Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 21)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 21 of 40

1. Okay, who would like to purchase this small business package from me right now? Yes, we got one. Okay, the snowball is rolling. Who else? You can put it off for a couple of days, but I guarantee you, eventually you're gonna realize you need this. So the only thing that's gonna be different is you'll be a couple of days behind where you would be if you bought this from me right now. So who's gonna buy one right now?

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2. Yes! Awesome! All right, anyone else? Sold! Anybody else? Yes! All right!

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3. Good choice. The rest of you are dead to me. You made the stupidest decision of your life.

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4. But it was a pleasure meeting you, and you've got my information, so feel free to call anytime.

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5. Well, I guess when you looked in me, you forgot about my balls. They're on the outside. Don't how you missed 'em.

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6. Hey, I heard you talking about movies before, and, anyway, I just watched this over the weekend. I thought you'd really like it.

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7. Oh, yeah. See you tomorrow.

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8. Divorced?

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9. Sorry, when did you get married?

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10. And you didn't invite any of us?

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11. Yeah, which one?

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12. Boo-yea!

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13. You?

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14. Oh it is on like Genghis Khan wearing Sean Jean in Buton.

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15. Woo-hoo.

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16. Yeah, yeah. Put me on that.

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17. Phyllis!

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18. Oooohhh.

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19. Do the next one.

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20. Oh!

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21. [laughs]

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22. Birthday punches! One two three four five sice seven eight!

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23. ...thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty twenty-one twenty-two twenty-three twenty-four twenty-five twenty-six!...

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24. ...So I got an early res at Blue Wasabi and I'm taking Rachel. She's picking me up after work.

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25. Oh, yeah!

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26. What's up?

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27. Are you kidding me? It's all I did every summer when my brothers were out sailing.

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28. But if there is a romantic thing with Gabe, I should probably...

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29. Well, okay then.

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30. At least until Stanley calms down.

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31. D...d...d...d...don't look. I accidentally did his Sudoku.

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32. She's neat. Uh, I met her at Darryl's cousin's party. We were the only two white people there.

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33. Hey, look at that. Done.

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34. I wish you well on your quest.

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35. Aww, I mean...

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36. Okay.

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37. Whoa.

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38. We should actually probably talk about it outside or we might make Darryl mad.

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39. I think he can hear us.

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40. That makes sense, 'cause I feel like I'd be able to hear us at this level.

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41. Darryl is a jerk.

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42. No, I'm just testing if he can hear.

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43. Oh. Okay.

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44. The temp at night?

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45. Pi...

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46. Okay.

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47. Right. Okay.

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48. Okay, Ryan's the temp. What does he do at night?

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49. Oh, or maybe not.

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50. How romantic is this?

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51. Right. Do you see a clue or...

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52. Oh, my gosh.

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53. No time to chat.

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54. Hey.

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55. B-9.

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56. Maybe it's just more like, 'be mine.'

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57. Mm.

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58. Hmm.

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59. Some people are really popping on screen!

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60. Whoa Whoa Whoa! Isn't the president evil?

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61. Hey! Hey you guys! The Armeth Regado video is up, gather around! Check it out! This guy's on a full beam reach. They're hiking out like mad! Lock 'em up! Lock 'em up! Nice job! Ughh. This computer's a hunk of jjunk.

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62. Where did you get this?!

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63. This is a sick computer! Gwen Stefani has this computer! Uhhh, Pamela! What does a guy have to do to get, ahem, one of them?

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64. Yeah, but if you donated my computer to Africa, it would become world famous as the slowest computer in Africa. So...

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65. Well Andy's desk needs a computer. And, I mean, it's just kinda a coincidence that I work there, but...

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66. I'm not asking for one, I need it.

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67. Phyllis, no body is handing anything out.

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68. What are you gonna play mange on faster?

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69. It's crazy, right? Erin just wanted me to have it, so we switched.

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70. Pam, when I'm freaking out, I just sorta step back and-

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71. -take a few breaths, and then I ask myself: Is this worth freaking out about?

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72. That's interesting. So you also think my computer is crappy.

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73. Seriously?

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74. Pam! Come on!

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75. Fine! Please make sure no one is humping me!

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76. Pam. Can I talk to you in private?

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77. Well they put a sign-up sheet on the conference room and I signed us up for three mods. A mod is five minutes. And it started two minutes ago.

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78. Can we talk about this in the meeting? Because we're a little late.

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79. Mind if I close the door? What you did out there, earlier, was totally un-cool.

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80. You humiliated me in front of every body!

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81. I mean, it's pretty broken already.

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82. Pretty sneaky sis.

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83. Allow all cookies? Why certainly! Pop-ups? Yes please! Bit torrent streaming from a Somalian music website? Yeah! Why not? Oh I hope you don't get sick Mr. Computer. Why are you doing this to me Andy? Because I hate your programs!

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84. No no no no no! We can say that the previous owner was a neat-freak. Or an elegant old lady and she just kept it around in case her grand-kids came to visit, but they died and they never came, I think I'm gonna make myself cry.

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85. That's probably good. That's enough.

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86. Let's not go crazy.

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87. Pam, how is this thing even any better than my old computer?

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88. Where'd you even find this thing, like, in the corner in the warehouse?

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89. All right, well thank you for my garbage computer.

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90. Close it.

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91. Close it.

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92. Close it.

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93. Just close it.

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94. Oh my gosh, you have the Dallas board game?

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95. Really?

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96. Well... there's no instructions.

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97. I'm pretty good at board games.

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98. Sure.

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99. Hmm, I'm gonna play me a little ol' black mail card .

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100. And call a proxy meeting to take control of you and oil once and for all.

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