Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 14)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 14 of 40

1. Feel it against your cheek.

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2. You give me a gift-- Bam! Thank you note. You invite me somewhere-- Pow! RSVP. You do me a favor-- Wham! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness.

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3. Whoa--

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4. Thank you very much. Now I've got it for you.

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5. Is that right?

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6. Huh.

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7. That really works.

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8. Hey-- oh, hold on a second. Do not walk around with your jacket cattywampus.

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9. Whoa-- thank you very much. Oh boy.

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10. You are very welcome.

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11. Have a seat yourself.

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12. Not necessary.

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13. You didn't have to do that.

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14. Aye-yi-yi!

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15. Yep, yep. Took a page right out of the old Schrute book of niceness.

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16. You bought breakfast for everyone, so I got lunch for everyone.

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17. Whoa, whoa Dwight. I'm going to do this.

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18. No, I insist.

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19. Ok, Dwight this is ridiculous.

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20. Ahh.

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21. Stupid things wedged up there. No one in this office will help me.

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22. What if Dwight dies and I still owe him something? That is a recipe for a ghost.

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23. It's like a little envelope-- there you go.

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24. Surprise! It's from everybody. $15 value.

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25. I did stand up comedy once.

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26. Yeah, I killed.

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27. It was hilarious.

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28. I got it, I got it... Oh, Tuna beat me to it.

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29. I like Erin. There, I said it. I was kinda hoping she would ask me out, but things have not panned out on that front, so... it is time for the Nard Dog to take matters into his own paws.

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30. Who'd you get?

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31. Oooooo, saucy.

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32. Nathaniel Nutmeg, the local bartender and Nellie's brother.

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33. That's clever, Debutante.

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34. Well, you do actually. You've got this kinda like Florida Panhandle thing going, whereas what you really want is more of a Savannah accent, which is more like molasses just sorta spillin' out of your mouth.

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35. Uh, not familiar, what province is he from?

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36. I reckon I got something to say to Miss Beatrix Bourbon, if'n she don't mind.

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37. Hey there young lady.

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38. I would be remiss if I did not ask the pretty young lady out on a date for this weekend.

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39. Alright, a plan it is.

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40. I'm a little worried I might have asked out Naughty Nellie and not Erin. Which would be a whole lot less appealing, because Naughty Nellie says yes to everyone. And she might be a murderer.

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41. Just thinking about Weekend at Bernie's. It's funny, the guy's dead the whole time.

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42. Speaking of weekends, you excited about our date this weekend?

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43. Yeah, OK.

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44. Well, finest steakhouse in all Savannah.

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45. Did you mean a real date?

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46. Totally... not.

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47. I didn't do it!

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48. I am calm.

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49. That's aerosol spray. It's terrible for the environment.

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50. Ladies and gentlemen from Scranton, Pennsylvania, please welcome Michael 'The Machine' Scott.

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51. Hate the twirl!

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52. I'm so jealous right now.

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53. Hey, guys, do you think anyone might have had sex in here?

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54. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

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55. Michael, what if somebody asks you a question at this meeting? Are you just gonna wave, or what?

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56. Make it a softball. Something he can, like, crank out of the park.

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57. This is your big day. Come on.

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58. Kay.

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59. Yeah. Well, you should do that. Get in line.

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60. Look, do you want to be able to tell your grandkids you stood up for yourself during the - America's biggest financial crisis?

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61. You should get up and say something. You've got to be true to what's in there. Don't be a wuss.

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62. I've always been the guy who can rally other people to rebel. In high school I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway, got a 1220, always regretted it. I feel lachrymose .

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63. You wanted to see me?

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64. Is it serious? Wow. Andy's a wittle scared.

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65. Why would people say that?

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66. Andy have a boo-boo tummy.

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67. Would you rather me say 'Hey guys, my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up?'

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68. Crazy diarrhea happening right now?' Cause things can get real adult real fast.

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69. Do I sometimes replace Rs with Ws? Yes. Do I sometimes repeat a word to get my point across? Well if I do, Andy's sowwy.

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70. Well if I we're complaining, a lot of people think your Elvis voice is annoying.

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71. I don't-just people. For the record, I think it's pretty fantastic.

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72. Tank you Mr. Elwis.

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73. Dr. Tuna, MD, I have some terrible news.

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74. The entire office has come down with a pernicious case of the Mondays.

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75. 0%, unless we perform an immediate emergency morale transplant, stat!

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76. Don't worry. There is a surefire cure. Employee of the Month. Every awesome place I've worked has had one.

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77. Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, AIG, my summer at Enron.

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78. Great!

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79. Nope!

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80. Jim's talking to Michael right now. They totally went for our idea!

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81. Number nine, number nine. Jim Halpert.

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82. Correction. It was my idea.

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83. That would be employee number three, which would be... son of a bitch, Pam Halpert.

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84. Oh, really? From what, two to four?

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85. Why would you wrap it in a sheet, if you're not covering anything up?

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86. I begged Dwight and Jim to give me Erin for Secret Santa. And I decided to give Erin the Twelve days of Christmas. Is it my fault that the first eight days is basically thirty birds?

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87. Does it hurt?

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88. Hmm.

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89. I know, right?

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90. Huh!

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91. Yeah! Totally! I admit it! It's me.

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92. Seriously?' Are you serious?

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93. Yeah! Totally serious! I'm your Secret Santa! Busted!

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94. Hey Phyllis, could you not reveal to Erin that I'm her Secret Santa?

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95. Okay.

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96. Nnnnya.

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97. I, I thought that you would like it.

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98. Well it's the thought that counts.

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99. I suppose a gentlemen might... throw in the towel, at this point. Guess what? Not gonna happen.

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100. Merry Christmas Erin! Take it away boys!

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