Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 18)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 18 of 40

1. Yeah, I know. Neiche!

   Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38980

2. Guys?

   Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38988

3. You all made it, thank you so much.

   Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38990

4. She's babysitting?

   Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38992

5. I understand. This is, like, huge opportunity for her.

   Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38994

6. Just checking my e-mails. See if I got any last-minute 'break a legs' or 'I still love you' type texts. Doesn't look like I got anything. Maybe on my Facebook wall.

   Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39033

7. Mr. Todd! Mr. Todd! I found her!

   Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39035

8. That monster of a judge has locked her-[cell phone chiming]. Locked her away.

   Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39037

9. Oh, it appears the bird was in mine own pocket this whole time. He's gone to sleep now, I've closed his beak.

   Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39041

10. You know what? Let me just double check, that bird... Okay, good. It's off. I mean, silenced. I silenced it by killing it. I've killed it! I'm a murderer! Just like you, Sweeney Todd. See, it all connects. Not that I know you're a murderer. My character doesn't know that yet. But I'm suspicious, because of all the razors that you have laying around. And you spend time alone. But you're a barber, so that's legit. So there's that. But...

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39043

11. A madhouse.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39045

12. Yes, a madhouse.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39047

13. Do you think... so you think...

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39049

14. That's really irresponsible of Erin. She's a terrible babysitter.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39055

15. Are you ready?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39097

16. Ah! Blood everywhere.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39099

17. Yeah, me, too.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39101

18. Okay.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39103

19. These would have been your seats. Best seats in the house. Lots of people think it would be the front row, but actually, right here, this is where the speakers converge, and the sound just, like, nails you right here.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39113

20. Awesome.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39115

21. See you later.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39117

22. Yeah, I guess you could say that.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39130

23. It was like amateur hour.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39134

24. Stop just saying that.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39137

25. Thank you. That feels good.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39139

26. Thanks, but I feel like a loner right now.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39142

27. Okay, all right, all right, all right.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39146

28. [sings Macy Gray's 'I Try' and everyone joins in]

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 39147

29. Uhh, beg your pardon?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39179

30. Very very smart.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39186

31. Oh it's stinging him! Ow! Ow!

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39191

32. Michael, have you ever been tested for STDs?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39214

33. You know what guys, why don't we just chill out on this herp-chat. Ok? I was an REA in college and I can tell you, number one sexually transmitted disease is ignorance.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39222

34. Excuse me everyone, can I have your attention please?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39255

35. What do you mean again?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39257

36. Maybe like a year ago...

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39259

37. No, that's...

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39261

38. Everyone, I've noticed that we have not been entirely kind to one of our own, due to stigmas and prejudices.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39263

39. It's the world's only international sport!

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39266

40. Ba na na na na. Hot pizza, check it and see. Ba na na na. Got a whole bunch of pepperoni. Ba na na na na. Yeah, now you're looking at me. Anyone who's interested in entering into an honest discussion about the sexual mores and taboos of modern society will be rewarded with a pizza break.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39279

41. So, guys. I've been really bothered by the way certain people are getting treated around here, and I just think as an office we're better than that. Ok, now I'm going to show you a picture of genitalia.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39318

42. What, is it because he's black?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39320

43. Perfectly normal genitalia Tuna. Now I'm going to show you another picture of perfectly normal genitalia.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39322

44. It's normal! Big deal! Yeah sure it has some herpes on it, but you know what? It's just as normal as anyone else's.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39324

45. Herpes, like all STDS, is a consequence of sex. Can anyone else name any other consequences?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39341

46. Ok I guess I can make a pros column. Feels...

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39343

47. Express love, magical.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39346

48. Umm, ok is that different from feels unbelievable?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39348

49. Then I will write it down.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39350

50. I actually had that down in the cons column, but...

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39352

51. Ok, umm. I'll move that. Thrill of risk.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39354

52. Yes! Thank you! Such as?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39356

53. Yes, unplanned pregnancy.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39358

54. Ok, unplanned pregnancy, going in the pros column.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39365

55. Who can tell me what the safest form of sex is?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39387

56. Incorrect, the only true form of safe sex, ok? Abstinence.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39389

57. I just thought I'd bring it up in case someone in here was practicing abstinence. That's all. Anybody?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39391

58. Well someone could answer if they want to. Ok, in that case I will now show you how to put this condom on... using this pencil.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39393

59. What?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39394

60. Well I'm not gonna use my penis, Oscar! It's not exactly hard right now anyway.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39396

61. I'm doing this for you Meredith!

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39398

62. Well did you h- di- GAH! Does no one appreciate what I'm doing right now?!

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39400

63. I don't know, I mean people were being really mean to Meredith.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39420

64. How is that relevant to anything?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39422

65. The only reason I said that is because you asked me so politely! It was very difficult for me to say no.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39424

66. No I'm just sweating.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39446

67. I'm not crying I'm just sweating.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39448

68. Ok.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Quote 39450

69. Whoa. Libby Dirketts got married. Big Red mazel tov to the Libster. Ooh, says here Dan Becker fell off the side of Kilimanjaro in a climbing accident. It appears Dan's Sherpa survived to tell the tale-Oh, my God!

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39517

70. No, he died. It's Broccoli Rob. You know this guy; I showed you his picture on Facebook.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39519

71. Some Vermont-based alums can hear 'Broccoli' Rob Blatt, '96, in the state milk lobby's new milk awareness song, 'Calci-YUM!', featuring Phish's Trey Anastasio. Says Broccoli, 'Trey and I had a ton of fun in the studio, and I think you can hear it in the song.''

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39521

72. Yeah, yeah, it's great...

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39523

73. I was the artsy, musical one. In Here Comes Treble I had four solos, Broccoli rob had three. Right? Uhh.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39525

74. Knockity-knock, don't knock back. Just kidding you can knock; it's your office. Do you have a minute?

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39571

75. Not to go all Sherlock Holmes on you, but I can tell by the reflection in your glasses that you're entering points into Weight Watchers dot com.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39573

76. I'm starting a band and I need you on keyboards.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39575

77. This is for pleasure.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39577

78. I'm willing to pay you.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39579

79. Yeah.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39581

80. Sixty bucks a session.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39583

81. Yes!

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39585

82. Please Mr. President-

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39658

83. Yeah.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39660

84. Yeah, but I'm using my falsetto.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39662

85. Yeah, well, it'd sound a lot better if you actually sang with some soul.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39664

86. That's a lie.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39666

87. I just was hoping to maybe save your voice in case we did a novelty song about frogs.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39668

88. Okay, three-way argument between a drummer, a keyboardist, and the front man lead singer. Wonder who's gonna win this one. Two, three, four-

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39670

89. Okay. Honest feedback time. Oscar?

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39686

90. But do you think it could be famous? Like in a car commercial or something?

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39688

91. I feel like I can see someone ice skating to it. You know, like in the Olympics.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39690

92. Rude. And not helpful.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39692

93. Well, that...really bums me out.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39694

94. Thanks, Kevin.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39783

95. Reverse snobbery.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39811

96. Sometimes I feel like life has passed me by.

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39813

97. Holy crap. Are you kidding me? You just made that-that's amazing!

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39816

98. Which me am I gonna be today?

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39818

99. I gotta closet full of mes. Am I gonna be the happy me?

    Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39820

100. Oh, my gosh! We're almost out of time. How much for another half hour?

     Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39822