Oscar Martinez Quotes from The Office (page 13)

Accountant and the office's resident fact-checker.

1,490 quotes · page 13 of 15

1. But your mouth is ble'

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2. You know what? I will take Comstock.

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3. I'll come by after work and pick him up.

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4. C'est la vie.

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5. Yeah. Good news, tonight when you come over for dinner, you can play with your old buddy Comstock.

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6. Next question for our oldie-weds-

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7. Pam's first celebrity crush.

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8. Then why are we talking about her looks? Why not her credibility? Or her reliability?

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9. I'm so sorry, Andy, but for twenty years, the most trusted man in America - Walter Cronkite.

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10. Does Erin have any experience? Has she taken any journalism classes, maybe? Or...

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11. I'm just saying, what does it imply in this country when a white person shares an ancestor with a black person?

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12. Well, if there's another explanation, I don't really see what it could possibly be. I'[gets cut by Andy barging into the convo]

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13. Andy! Andy! No! I would be very polite today.

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14. Your connection. To Michelle Obama has certain... negative connotations. Most likely, your family were'slave owners.

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15. The difference is, Andy, that you're the only be here still benefitting from the terrible things that your ancestors did.

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16. Your family's rich! I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune was earned on the backs of slaves.

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17. Really?

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18. What was that? That was just a normal video with you making vulgar noises.

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19. It stands for electromagnetic field. Generally cause by a concentration of wiring in one area Especially if they're poorly insulated. Dwight.

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20. No six after the eight, no....

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21. Shh!

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22. Six.

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23. Hold on, Kevin, how much is 19,154 pies divided by 61 pies?

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24. What if it were salads?

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25. Dwight!

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26. Whoa! Whoa! Dwight!

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27. What?

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28. I don't know what you're talking about.

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29. Kevin, are you trying to get me to hit you? In the face with my pie?

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30. Role call.

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31. Senator Lipton, nice to see you.

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32. Actually I'm the electoral college.

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33. I, uh, huh, just

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34. Can you guys come with me for a minute?

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35. I know you saw me with the Senator. I think I'm in love, possibly for the first time. So yes, Senator Lipton and I are having an affair. I hope that I can count on your sensitivity, maturity and discretion....Why?

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36. Kevin, listen to me. I'm in love with the Senator. And I need time to sort this out in a responsible matter so I need your help in keeping it a secret because this means the world to me. Ok?

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37. Can you do this, Kevin?

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38. I don't know what that means. Hey, hey-

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39. Perfect.

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40. Kevin!

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41. That actually wasn't the worst cover. I'd say at least once a week, Kevin runs out of the room shouting that he has to go to the bathroom.

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42. That's a tough one.

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43. I'm in big trouble.

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44. [looking at folder he brought Toby]It's clearly not an accounting mistake.

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45. So...

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46. Well, you've gotta do what you've gotta do.

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47. I hope that's it, Kevin.

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48. Guys? Excuse me. Um, a quick word, please just..

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49. Oh, you're right I'm so sorry. Snack machine on me.

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50. Those figures I gave you? They're false.

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51. I was mad at Kevin, we had a fight and I acted vindictively.

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52. Yes, he's innocent.

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53. What are you talking about? I just did this now.

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54. Sure.

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55. That's gotta be tough.

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56. Well, I am sorry Kevin.

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57. No.

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58. You know what? I'm sorry. I overreacted. Because I'm stressed out. Why am I stressed out? Who's not stressed out? Who's not stressed out? Who-

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59. U..s..a. U-

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60. I have to say I'm impressed with Kevin. Uh, he showed a lot of self-control.

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61. Hi.

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62. More like fall cleaning.

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63. This doesn't... I'm sorry. Wha... what?

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64. I literally have nightmares in which what just happened happens. I wake up in a sweat. And then I make Angela's husband spoon me back to bed.

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65. Oh, I'm sure ...that's nothing.

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66. Angela, Blake's also a guy's name so he... may be spending his afternoons with a guy named Blake. So nothing to worry about. Huh. Blake. Who is Blake?

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67. I just never heard about the senator and yoga...

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68. From you. I'm sure it's probably nothing. But what's with the yoga already?

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69. And Blake! All right Angela, calm down! We need to go check this out.

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70. Angela, I'll go with you.

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71. Angela! Angela. There.

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72. On the stairs. Stay calm. Stay down. Oh, so wait. Blake is a her.

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73. She's repositioning his hips for downward facing dog.

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74. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...

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75. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Shut up, hold on. Shh. Hold on. Sorry. Look.

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76. Just wait. Just a minute. Just watch.

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77. Please. It's Robert who's enjoying it.

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78. This could be the affair that you're scared of. Politicians are wonderful liars. You never know who they really are. But uh, he's probably not gay. He's straight. He's straight, so...

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79. I don't know, Angela. I'm dehydrated. Maybe... You heard me wrong. We should just go.

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80. He's making a phone call.

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81. [phone vibrates, rings]

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82. Yesterday, Angela may or may not have figured out that I'm having an affair with her husband. So I just have to wait and see. When she comes in, if she's cold and awkward and cruel to me, then great, it's business as usual.

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83. Good morning.

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84. Of course, ask me a que-- questions.

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85. Yes, a little bit. Yes.

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86. It's the stupid thermostat! That thing is a catastrophe. So I'm gonna, um, on your suggestion, get someone to fix it. I'll just go downstairs.

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87. No, thank you, Angela.

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88. She doesn't know. I shouldn't be surprised. This is a woman who married a man who is obviously a homosexual. Basically, she has her head in the sand. In a way I feel sorry for her. I guess the universe rewards true love.

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89. I brought you a cookie.

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90. I just gave her a cookie, and she called me an angel, so... yeah, we're good. Yeah. We dodged a bullet, yes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah-- Well, I gotta go now, but-- Okay, bye. Bye.

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91. What?

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92. What are you doing?

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93. Oh, my God! What is wrong wiht you?

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94. I don't know what you're talking about.

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95. I got it.

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96. What the hell, Dwight?

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97. you are incorrigible!

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98. You hired someone to hit me with a pipe!

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99. What-- what I did was wrong, and I have to live with that every day. But your husband is... gay. He was gay when you married him!

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100. Angela, until you face that, you're gonna be confused and angry for all the wrong reasons. But if you want to blame me for the whole thing, go ahead -- I won't stop you. Hit me. you have my blessing. Hit me.

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