Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 32)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 32 of 40

1. Well, I was just going to say that, if I had my own fountain, it would be two frogs that are spitting into each other's mouth. It's just stupid. What were you going to say?

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2. You broke my heart too.

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3. I'm so sorry that we have not loved each other at the same time.

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4. [sighs]

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5. That did not go how I wanted it to. Ugh. I have a whole ton of Erin's favorite food for the drive back, eggplant parm. It's biodegradable. Animals will eat it.

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6. Erin!

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7. Okay.

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8. Wait, we have to go back and get your stuff.

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9. Like your toothbrush and stuff.

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10. You don't have a toothbrush?

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11. How do you not have a toothbrush?

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12. You just use whichever one is sitting there?

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13. Of course. I own my toothbrush.

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14. Two crazy kids on the journey of life.

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15. On the road with my new girlfriend. But first, a small pit stop to break up with my current girlfriend who is at her parents' cabin in southern Pennsylvania.

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16. Mm-hmm. It's a beautiful place. Great place to let her down easy.

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17. Oh. Hmm.

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18. Time to have a little kiss!

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19. Mm. Sorry. Right. No kisses till the breakup is official.

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20. I believe in that.

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21. I think that's important. That is important. Bummer, but important.

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22. Mm-hmm.

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23. ...and Jessica, just so you know, this is way more about my love for Erin than anything wrong with you.

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24. Consider it nailed.

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25. Okay, here we go. Jessica, I'm really sorry. I just need you to know-

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26. I just need you to know-

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27. Wow. There's a lot of cars here. This is just weird.

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28. Hey, Lauren. Look at you.

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29. I was just on my way back from this business trip, thought I'd stop and say hi to Jessica.

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30. Why is Erin with me? That's a great question. She is my coworker, and she needed a ride because she totaled her car.

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31. Yep. This is Erin.

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32. Yeah. Uh, you know, we had such a quick window to make this work, I think we should probably just-

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33. It'll be fine. Just act natural. Do you want a gummy penis?

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34. These are delicious.

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35. Ew! Aww! That seems gross at first blush, right? But relationships are always more complicated than you think. I mean, we don't know Matthew's history with this other woman. Maybe she saved his life. I don't know. I just- I don't think we should rush to judgment about Matthew. Maybe we don't pop that one.

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36. Hey.

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37. Oh! Ah, Megan.

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38. Aww.

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39. Oh, he's out there.

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40. Well, you guys are doing a pretty good job with the scary yelling, so...

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41. By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes...

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42. No. I gotta do this. Hey Jessica, could I talk to you?

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43. Uh, maybe we could talk in private?

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44. Well, first just let me say that I hope when I'm done with the sort of ugly bits that we can stay friends.

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45. Uh, no. No. You always do this. You twist my words around. Part of me thinks we should just end this right now.

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46. Whoa! That? No. Okay. You want honesty? Super-honesty time. I'm gay.

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47. I am gay, and I prefer men.

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48. You did not, Kenny!

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49. I like hanging out with you. You're a cool guy. Which proves my point. That I'm gay.

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50. Well, I was faking it. I had to fake it every time. I had to imagine that I was in a steam room with John Stamos.

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51. Well... I mean, I was good at hiding it, but-

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52. Understandable. And I'm really sorry. I really am. So... we should probably... go.

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53. Right? Rough scene.

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54. Oh... at least we can kiss now.

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55. You know, that stuff that I said about you to her... I did- That's just- I had to say it. You know, I was dating her at the time.

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56. Yeah.

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57. Oh yeah.

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58. I just gotta do one thing.

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59. Hi. Super-duper honesty time. I'm not gay. In fact, I'm so not gay, I'm in love with a girl. Her name is Erin Hannon and she's right there. She's sweet, funny and beautiful and total relationship material.

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60. Okay.

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61. Bye guys.

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62. My girlfriend's back and there's gonna be trouble-

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63. ...my girlfriend's back!

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64. Anyway, I know it's the end of the day. We just wanted to stop by and say hi.

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65. Hey, Kev.

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66. Nice sweater.

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67. What happened to old salty?

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68. Okey dokey.

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69. Whoa. Well, you must be the famous Nellie Bertram I've been hearing all about. I am the famous Andy Bernard you've been hearing all about.

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70. I just want to thank you for jumping in and minding the store during my temporary absence.

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71. Anyway, now that I'm back, I would love to have my office back, whenever you get a chance.

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72. Obviously, we'll figure out the, uh, logistics of moving all this stuff out of here. But, you know, the sooner the better.

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73. Get back to normalcy.

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74. This is what I was trying to tell you.

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75. Okay.

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76. You can't dock my pay-

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77. Great. Five, four, three, two, one. Angela, please dock Nellie's pay a hundred dollars. Angela?

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78. Angela?

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79. Ooh, she's counting again.

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80. Oh, oh!

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81. Seriously, Angela?

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82. I got a little bit of an anger problem. Got me in some trouble a couple years ago.

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83. You're just saying numbers. It's meaningless.

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84. It's literally like-

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85. Oh, yeah, I was just tired.

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86. Whoa. No. Are you kidding? You were so sexy. Just the thought of you last night, like, crazy turns me on. It just didn't last night.

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87. Yeah. I know it's not... a big deal.

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88. You can't call a meeting. But I would like to have a meeting in the conference room right now! So let's get in the conference room. Thank you. Good. Thank you for coming to my meeting.

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89. Oh! Can't do it 'cause I gotta run a meeting. So.

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90. Wanted to talk to all of you guys about importance... and know that each and every one of you is vitally important.

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91. Fine, it was me. I couldn't- I had a problem with Erin last night. Happy?

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92. I had a lot on my mind last night. And I didn't perform. Okay? It happens to plenty of guys. It's usually not followed by a giant workplace discussion and an interview.

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93. Every guy in this room has been touched by this affliction. Tuna? T-dog?

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94. Fascinating.

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95. Okay, so I-

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96. Yeah Jim, get it out there.

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97. Dad, don't think of it as a demotion. Just think of it as a promotion to a lower level. I don't think you have to tell your friends anything. It hasn't been decided yet.

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98. Oh, and another thing! Our sex life is none of your businesses!

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99. Stop protecting me! I'm a man- I can protect myself! This is misdirected anger and I'm sorry! I don't mean to lash out at you! There's a lot coming up right now, all at once! Dad go to hell, I'm taller than you!

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100. You are not the manager. I earned that job. I was personally chosen after Robert was chosen and quit.

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