Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 24)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 24 of 40

1. Ooh I didn't mean to offend you, and I hope you'll forgive me because I am very very' Sari. Sixteen points.

   Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46177

2. That's a crazy amount of points.

   Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46180

3. Well, what do you want?

   Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46182

4. Alright. For five hundred points, I will wear a dress to work.

   Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46184

5. I'll run naked through the parking lot with a donut on my ding-dong. Yeah? You like that? Alright! For five thousand points, I will let you tattoo whatever you want on the stern of the old SS Bernard![Andy points to his rear-end]

   Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46186

6. Swear to God, hope to die. Now let's get to work!

   Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46190

7. T-bag bone'

   Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46197

8. Have you noticed a little bit of a mood shift around here?

   Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46199

9. Really? Because I sat next to Stanley for years'.and this is nap time. Open eye nap time. He balances the phone on his shoulder and just powers down. Now look at him.

   Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46201

10. You think it has something to do with that incentive program?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46204

11. Bah'I think people thought I was kidding when I said that.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46206

12. Hundred and twenty points.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46208

13. Hey Kevin, what are you doing?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46214

14. Hi, Professor Frank, Andy Bernard, class of '95. Hey there, um, I'm a huge fan of your management book, Management. Um, quick question. I may be missing a chapter here'De-Incentivizing. What are your strategies? Looking for a real blow to morale'uh why? Well, um I guess you could say I'm in one of those classic ass tattoo incentive situations.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46216

15. Took 'em one day.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46217

16. OK, keep in mind, it's not too late to choose another prize and there are some great new additions. My car for a thousand points'.or best offer.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46221

17. We should think about this'does anyone have any better ideas?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46230

18. Just need a second outside.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46235

19. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46237

20. Tunes..what am I doing here? Why did Robert pick me? '.Confession: I don't know what I'm doing.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46239

21. My ass is only so big, I mean I can't do this everyday.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46241

22. No one expects me to go through with this, right?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46243

23. Let's ink'my stink!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46245

24. My heart belongs to music. But my ass belongs to these people.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46246

25. Do your worst!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46248

26. They are already off, my good sir.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46250

27. Well, I think down's better. Sweating pretty heavily down there.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46252

28. This is where I grin and be-YOW OW!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46257

29. Invest in softer cotton, sir. OW! Oh! Oooh! oh, whoa!!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46259

30. AHHHHH!!!!!!!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46262

31. It's a Nard Dog! That's my nickity-name! I love it, I love it!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46264

32. When you're a kid, you picture a pilot kinda like this But then you learn that's crashing the plane. The right way to do it is more like this. Or better yet, like this. Now that I'm manager, I think about that a lot. I let Dwight run the meetings, I let good people do good work and I stay out of the way.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46280

33. Which combo do you think Robert's gonna like better?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46281

34. This is combo number seven.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46285

35. You're right, you're right, you're right. Uh! It's so hard to find an occasion for this clip.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46288

36. Sure.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46290

37. Thanks T-Dog.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46292

38. Tuna dog!

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46296

39. I thought the plane was flying pretty well on auto-pilot. And then Robert California ran into the cockpit with a gun and he was like 'Fly this plane to Cuba, and on the way bomb Texas' Well I don't know how to get there. Or even how to fly, even. And I don't have any bombs.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46297

40. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46299

41. I don't have any ideas though.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46301

42. You do?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46303

43. Yeah....I don't think that's legal. It's a nice thought though. What is this?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46305

44. You didn't have to do that.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46307

45. You're the only person who's congratulated me.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46309

46. Oscar, it's not that hot out.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46316

47. Well, we don't know how long the driver's been gone and it's not in direct sunlight.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46318

48. We're losing cloud cover.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46324

49. The warehouse crew won the lottery yesterday. Nine hundred and fifty thousand dollars. And then they quit!...and no one else can focus. This is it. This is all on my shoulders. I'm the one who has to tell everyone to get back to work, I'm the one who has to tell Darryl to hire a new warehouse crew. I'm the one who has to say those things.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46354

50. Are you kidding me?! Guys if I have to ask you to get back to work one more time, I'm gonna change my tone. To down here like Mr. T. and this will get seriously annoying. I feel sympathy for the jerks who have to listen to this all day. Darryl, how we doin' on the new warehouse guys?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46378

51. What d-? What..what? Wuh, do we have new guys, or what?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46380

52. Are they on their way over?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46382

53. This is kinda time sensitive.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46386

54. Alright, well until we have a new crew, let's get some volunteers for warehouse duty. Who's in?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46389

55. Are you volunteering?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46394

56. Jim! How 'bout you?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46396

57. Great. And Kevin.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46399

58. You look awesome.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46409

59. Where are we in the process?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46411

60. Did you go out celebrating with the guys last night?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46413

61. You do have a fantastic basement.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46415

62. Right. Um, well how 'bout we take a look at some applications? ...This guy wrote his in green ink, that's pretty cool. Check it out.Hey! There ya go...there he is.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46417

63. That is not Darryl. I don't know where Darryl is. I suspect probably our Darryl is inside of fat Darryl.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46418

64. Welcome, everybody! My name is Andy and this is my other brother Darryl.What? No Newhart fans? OK...Darryl, how do we usually kick these things off?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46424

65. Does anyone have experience? Shelving, storing, keeping track. What do we use, the Dewey Decimal system?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46427

66. Well-

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46430

67. Um, can you guys give us a minute? But stay close, you're all doing great. maybe grab a coffee..or if there's any donuts out you can split one. You know they're for everybody so people get fussy....You know what? Just have a donut. Do you wanna talk about this not winning the lottery thing?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46432

68. You sure? Cause you keep talking about it, so...

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46434

69. Good. Great. Then can you say things that aren't like a huge bummer to everybody? Cause the more I talk, the more they're gonna realize I don't know what I'm talking about.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46436

70. We need you, OK?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46438

71. OK?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46440

72. Alright.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46442

73. Alright! Thank you for coming back in, again. Uh, now we're gonna ask you a few questions. Darryl, you have the floor.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46445

74. Good. Keepin' 'em honest.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46449

75. Are we scaring them straight....?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46451

76. Is everyone licensed?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46461

77. No. Warehouse license....Masters in warehouse sciences?...I, I feel like Darryl has talked about a license of some kind.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46463

78. No. Not joking. This is real....painfully real, what is happening right now.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46465

79. Does anyone get distracted easily by bubble wrap? You'll be dealing with lots of bubble wrap obviously. Um...

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46480

80. No. Because they all left.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46483

81. I mean, after you bailed? I got confused and frankly a little weird and the stuff that you said certainly didn't help.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46485

82. What are you talking about? I'm not gonna fire you.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46487

83. '..OK, this is weird. I don't, I don't get the joke.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46489

84. So Darryl says to me 'fire me'. But what he really means is 'I'm gonna say something really weird, try and figure out what it means.' So I say 'No, you're not fired.' But what I really mean is 'I have no idea what your talking about, but I'm gonna go ahead and hire some people for the warehouse and hope that you eventually start feeling better.'........I really hope that's what he and I mean.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46491

85. Attention! Does anyone know anyone who could work in the warehouse? We can pay. Come on Oscar, who's the most jacked guy in all of Scranton? Like your wildest fantasy guy.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46492

86. Definition.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46494

87. Are those just show muscles? Or is he really strong?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46496

88. Gideon. You are a PhD candidate studying America's diminishing blue-collar workforce?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46507

89. Great....Well, it'll bring a fresh new perspective to the warehouse.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46509

90. Eh, cool. We'll figure that out.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46511

91. Got it. Dually noted. You! Coolest tank top I have ever seen. Where did you get that?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46513

92. So cool! What a cross-section we have here. That's what I love about interviewing. I get to meet all these people I wouldn't ordinarily meet or know or even talk to.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46515

93. Surprise! Your new crew.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46531

94. Why? Because you didn't win the lottery? How am I supposed to make you happy?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46533

95. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46535

96. Haha, what?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46537

97. I'm not gonna give you my job! It's my job! I earned it! And here's the thing, you weren't even next in line. I asked about you, I saw your file. You have a history of being short with people and you hired Glenn, your buddy! To replace you in the warehouse. He was under qualified. They saw that.

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46539

98. Nate! Please....thank you. You have no business education, you were gonna take classes under D'Angelo, what happened to that?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46541

99. He didn't die, his brain died. And my brain is still very much alive and I'd be happy to give you business classes. How come you haven't asked me about it?

    Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46543

100. None, no part of this has anything to do with you.

     Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46545