Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 15)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 15 of 40

1. Great news, Michael. We're now the official paper supplier of the NFL.

   Season 6 · Episode 13 · Line 34715

2. Ok.

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3. Saber. Dunder Mifflin and Saber. So yeah, yeah, yay, yay.

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4. You sure it's saber?

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5. I am telling you, there are no strawberries in here.

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6. Well maybe they ran away, because the pizza was like, 'Hey, get out of here, you stupid strawberries.'

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7. The ball's totally in Erin's court. After the whole drum line thing.

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8. Hey, any fun weekend plans?

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9. Uh, no, actually. So nothing? No movies, or parties, or anything you might want to invite someone to?

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10. Okay.

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11. That's as hard as I can hint.

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12. These sure are pretty dogs...

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13. They sure do.

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14. Oh, I do!

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15. Got some Valentine's cards for my coworkers and my bro-workers.

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16. Valentine's Day, right around the corner. Erin and I have been on zero dates. So I got her a Valentine's Day card, but I didn't wanna seem 'too eager,' so I got cards for everyone in the whole office to kind of dilute it a little bit.

    Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35155

17. [throwing a card at Meredith, which skims her throat]: Look alive.

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18. Whoa-oh, traffic jam!

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19. Beep-beep! Beeooop-beep!

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20. There's blood everywhere! Um, I got you a Valentine's card.

    Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35186

21. Yeah, well it's Snoopy and Woodstock.

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22. Uh, Charles Schultz did. I thought it was relevant cause I got you all those birds for Christmas, remember?

    Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35190

23. Oh, look at that. They sure do. I hadn't noticed.

    Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35192

24. Yeah! It's Roger Federer for men, I sprayed some in there.

    Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35194

25. It's got pheromones in it.

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26. It's not cause of the smell. I'm just expecting a nosebleed.

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27. I'm sorry, I thought you saw me.

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28. Cool, thanks.

    Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35344

29. ...That was weird.

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30. I don't even know what that card said.

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31. Excuse me? Everyone? Please check your emails, I just sent you the following message: 'Coworkers, you may have received a Valentine from me. Please understand this does not mean that I like you in any way.'

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32. Phyllis, you guys are like my closest friends. I just mean I don't like-like you.

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33. Please don't read into this card. Yours in professionalism, Nard dog.'

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34. It's n-- that wasn't... I like someone else.

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35. It's not... Whether or not, you...

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36. Yeah, no, you really should. Because if your baby's born tomorrow, he's going to have the same birthday as Butt-mud Brooks. My old roommate.

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37. Guys. Word of advice. Speaking as a former baby. Don't get too hung up on baby names. I was named Walter Jr. after my father until I was about six or so, when my parents changed their minds.

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38. My brother was born, and my parents felt he better exemplified the Walter Jr. name, so they gave it to him. I was given Andrew, which they got out of a baby name book.

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39. Can we do sleight of hand tricks?

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40. Yes! Can anyone do those?

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41. I can do the evolution of dance-dance.

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42. Nope, actually music would just throw me off. I need complete silence. Okay... You're clapping. I need complete silence. Totally threw me off, so I'm going to have to start over. Evolution of dance-dance.

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43. A little frazzled.

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44. Hey, have you guys seen her?

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45. What? God damn it. She was supposed to come out yesterday.

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46. I decided to give baby Halpert a newspaper from the day she was born. This frame set me back fifty five bones. But she decided to take her sweet time, so now I have to switch it with today's paper.

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47. This man has a gift!

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48. Torn scrotum. Still on the mend, so not good timing.

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49. Yes, I'm going to ask out Erin. I'm just waiting for the stars to align. Literally. I have a small skylight in my bedroom, and I'd like for the moon to be visible.

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50. Why was I hiding behind the plant? Ha, well, in college, I took a botony class, and there was lots of drama in that class. Uh, kids would gossip about me, so I would eavesdrop on them by hiding behind different plants in the botony class. And then, uh, they would say things like 'Oh, this guy's going to fail this class,' or, 'What's this guy doing spying on us from behind plants?' And then I would jump out of them and confront them, and be like, 'Oh, you think all I do is hide behind plants and spy on people? Busted.' ... Oh, the reason? The reason I was hiding behind that plant in this situation was that I thought that Erin and Kevin were kind of hitting it off, and... I was jealous.

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51. Ow.

    Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35939

52. Erin, uh, I need you to send this fax immediately. It's really important, so I'm going to stand here and wait for the confirmation.

    Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35989

53. The fax says 'Erin, will you have dinner with me?' from Andy, and the number is our office fax number.

    Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35991

54. Sorry, that's unacceptable. I need you to send it immediately, or you're fired.

    Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35993

55. Oh, God, no. I'm... Just read the fax.

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56. I'm... I'm asking you out.

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57. So, it's a date.

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58. Yeah, what day? What day?

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59. Well, that, what's that one?

    Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 36003

60. Okay. Let's do it.

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61. Welcome back Tuna!

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62. Erin go braugh!

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36062

63. Thanks. It's actually my sister's old field hockey skirt.

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64. Erin and I have our first date tonight, and it has to be perfect. Why? Because according to 'How I Met Your Mother' that's the date that your kids are going to wait patiently to hear about, and you better have a good story for them.

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36065

65. 'The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon'

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66. She should go home. It's not the end of the world. We'll go on our date next week. She's still gonna like me in a week. Right?

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36172

67. I was just working at my desk and I wanted to run some new leads by you.

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36174

68. No, no, no, no, no.

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69. I have some good ideas...

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70. You sure?

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71. Hi!

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72. That's okay, I'm in my 'worky-works.' You look amazing!

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73. It is? I'm sorry.

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74. Okay, thanks.

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36244

75. Whoa!

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36246

76. I didn't know you had a brother.

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77. Well, any brother of Erin's is a friend of mine. Nice to meet you. Andy Bernard.

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78. Are we rotating seats, or?

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79. So, how does the whole foster sibling thing work? Do you guys share one parent or-?

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80. All right. Formative years.

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81. Yeah, it's a kilt.

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82. Ooh. It's coming down out there.

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83. No, I-

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84. Ah. Oh great, now I'm gonna get sick.

    Season 6 · Episode 17 · Line 36283

85. Well then no Andy Bernard per se.

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86. Very nice. Let me just, let me just write that down real quick. Pencil? Can you give me that pencil? Hang on Teddy... I'm making a sale. Sales.

    Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36358

87. Give me that

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88. Me likey!

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89. Hey. I guess you probably won't give me your leads since I'm a jerk salesman.

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90. Where?

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91. Are you...

    Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36442

92. Are you sure?

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93. Yeah.

    Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36508

94. All those who agree, say aye All those opposed -

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95. And I'll text Erin. She's really good at this stuff too.

    Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36539

96. Erin just texted me back. 'People love shells from far-away beaches'.

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97. Yeah. We wanted to bring you in and make a peace offering.

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98. It's freezing out here.

    Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36578

99. Oh wow, thank you. You're the nicest person I've ever met.

    Season 6 · Episode 18 · Line 36580

100. A bunch of us are talking about happy hour.

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