Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 17)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 17 of 40

1. In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero. You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyonce.

   Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 37968

2. Not this time.

   Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 37970

3. This guy's a high school baseball coach, right? Let's go check him out, see what a horrible person he is.

   Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 37972

4. Yeah. Those teams have games and practices every day. Let's go check it out.

   Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 37974

5. Oh, really? I thought you were the boss.

   Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 37976

6. Bum bum BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM bum bum

   Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 37978

7. Baseball!

   Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 37980

8. Where?

   Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 37982

9. Stage right or stage left? I played batboy in damn yankees!

   Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 37984

10. And Now, coaching third base with two arms, two legs, and no heart. Capable of feeling pain.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 37986

11. Whatever. I'm the one blending in.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 37988

12. Chase Dixon is up. Could be a big play.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38021

13. I know it's like cricket.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38023

14. And it's--there's-- well, home plate is like a wicket.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38025

15. Seems pretty well liked by the team.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38027

16. You do know that high school coaches don't pay their players.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38029

17. Great game, coach.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38048

18. You guys are awesome! Best game I've ever seen in my life.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38050

19. Ha. The other guys can go die.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38052

20. Baseball! Go talk to him.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38054

21. Shane. Great game man!

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38057

22. No. Uh, just big fans. Both of us.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38059

23. Ha. No. No. But we're gay for baseball.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38061

24. But I have a wife, actually, who I really love a lot.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38063

25. Yeah. I am so into the institution of marriage.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38065

26. I mean, isn't marriage the best, you know? Two good people finding each other, getting all committed to each other. So you love baseball. What else do you love? Let's round you out as a person.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38067

27. I get it, man. I love it. That's what makes you a good coach. You know, but as a fan, it just helps me enjoy the game better if I know the coach loves his wife.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38069

28. Of course.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38071

29. But real quick, I want you to meet my associate. Sheldon!

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38073

30. Come on, get over here.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38075

31. Get- Get over here. Sheldon, say hi to the nice coach.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38077

32. I just wanna go on record as saying that I do not condone this affair, and I went so far as to force Michael to confront the victim of his behavior.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38091

33. Do you want someone to stop you? 'Cause no one's going to.

    Season 6 · Episode 23 · Quote 38152

34. If you say anything, so help me God, I'll break off the temples of your glasses and stick them in your eye sockets.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38198

35. So unfair. Even if I thought that our printers killed baby seals, I would not be a whistleblower. The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. It's how we made all our money. Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us. Old Mr. Bernard, old Mr. Bernard, who have you silenced today?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38199

36. Uh...

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38239

37. I, I didn't know. I didn't do that!

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38241

38. Okay? I, I... didn't do it.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38243

39. I swear on the graves of my parents who aren't even dead yet.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38245

40. I don't care, that's how much I swear!

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38247

41. I don't know who's giving Darryl any crap. He was more bothered about it than me.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38249

42. What? Based on what?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38346

43. Yeah. You know, I mean, for all we know it could have been... Jim.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38350

44. Gabe, I told you all about the printers.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38367

45. You're going to believe that guy?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38385

46. Hey Phyllis, have you seen my bag?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38395

47. Look, I didn't want houses and schools to burn down, and children to die. Does that make me a hero? I...

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38397

48. Well, it doesn't make me the worst guy in the world, either.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38399

49. Hey.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38402

50. Uh, thanks. Yeah, you know, just seemed like the right thing to do.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Quote 38404

51. Go, go, go, go!

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38423

52. Toby, how did we do?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38429

53. Whoo! We did it!

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38431

54. Brocolli Rob, obviously, will be there.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38433

55. And JC. We call him Blorville, because he looks like a black Orville Redenbacher.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38435

56. Hey!

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38438

57. Not at all.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38440

58. Am I angry that Gabe stole my girlfriend over the summer? No. I've been through anger-management, OK? So right now, I am sitting on a nice beach at Cape Cod, gazing out across the whitecaps. Oh, look, it's a humpback whale. How pretty. He's eating Gabe.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38444

59. New guy sucks. Calls me the Nard-Man. I'm the Nard-Dog, okay? Nard-man is my father.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38459

60. That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38461

61. Clutch cream run, bro.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38534

62. You get that kid to open this car, or I'm gonna do it myself... by calling Tripple A.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38549

63. This kid's costing us sales, Michael.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38555

64. Oh, my God, is it in my eyeball? I think he's burning my eye.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38600

65. No, no, no, no. It's the other hand. Right hand. Yeah.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38642

66. Whoa! Whoa! Hey. Whoa. Dwight! Stop!

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Quote 38644

67. Well, tell us what it is. I mean, it would help us to get some context so we can get on board.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38698

68. Dwight?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38709

69. Did you call all of my clients at the mall and cancel all my business while using the 'F' word?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38711

70. No, you and I... and I. I'm going to come with you.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38728

71. Did you assume that I would automatically side with the rich snobby shop owner? How about now? How about now? How about now?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38731

72. Pretty Woman.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38744

73. Julia Roberts goes into the store, and she's like,' I was in here yesterday and you wouldn't help me.' And the shop girl goes, 'ok'. And Julia Roberts goes,' You girls work on commission, right?' And the girl is like,'Yeah', and Julia Roberts goes...

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38748

74. I was telling that... I was telling that.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38750

75. A gentleman who is a rich snob who will go into shopping malls and drop huge amounts of cash on clothes.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38774

76. If someone offers you a cocktail, accept, but keep your wits about you.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38790

77. I think he's got it!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38795

78. [fanfare]

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38810

79. After you.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Quote 38912

80. No.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38925

81. Steven Sondheim.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38927

82. We're the cast of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. We open in a couple weeks at the Loose Screw Playhouse here in Scranton and today just doing a wee bit of viral marketing.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38930

83. Like a month ago.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38932

84. Two comps. For my lady and her Gabe. It's closing night. Tomorrow we have to give the theater over to the Scranton's Miss Fitness pageant.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38934

85. What? That's awful. Everyone's gonna miss that guy.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38936

86. Gabe is not coming, which is huge because my plan is to make Erin fall back in love with me tonight. Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38937

87. Everyone.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38939

88. What kind of terrible rumor monger is Gabe? He is woefully misinformed, all right? Excuse me, clink, clink, clink, clink, everybody. You're all coming to my show tonight, right?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38941

89. 8pm sharp.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38943

90. Hour forty-five.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38945

91. Jim, Pam, you guys are in, right?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38948

92. Dwight?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38950

93. It would mean so much to me if you came to my show tonight.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38952

94. If it makes you feel any better, no one who auditioned for the part of Sweeney Todd got that part. They had to bring in a ringer.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38954

95. This guy's like world-class. You should not feel bad. I'm asking you thespian to thespian. Will you please be the bigger man and come to my show?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38956

96. Noishe!

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38958

97. Hey, how are those salads?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38970

98. My parents used to scramble to find babysitters so they could take my younger brother to do stuff. I understand how hard it can be. I just-tonight, if you could...

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38972

99. Yes!

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38974

100. Oh my gosh, that would be amazing.

     Season 7 · Episode 3 · Quote 38977