Accountant and the office's resident fact-checker.
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Well no one won the pool. Angela wasn't due for another month.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49385
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Well Kevin and I have to go, Accounting is its own little family.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49389
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We all got the email, some of us are going to go visit.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49392
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Guys, I don't know how many of you have seen- Gabe? Bring it in. I don't know how many of you have seen a premature baby before. It's going to be really tiny, so please don't say anything offensive.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49409
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Knock, knock. Oh!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49413
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We wanted to say hi to the newest little Dunder Mifflinite.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49416
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Kevin!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49419
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Wow, it's so... healthy.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49492
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Oh yeah, I don't know if it's right, but-
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49500
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Again, it may not be the right size. I can return-
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49503
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This baby is clearly not premature. They're lying about the date it was conceived. It's very interesting. And her husband's gay. I don't even know which thread to follow.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49506
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Honestly, I can return this for a larger size.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49525
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The only premature baby in this room is the baby this baby ate.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49527
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Angela.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49531
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I knew that, I knew it.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49533
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Chicken marsala.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49535
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Mm-hmm.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49537
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Dwight. Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49539
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He went to the car or something, but he'll be back.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49541
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Don't you want to see the baby?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49543
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I promised I wouldn't tell.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49545
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Angela got pregnant before the wedding.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49547
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She got pregnant before the wedding.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49549
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A month. You didn't hear it from me!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Quote 49551
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Angela, you look amazing.
Season 8 · Episode 14 · Quote 49734
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It just feels like a slap in the face.
Season 8 · Episode 14 · Quote 49843
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We're not questioning his reasons. I just wanna know what they are.
Season 8 · Episode 14 · Quote 49845
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...Andy.
Season 8 · Episode 14 · Quote 49867
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Can we see that? Did you really find it?
Season 8 · Episode 15 · Quote 50053
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Hey, you guys want to see a picture of Gerald wearing galoshes? He refused to go out in the rain until I bought these. Now going out in the rain is all he wants to do.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50257
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Hey, are your little dudes crawling yet?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50262
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It's maddening!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50266
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Exactly. That's just like crate training. All night long, all night long.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50267
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Like her genes are so important. The world just needs more Pam/Jim DNA. Thank you, no.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50270
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Un-be-liev-a-ble.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50274
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Andy.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50310
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Order reference number 00983-126.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50348
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Jamaican, huh? I just read about the elections down there. Crazy stuff.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50367
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Terrific.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50369
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Good job Andy.
Season 8 · Episode 17 · Quote 50650
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How can we feel safe knowing that there are gangs here? We should call the police right now!
Season 8 · Episode 17 · Quote 50663
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Why are you fixated on this hypothetical transgendered attacker?
Season 8 · Episode 17 · Quote 50707
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You've gotta be kidding me.
Season 8 · Episode 17 · Quote 50748
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No, Kevin --
Season 8 · Episode 17 · Quote 50750
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With all due respect we know what we're defending against: a twelve year old female bully.
Season 8 · Episode 17 · Quote 50828
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You guys, we've gone over this, there is no treasure.
Season 8 · Episode 18 · Quote 50861
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When the team left for Tallahassee, Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure. Obviously he wants us to obsess about it. There's nothing in there. Which is obviously what he would want us to think, making it the perfect place to hide a treasure. Oh god, I'm Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride.
Season 8 · Episode 18 · Quote 50862
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I am dying to know what's in there.
Season 8 · Episode 18 · Quote 50864
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We knew. Ryan told us.
Season 8 · Episode 18 · Quote 51058
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I remember when that balloon went up there. I was still with Gil. We were so happy.
Season 8 · Episode 19 · Quote 51123
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Pam, hit the brakes. Stanley does not have a moustache. I misspoke. I'm not sure. I think he has one, now that- I think he has a moustache.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Quote 51384
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Actually, Nellie, this monologue you're delivering is very offensive.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Quote 51419
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What does that mean?
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Quote 51423
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She's always late, she's always rude...
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Quote 51455
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Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Quote 51457
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Listen to this.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Quote 51540
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We're in far too deep. We can't change course at this point.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Quote 51546
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What I mean to say is we don't want to.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Quote 51548
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Plus everyone would know who you meant.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Quote 51576
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To Nellie Bertram, you are a most welcome and friendly presence at our company.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Quote 51610
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Pam, on the other hand, is a most unwelcome, entitled, unfriendly presence in our company.
Season 8 · Episode 20 · Quote 51613
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Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 21 · Quote 51692
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Time's almost up. How many are left?
Season 8 · Episode 21 · Quote 51695
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Nellie, does the person affected by this want us to help her in any way in particular?
Season 8 · Episode 21 · Quote 51834
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What is this?
Season 8 · Episode 21 · Quote 51845
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Oh come on, Ryan. Really? Ravi's way better.
Season 8 · Episode 21 · Quote 51908
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Oh, come on.
Season 8 · Episode 21 · Quote 51914
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Ryan, go away! She found herself a beautiful boyfriend!
Season 8 · Episode 21 · Quote 51919
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It says here this Smokey Robinson dead thing was a hoax. It's on CNN as of two minutes ago.
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 51998
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What's going on?
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52017
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my dog Gerald is my life.
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52067
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This confirms three things: I'm right about the senator, I still got it, and poor Angela.
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52069
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I stumbled into a very dramatic situation. Angelas husband just hit on me!
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52090
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I know!
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52092
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We were talking about animals, he gives me his cell phone number. He was just dying for me to have it.
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52094
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Well, if you would have seen the look he gave me, he wanted to run more than just my vote.
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52096
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So?
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52126
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This is interesting.
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52128
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He does not think Jim's gay. A gay man would not leave the house wearing those shoes.
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52132
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sorry about what? There's nothing to be sorry about here.
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52156
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No. I'm certainly not disappointed that Angelas husband was not hitting on me. I'd have to be a monster to root for that. A lonely, aging monster.
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52157
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Nice to see you again, it was lovely!
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52175
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okay
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52177
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why does this always happen to me? Ahh! I just feel so bad for Angela
Season 8 · Episode 22 · Quote 52179
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Why did Binghamton close?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Quote 52273
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Hello. My name's Oscar. I'm an accountant in Scranton, Pennsylvania and I'm gay. And I'm here to tell you that yes- it does get better. When I was younger, um-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Quote 52504
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No, it's just a way to tell young people, no matter how hard it gets for them, there's a brighter future ahead.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Quote 52508
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No matter how hard it gets for you, eh- Kelly, seriously, I-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Quote 52510
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Do you not own a mirror?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Quote 52512
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Okay, as you can see, I now have a cool job at a dynamic workplace. Being gay is a celebration of life, it's a simple-
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Quote 52516
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It's not misleading.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Quote 52518
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In any case, it gets better. Maybe- maybe not much better... but better.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Quote 52525
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What?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Quote 52698
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David Wallace hasn't worked here in years.
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Quote 52700
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Senator Lipton. Hey, how are you?
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Quote 52795
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Um, well, uh, the issue that I- that concerned me...
Season 8 · Episode 24 · Quote 52797
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That piece doesn't go there.
Season 9 · Episode 1 · Quote 52804
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No, I'm a dog person.
Season 9 · Episode 1 · Quote 52873
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Those guys always change back, Angela.
Season 9 · Episode 1 · Quote 52875
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Definitely no.
Season 9 · Episode 1 · Quote 52923