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Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 23)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 23 of 40

  1. Erin's my best friend in this office, hands down, but... when she asked me out, I just didn't have that feeling, you know? Aren't there some things that you really want to like, but you just can't... seem to like it, like, Mad Men... or football... Let's not forget, Erin chose Gabe over me. That happened. I'm not going to apologize for getting over her, okay? I'm sorry. I would go for someone who's more... she's great, though.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45598

  2. Tuna... You're completely sane.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45636

  3. Who do you like for the job? Is there anyone who maybe was a little underwhelming at first, but now seems like a safe, if not slightly unexciting, choice?

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45638

  4. Whoever it is, I think they should be lame. Kind a a non-threatening, moderate personality.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45654

  5. She may have a point there... would a small penis work? Small-to-moderate.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45666

  6. Uh, listen up. Listen up, ladies. I want the job. There, I said it. I'm educated. I'm capable. I like all of you... and I won't make any changes.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45678

  7. Sometimes you hear about people failing upwards. I think I'm about to do that.

    Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45697

  8. After you my good sir.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45719

  9. I insist.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45721

  10. I' it's unbelievable. True, I may have been the second choice, but I was the first-choice's first choice. And, about Dwight, I sensed that he might have some resentment about not getting the job so I sat him down and we had a talk. And I told him, 'I need a really strong number two. I want you to be my enforcer.' Smart, right?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45723

  11. Uh, this has got to stop.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45725

  12. Thank you, yes. Dwight, my enforcer, my number two, can you take care of this?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45746

  13. Hey, Robert. We have that 9:30am casual chit-chat scheduled. I emailed you about it last night to confirm. And again this morning.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45761

  14. First item on the agenda: can I get everyone an extra long Columbus Day weekend. Item number two, connect with the guy. Robert California, what does he think of me? Don't know, super care. Number three, time permitting, we lost our biggest client.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45762

  15. The Friday before Columbus Day. Thoughts?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45766

  16. Just making chit-chat. Kind of a medium year for women's soccer, no?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45768

  17. Really great list of names guys. Thank you so much. Good work.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45794

  18. Oh, okay. I don't want any part of this.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45797

  19. I gotta say. Kinda seems like the left side's the side to be on. Me, Jim, Dwight, Darryl. No offense Pam.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45801

  20. We couldn't crack it.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45806

  21. He'll know that we looked at his private notebook.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45808

  22. I'm already working on this Columbus Day thing for you guys and it's starting to stack up. Feels like a lot. One thing at a time.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45810

  23. What's up? Weird thing. Totally awkward, but you left your notebook on the reception desk.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45813

  24. And it was open. And people saw this. And they're just kinda going nuts and like wondering what it is.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45815

  25. It's a photocopy from your notebook.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45817

  26. No. They did. And they asked me to ask about it.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45819

  27. What?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45821

  28. That is fascinating. And, by the way, I am so glad I asked. People were just sort of- Did you just move my name?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45823

  29. Okay. Robert's in the annex, everybody think quick. What do these groups have in common?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45825

  30. Stanley, you do puzzles all day. Whatdo we got?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45830

  31. Thank you. A little much needed comic relief, but we really need to figure this out guys.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45832

  32. Dwight!

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45837

  33. Well, we should all be really excited about our very own pizza party. Pizza partay! Pizza! Partay! Pizza! Partay!

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45849

  34. Great group! Pizza party!

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45863

  35. Well, why don't you ask me again when the five pizzas get here.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45865

  36. Okay. You guys ever had Margarita pizza?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45867

  37. Fresh tomato with a dollop of mozzarella cheese.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45869

  38. Ah hah! Their interpretation of Margarita pizza. Fans of classic pizza will be psyched.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45887

  39. C'mon Pam. Chins up, okay? Bad joke. Look around this room. Does this look like a group of losers? Seriously?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45893

  40. Yeah?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45898

  41. When I was a salesman I could just be like 'Not my job, not my prob. I'm going to the warehouse to polish my knob.' Metaphorically, of course. But now, it is my job and my prob.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45905

  42. Hi, Robert? Can you come out here please it's really important. Just wanted to clarify something. Some people here are under the misconception that some people may be considered, uh, let's say top-tier and others would be second-tier.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45906

  43. Thank you. Great. Robert. I said winners and losers. Is that what you're talking about?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45908

  44. Oh, that, it might- That might actually be what I'm thinking of. Can you clarify that?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45909

  45. No. No, no.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45912

  46. I'm going in there.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45914

  47. I know that every time I talk to you things just seem to get worse. But, you don't know these people and I do. And if I let you work with faulty information, well, then I'm not doing my job as regional manager. So, please take this pen and change your list.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45915

  48. Well, then I will make a new list for you. Stanley... you may think he's a lazy grump, but did you know that he has the most consistently high sales numbers of anyone in this office? And you may think he's hard to love, but did you know that he's in, not one, but two long-term romantic relationships?

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45917

  49. Meredith Palmer... Supplier relations. The word 'no' not even in her vocabulary. And just to show you that I'm being fair. You had Gabe in the loser column. I think that is astute. Good call. Pam, easily the most creative and kind person I have ever worked with.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45919

  50. Erin Hannon, the receptionist and my closest confidant. A winner if there ever was one.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45922

  51. Yes. No! The Friday before Columbus Day, we're gonna take a half-day, so that everyone can get a jump on the long weekend.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45925

  52. Yes, I do.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45927

  53. I don't care.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45929

  54. Hey guys. So Columbus Day, we got that half-day on Friday.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45930

  55. Well, you got it this year too.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45932

  56. Night.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45934

  57. Night.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45938

  58. I gotta say, I think it's kinda cool not knowing. It's like one of those movies that ends on a note of mystery. Did the butler do it? Are they ghosts? You know? It's kinda sophisticated.

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45942

  59. Creed! Wha- This is a safety issue with you. There's no way to know if you're dead!

    Season 8 · Episode 1 · Line 45956

  60. Kevin, I appreciate what you're trying to do.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46008

  61. Here, we have a word code, the same way we have a dress code. And what we're talking about is'basically the speech equivalent' to just wearing underpants. Sometimes words, you no need use'but need need for talk talk.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46010

  62. What are you gonna do with all this time?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46016

  63. Oh, no no no no no. This is Dwight's meeting.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46037

  64. I just wanted to pop in and get your opinions on ties'and tie clips. Which combo do you think Robert is going to like more? What do you think, C-SPAN?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46039

  65. Yeah. C-SPAN, cocker spaniel. Spaniel because of your Spanish bloodline and cocker cause''

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46041

  66. I am still forming a first impression with Robert. Once it is formed, we can all relax. Ok, I'm sorry to hijack your meeting , D dub dog'had to pull rank.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46043

  67. Hi Dad!...... Ahhh'.oh boy.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46060

  68. Are you factoring in the' whole national 'economy'. declining and all that?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46065

  69. I think I can sum it up with what I think is your favorite ice cream flavor'.vanilla?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46067

  70. You were saying you chose me'. There was a reason?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46069

  71. Can I inspire? I don't know!.....I don't know.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46071

  72. Why don't we get Robert a nice hot fresh cup and I will have this.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46080

  73. I've been craving a freezing cup of old coffee. Mmm'.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46082

  74. I do.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46085

  75. You know, we've both been into each other at different times and just never really synced up. Now we're in this weird dance'.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46087

  76. You got it.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46101

  77. Done.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46103

  78. Neither am I, it's already done. Hah, I'm just kidding, it's going to take some time.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46105

  79. What's up, guys? Just thought we'd have a little rap session, talk about business'see how things are going? Ahem'

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46108

  80. If no one else wants to? I was just thinking about Robert'man. What a boss. Just throws down goals, you know? Anyway, how's the sales doubling 'project going?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46110

  81. OF course not. There's no magic button. You have to summon that.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46112

  82. Dwight, anything?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46115

  83. You know what? We need to get our heads out of the box. If we did have something, what would it look like, what would it be? Tuna.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46117

  84. Fart'.. good Sesh. That leg's asleep.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46119

  85. D-Bone. There you are.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46129

  86. No, that's ok. Just, I want, I wanted to ask you about'

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46131

  87. I know, right?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46133

  88. Yeah'um, how is everything?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46135

  89. Must be a tough time to be a family farm.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46137

  90. Oof. What are you gonna do about that?

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46139

  91. There's gotta be some way you can double your beet sales'

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46141

  92. Thanks for coming in guys.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46158

  93. Well I never got thanked for coming into a meeting and I always wanted to be so I'm gonna thank people.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46160

  94. This is what's under the blanket.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46162

  95. These are incentives. It's how we're gonna double growth. Now, you're probably all asking yourselves: 'Well, how does this work?'

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46164

  96. You're exactly right and you get a point.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46166

  97. Twenty points.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46169

  98. I've outlined the exact parameters in an email, so check your spam folders, but basically you do your job better, you get points. So, collect fifteen points and redeem them for this polar bear.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46171

  99. There's lots of stuff. John Irving, collected works, Twenty-two points. Or, you can pool your points and redeem fifty-five for this maternity shirt.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46173

  100. I can't.

    Season 8 · Episode 2 · Line 46175