really weird news and uh, I'm just gonna come out and say it. I just got off the phone with my doctor, and it turns out I contracted shlmydia...from Erin. And it's incurable. Pretty lame huh?

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57140