Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 12)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 12 of 40

1. Bro-migo, you think you could put Erin on my row?

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2. If-

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3. Uh...

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4. That's...

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5. ... not what I meant.

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6. Are you blind?! Are you blind?! Sir, with the glasses, are you literally blind? I'm concerned you might be in danger.

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7. Okay, I was just looking out for you. You're doing great, by the way.

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8. Are you blind?!

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9. Can you see things with your eyeballs?!

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10. Bump! I bumped it!

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11. Jim, come on!

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12. Dwight.

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13. Parkour!

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14. Do me! Do me!

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15. Ow! Get off! Get off!

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16. Here it is, here it is... truck, to refrigerators, to dumpster, 360 onto the pallets, backflip gainer to the trash can.

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17. Hardcore Parkour!

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18. [leaps from trailer, disappears into empty refrigerator box]

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19. Parkour!

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20. [making a cup of tea in kitchen area]

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21. What?

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22. So?

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23. I like tea!

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24. Hahaha! I like it a lot! I love tea!

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25. WHAT??

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26. Who told you that? Was it Broccoli Rob? Someone from Chi Psi? Or did you run into someone from my high school?

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27. This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before, actually. Just a weird coincidence... a little too weird. Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all. Whoa! Which it is, of course. But it makes you wonder.

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28. Did you hear the rumor about me? That I'm gay?

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29. And?

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30. Do you think it's true? Do you think that I'm... gay?

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31. No! But, let me kick you a scenario. I'm at a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. He tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like at first. But if he was persistent, I think I might give in a little bit, just to see what it... felt like.

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32. Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's like really aggressive?

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33. It's not real Brad Pitt, this is like, this is my fantasy. Or it's like, not a fantasy, it's just... it's just a scenario.

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34. Tuna, how come you never try to set me up?

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35. Women friends?

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36. Not guy friends?

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37. No. I mean, for the record, I prefer women.

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38. But off the record, I'm kinda confused.

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39. Yeah, the evidence is sort of stacked against me, I feel like...

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40. Yeah, right?

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41. How?

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42. Right-o.

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43. Ohh...

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44. Alright. Well hey...

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45. Congratulations to you.

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46. Come on... little baby Tuna. Little junior toro.

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47. I heard it from Erin.

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48. Even the fact that I'm gay?

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49. Yes!

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50. Michael... am I gay?

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51. What can I do for ya Hoss?

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52. How are my sales doin'? Busted. My numbers are down a little bit and it's 'cause of the economy. You're not buying it, you're good. Okay the truth is, I have been having trouble focusing lately. I'm in this weird, flirty, nebulous thing with this cousin of mine and it's a total mind effer.

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53. Oh, I'm sorry Phyllis, you explain this email, okay. 'Hey Andy let's go visit grandma and then get drunk together, ha ha.'

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54. You got it.

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55. Oh, just backing up and turning around.

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56. Dit, dit, dit, dit, it's not for you. Pardon moi, Messieurs. I took the liberty of preparing for you a cheese platter which I will place here on the eastern wall of the conference room.

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57. Oui, Oui, Monsieur. From the Wisconsin region, a nice firm cheddar. Also from the great state of Wisconsin, an aged parmesan. Here you will find a cheddar style spread which has reacted nicely with the air to form a light rind which I think you'll find both challenging and delicious. At that point, I would recommend you take a trip south of the border to the great state of Illinois where you will find this fine Bleu Cheese dressing. If I may be so bold, it's a lot of fun to let the goldfish take a little swim in the bleu cheese. Bon appetit.

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58. That's not how that goes.

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59. There's no way that Stanley gets more beans than me. That is ridiculous. This is how it works.

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60. Thank you! That is exactly-- by the way, I would also like a raise.

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61. Watching people get sick always makes me sick. And... frankly so does talking about it. So... wow...

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62. What happens in Niagara, stays in Niagara.

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63. No... I didn't steal your joke.

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64. Hey, do one of you guys want to sit up front with me so I have someone to talk to? It's like a five hour drive-ish, you know.

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65. Mmm-hmm. Erin?

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66. Not only is Erin really sweet and cute... she smell's like my mom.

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67. Hey. I got the room the night before you guys. I'll break in the bed.

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68. How did Meredith get put at the young people's table?

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69. What? You're kid-- That's-- You're--

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70. Partay. Room 639.

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71. Chicks are gonna be off the hook. Guys, too, Oscar. Like Calvin Klein models.

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72. Nothing. Except $40 for beer and any hot chicks you know. 'Cause that would help me deliver on some promises I made. Woo!

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73. No one from the office has been to a real Bernard throw down.

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74. If I was girl, I would seriously reconsdier coming to this party. But don't tell anyone that I said that, 'cause I want them to come.

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75. You call that a robot? Try being more robotic, ok? Like this.

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76. How about a little bit of this.

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77. Did someone change my name to Baskin Robbin? Because I feel like a banana split. Woo!

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78. I was dancing and I did a split and I landed on my car keys in my pocket.

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79. I tore my scrotum. I need you to take me to the hospital.

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80. Everyone else is too drunk. Just don't let me die here.

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81. Are you sure this is the right way?

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82. Well, at least slow down a little bit because every little bump in the road is major pain on... my scrotum.

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83. I was trying to liven things up a little bit. I was kinda doing your job so--

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84. Well it's also to make sure that we have a great time at your stupid wedding, so--

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85. Ow, ow!

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86. I spent the night with the bride the night before the wedding. Ah yeah. She stepped on my hand on her way to the bathroom.

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87. No. No that was real.

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88. Oh cause of last night? No way. Reports have been exaggerated. Weddings make me very emotional. I um--I just have that side to me.

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89. Well that's not--

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90. I wasn't telling you.

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91. Excuse me?

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92. No, it didn't--nothing got torn off. Who told you that?

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93. It was my scrotum. Um, and it was. Thank you.

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94. Golf.

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95. Stock market.

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96. Dave Matthews.

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97. What do you think?

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98. What happened in there?

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99. Mobsters are!

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100. He drives an SUV!

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