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Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 24)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 24 of 40

  1. Ooh I didn't mean to offend you, and I hope you'll forgive me because I am very very' Sari. Sixteen points.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46177

  2. That's a crazy amount of points.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46180

  3. Well, what do you want?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46182

  4. Alright. For five hundred points, I will wear a dress to work.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46184

  5. I'll run naked through the parking lot with a donut on my ding-dong. Yeah? You like that? Alright! For five thousand points, I will let you tattoo whatever you want on the stern of the old SS Bernard![Andy points to his rear-end]

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46186

  6. Swear to God, hope to die. Now let's get to work!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46190

  7. T-bag bone'

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46197

  8. Have you noticed a little bit of a mood shift around here?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46199

  9. Really? Because I sat next to Stanley for years'.and this is nap time. Open eye nap time. He balances the phone on his shoulder and just powers down. Now look at him.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46201

  10. You think it has something to do with that incentive program?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46204

  11. Bah'I think people thought I was kidding when I said that.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46206

  12. Hundred and twenty points.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46208

  13. Hey Kevin, what are you doing?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46214

  14. Hi, Professor Frank, Andy Bernard, class of '95. Hey there, um, I'm a huge fan of your management book, Management. Um, quick question. I may be missing a chapter here'De-Incentivizing. What are your strategies? Looking for a real blow to morale'uh why? Well, um I guess you could say I'm in one of those classic ass tattoo incentive situations.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46216

  15. Took 'em one day.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46217

  16. OK, keep in mind, it's not too late to choose another prize and there are some great new additions. My car for a thousand points'.or best offer.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46221

  17. We should think about this'does anyone have any better ideas?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46230

  18. Just need a second outside.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46235

  19. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46237

  20. Tunes..what am I doing here? Why did Robert pick me? '.Confession: I don't know what I'm doing.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46239

  21. My ass is only so big, I mean I can't do this everyday.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46241

  22. No one expects me to go through with this, right?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46243

  23. Let's ink'my stink!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46245

  24. My heart belongs to music. But my ass belongs to these people.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46246

  25. Do your worst!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46248

  26. They are already off, my good sir.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46250

  27. Well, I think down's better. Sweating pretty heavily down there.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46252

  28. This is where I grin and be-YOW OW!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46257

  29. Invest in softer cotton, sir. OW! Oh! Oooh! oh, whoa!!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46259

  30. AHHHHH!!!!!!!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46262

  31. It's a Nard Dog! That's my nickity-name! I love it, I love it!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46264

  32. When you're a kid, you picture a pilot kinda like this But then you learn that's crashing the plane. The right way to do it is more like this. Or better yet, like this. Now that I'm manager, I think about that a lot. I let Dwight run the meetings, I let good people do good work and I stay out of the way.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46280

  33. Which combo do you think Robert's gonna like better?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46281

  34. This is combo number seven.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46285

  35. You're right, you're right, you're right. Uh! It's so hard to find an occasion for this clip.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46288

  36. Sure.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46290

  37. Thanks T-Dog.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46292

  38. Tuna dog!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46296

  39. I thought the plane was flying pretty well on auto-pilot. And then Robert California ran into the cockpit with a gun and he was like 'Fly this plane to Cuba, and on the way bomb Texas' Well I don't know how to get there. Or even how to fly, even. And I don't have any bombs.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46297

  40. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46299

  41. I don't have any ideas though.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46301

  42. You do?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46303

  43. Yeah....I don't think that's legal. It's a nice thought though. What is this?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46305

  44. You didn't have to do that.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46307

  45. You're the only person who's congratulated me.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46309

  46. Oscar, it's not that hot out.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46316

  47. Well, we don't know how long the driver's been gone and it's not in direct sunlight.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46318

  48. We're losing cloud cover.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46324

  49. The warehouse crew won the lottery yesterday. Nine hundred and fifty thousand dollars. And then they quit!...and no one else can focus. This is it. This is all on my shoulders. I'm the one who has to tell everyone to get back to work, I'm the one who has to tell Darryl to hire a new warehouse crew. I'm the one who has to say those things.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46354

  50. Are you kidding me?! Guys if I have to ask you to get back to work one more time, I'm gonna change my tone. To down here like Mr. T. and this will get seriously annoying. I feel sympathy for the jerks who have to listen to this all day. Darryl, how we doin' on the new warehouse guys?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46378

  51. What d-? What..what? Wuh, do we have new guys, or what?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46380

  52. Are they on their way over?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46382

  53. This is kinda time sensitive.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46386

  54. Alright, well until we have a new crew, let's get some volunteers for warehouse duty. Who's in?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46389

  55. Are you volunteering?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46394

  56. Jim! How 'bout you?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46396

  57. Great. And Kevin.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46399

  58. You look awesome.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46409

  59. Where are we in the process?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46411

  60. Did you go out celebrating with the guys last night?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46413

  61. You do have a fantastic basement.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46415

  62. Right. Um, well how 'bout we take a look at some applications? ...This guy wrote his in green ink, that's pretty cool. Check it out.Hey! There ya go...there he is.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46417

  63. That is not Darryl. I don't know where Darryl is. I suspect probably our Darryl is inside of fat Darryl.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46418

  64. Welcome, everybody! My name is Andy and this is my other brother Darryl.What? No Newhart fans? OK...Darryl, how do we usually kick these things off?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46424

  65. Does anyone have experience? Shelving, storing, keeping track. What do we use, the Dewey Decimal system?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46427

  66. Well-

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46430

  67. Um, can you guys give us a minute? But stay close, you're all doing great. maybe grab a coffee..or if there's any donuts out you can split one. You know they're for everybody so people get fussy....You know what? Just have a donut. Do you wanna talk about this not winning the lottery thing?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46432

  68. You sure? Cause you keep talking about it, so...

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46434

  69. Good. Great. Then can you say things that aren't like a huge bummer to everybody? Cause the more I talk, the more they're gonna realize I don't know what I'm talking about.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46436

  70. We need you, OK?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46438

  71. OK?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46440

  72. Alright.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46442

  73. Alright! Thank you for coming back in, again. Uh, now we're gonna ask you a few questions. Darryl, you have the floor.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46445

  74. Good. Keepin' 'em honest.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46449

  75. Are we scaring them straight....?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46451

  76. Is everyone licensed?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46461

  77. No. Warehouse license....Masters in warehouse sciences?...I, I feel like Darryl has talked about a license of some kind.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46463

  78. No. Not joking. This is real....painfully real, what is happening right now.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46465

  79. Does anyone get distracted easily by bubble wrap? You'll be dealing with lots of bubble wrap obviously. Um...

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46480

  80. No. Because they all left.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46483

  81. I mean, after you bailed? I got confused and frankly a little weird and the stuff that you said certainly didn't help.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46485

  82. What are you talking about? I'm not gonna fire you.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46487

  83. '..OK, this is weird. I don't, I don't get the joke.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46489

  84. So Darryl says to me 'fire me'. But what he really means is 'I'm gonna say something really weird, try and figure out what it means.' So I say 'No, you're not fired.' But what I really mean is 'I have no idea what your talking about, but I'm gonna go ahead and hire some people for the warehouse and hope that you eventually start feeling better.'........I really hope that's what he and I mean.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46491

  85. Attention! Does anyone know anyone who could work in the warehouse? We can pay. Come on Oscar, who's the most jacked guy in all of Scranton? Like your wildest fantasy guy.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46492

  86. Definition.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46494

  87. Are those just show muscles? Or is he really strong?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46496

  88. Gideon. You are a PhD candidate studying America's diminishing blue-collar workforce?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46507

  89. Great....Well, it'll bring a fresh new perspective to the warehouse.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46509

  90. Eh, cool. We'll figure that out.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46511

  91. Got it. Dually noted. You! Coolest tank top I have ever seen. Where did you get that?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46513

  92. So cool! What a cross-section we have here. That's what I love about interviewing. I get to meet all these people I wouldn't ordinarily meet or know or even talk to.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46515

  93. Surprise! Your new crew.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46531

  94. Why? Because you didn't win the lottery? How am I supposed to make you happy?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46533

  95. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46535

  96. Haha, what?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46537

  97. I'm not gonna give you my job! It's my job! I earned it! And here's the thing, you weren't even next in line. I asked about you, I saw your file. You have a history of being short with people and you hired Glenn, your buddy! To replace you in the warehouse. He was under qualified. They saw that.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46539

  98. Nate! Please....thank you. You have no business education, you were gonna take classes under D'Angelo, what happened to that?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46541

  99. He didn't die, his brain died. And my brain is still very much alive and I'd be happy to give you business classes. How come you haven't asked me about it?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46543

  100. None, no part of this has anything to do with you.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Line 46545