Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 13)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 13 of 40

1. All mobsters have a front, sometimes it's selling insurance, sometimes it's waste management or sanitation.

   Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32302

2. Yeah, buy my insurance or I'll burn your warehouse down!

   Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32305

3. It's John Gotti, you idiot!

   Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32318

4. Yeah. It's pretty close.

   Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32321

5. Already? This, this guy is persistent!

   Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32337

6. Yeah right! You heard him! He's gonna burn down the warehouse or run one of our trucks off the road.

   Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32343

7. That is the stupidest thing you could do right now!

   Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32345

8. Not only that, but if they find out you snitched, you get a dead horses chopped off head in your bed!

   Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32348

9. That's how it works!

   Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32353

10. When somebody threatens you, you give in right away. Okay you need to buy insurance from this guy and get him off your back

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32355

11. Dwight...

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32358

12. Wait let's hear him out, this is interesting.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32361

13. Okay.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32363

14. I like this plan. I'd like to officially withdraw my plan.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32365

15. No, no, no. My plan is out! We do this the hard way.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32367

16. Well you're gonna have to. Dwight: We'll be right beside you.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32369

17. What?

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32370

18. Well if I'm gonna back you up, I need a weapon without drawing suspicion, and I have to justify it somehow so, I'm a mechanic with a tire thing.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32372

19. To change tires, no. But it's metal, I can hit somebody with it.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32374

20. Should I change?

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32376

21. Well then I can't use it. I'm just gonna hide it.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32380

22. Oh! God!

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32382

23. Hi.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32390

24. Hmm. Very true.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32417

25. You know, gabba-gool.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32426

26. Maybe we have a plan for you?

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32446

27. Yeeeeah.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32449

28. Yes I can.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32451

29. Okay!

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32454

30. Black goes on the red. With the... If we... Positive... Mo- it being a motor drive, it's probably down.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32467

31. You want to do this junior? I didn't think so. Sorry. It's kind of a long day at the... mechanic store. Aaaah! You got a leaky spark tube.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32469

32. So your car's totaled. Uh, you're just gonna want to get a refund on that. Or my guy could do it. He's great. But uh, I can't do that for you. I work exclusively on motorcycles.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32471

33. Yeah. Just thinking about how, uh, I had this car, this Italian car, and I was driving it, and it kept telling me how much it needed oil, but I wouldn't give it any oil. And then, one day it exploded and it killed everyone and that's what I'm afraid of.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32473

34. It was before, my tech- my technical training.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32475

35. Do it.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32477

36. Just do it.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32479

37. You were man enough to back down Michael, I'm proud of you.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32486

38. He's alive. So you're welcome.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32522

39. Yeah, some of that existed before.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32524

40. You're right, that is new.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32526

41. Well I don't see that happening.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32528

42. Are you saying-

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32530

43. That we surgically remove the fear center from Michael's brain?

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32532

44. That seems a little far-fetched.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32534

45. No, Michael. What we're trying to say is, we made a mistake assuming he was mafia. I have a buddy who's a Fed, and we did a background check on the guy. His background is perfectly clean.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32538

46. Class act. Boy scout.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32540

47. He's trying to intimidate you to close sales. He's just a pushy salesman.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32542

48. Whoa. Okay.

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32556

49. Next time you look in the mirror, you're gonna be looking at a guy who stood down the mafia!

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32566

50. You made the mafia apologize to you! You made the mafia be polite!

    Season 6 · Episode 5 · Quote 32571

51. Sure thing, Tuna Boss.

    Season 6 · Episode 6 · Quote 32736

52. How may I be of service to you?

    Season 6 · Episode 6 · Quote 32738

53. This aurea is a joke.

    Season 6 · Episode 6 · Quote 32740

54. What are you thinking?

    Season 6 · Episode 6 · Quote 32742

55. Let me tell you something, if you respect him at all, you will get him something better.

    Season 6 · Episode 6 · Quote 32744

56. I know, right?

    Season 6 · Episode 6 · Quote 32746

57. Trust me it would only make you mad.

    Season 6 · Episode 6 · Quote 32748

58. Is this because of the 60 Minutes segment about working conditions in our Peruvian paper mill?

    Season 6 · Episode 6 · Quote 32750

59. That is not okay dude.

    Season 6 · Episode 6 · Quote 32785

60. WB!

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 32976

61. Industrial P.! Makin' cold calls.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 32978

62. Where are you? Dean Trophies. Suite 100. Sherman Blinds and Rugs. Suite 202.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 32980

63. Yeah. I was gonna sing that part.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 32982

64. Except it was going to resolve the melody, so now my head hurts. Feels like I held in a sneeze. Mmm! I hate this feeling. Suite 401.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 32984

65. We're kind of a dynamic duo. Or trio.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 32999

66. Looks like somebody's got a case of the definitelies.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33002

67. Sha-bow.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33023

68. Oh, wow. You thought that- oh, my gosh. Oh. Definitely not.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33025

69. Nuh. Actually, it's kinda not ok. Um, I date models. Face models. My girlfriend, on a scale of one to Giselle, uh... a nine.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33028

70. Pam's carrying our surrogate. Because my girlfriend needed to keep her figure for fashion week. So, we, uh, we put our baby in Pam. Doesn't matter what Pam looks like.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33031

71. No I wasn't. Ok. The very idea of us together made you burst out laughing like you just bit into an Adam Sandler and jelly sandwich.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33034

72. Let me tell you something. I was never gonna make that sale.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33036

73. That is our sales pitch and we are stickin' to it.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33082

74. Well-

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33084

75. Yeah. You know. Two peas in a pod. We complete each other. What can I say? She loves to cook-

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33088

76. I love to dance-

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33090

77. Right. Sometimes I'll just dance for hours in the living room-

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33092

78. Yeah. We are thrilled.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33096

79. In fact, we spent the whole weekend researching various birthing coaches. Wasn't that fun, honey?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33098

80. Yeah. On Clearview Avenue.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33101

81. Yeah.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33103

82. One of the baby books suggets the best birthing posture is on all fours, like an animal. I just wish I had a special telephone so I could find out exactly wht the little soy bean wants. Right? Hey, little soy bean. What do you want? Right. How do- It- I felt it kick!

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33120

83. Oh, my gosh. Like a little magical foot just high-fived me.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33122

84. Oh, my gosh. It's like he's trying to say, 'I love you, too, Daddy'. I love you, too.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33124

85. Message received, little soy bean.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33126

86. Well, that went pretty well.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33150

87. We got a maybe. It was our first maybe. Going by the Nard Dog curve, I'd say we nailed it.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33152

88. You know what? I'm sorry. 'Cause in that moment I knew I was kissing your belly too much.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33154

89. Yeah.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33156

90. What the heck was that?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33158

91. Agh- try almost cried, ok? I just got caught up in the fantasy.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33160

92. No. I know I'm gonna go with Miss Janet. I just- I don't know. It was fun to role play, right?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33162

93. I mean, it was fun for me. Having a wife and a little baby. Agh, I'm so sick of being single.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33164

94. What do you think of Erin? I mean- she's- I- She's kinda cool.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33166

95. You think I can do better?

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33168

96. Gotta get my goin' out on.

    Season 6 · Episode 7 · Quote 33170

97. Wow. H & H. You went all the way to New York City to get us bagels?

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33229

98. Thanks.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33232

99. Oh, Dwight. I have a little surprise for you.

    Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33299

100. Yes! And I wanted to return the favor. I was polishing my loafers and I happened to look over and noticed that your brief case was a little worse for the wear, so a little elbow grease and she's polished right up, back up to her former glory.

     Season 6 · Episode 8 · Quote 33301