thedundies.com

Oscar Martinez Quotes from The Office

Accountant and the office's resident fact-checker.

1,490 quotes · page 1 of 15

  1. You guys better update your resumes just like I'm doing.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 67

  2. Can't you just tell us.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 112

  3. Yeah but Michael, what if they downsize here?

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 120

  4. It's my job to keep the books in order. And, um, I... I'm, uh, immediately below my supervisor.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 247

  5. There's a lot of anxiety. I don't want to get laid off. This place is like five minutes from my house.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 249

  6. Can I just say one thing? Um, my friend is Jewish, Art Geller. And a couple of years ago he, um, showed me how you can plant a tree in Israel, so I planted a tree. So... You know 'cause... Yeah we work in paper. Well, you know, I try to give back.

    Season 1 · Episode 1 · Line 252

  7. All right.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 291

  8. It was fine.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 293

  9. Martinez.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 295

  10. What part Native American?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 393

  11. Two fifteenths, that fraction doesn't make any sense.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 395

  12. OK, Michael, um... Both my parents were born in Mexico.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 397

  13. And, uh, they moved to the United Sates a year before I was born. So I grew up in the United States.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 399

  14. My parents were Mexican.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 401

  15. Thank... Yeah...

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 403

  16. Mexican isn't offensive.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 405

  17. Like what?

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 407

  18. What connotations, Michael? You meant something.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 409

  19. I'm just curious.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 411

  20. He literally won't come out of his office.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 655

  21. Michael, can I talk to you?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 658

  22. It's like a pay decrease.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 665

  23. This is not good.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 672

  24. What was that?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 674

  25. I don't know, Kevin. This is important. I don't want... There he is.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 794

  26. I don't know.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 796

  27. Well?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 797

  28. OK, the health care plan.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 799

  29. Well, you have no right to ask those questions.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 813

  30. Because I don't want my benefits slashed.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 815

  31. I'm reporting you.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 817

  32. Michael I need to talk to you.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 819

  33. Michael.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 821

  34. Michael, Michael I... ... inside.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 823

  35. Oh, yeah. Here's the rest of them.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 844

  36. Uh, I'm sorry to bother you.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 989

  37. My nephew is involved with, um, a charity for cerebral palsy, and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to... you know... if...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 991

  38. Donate to the charity?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 993

  39. Thank you.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 995

  40. That's... that's... that's very generous.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 997

  41. Well, that's what a walk-a-thon is.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1071

  42. It says it right on the sheet. Look, look at the sheet. It says, 'However many dollars per mile.'

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1073

  43. I just think it's kind of cheap to un-donate money to a charity.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1075

  44. Yeah.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1077

  45. Last year, he walked 18 miles.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1079

  46. How old is she?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1093

  47. Uh, nice party Michael.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1098

  48. Per mile.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1103

  49. Thank you, Michael.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1108

  50. My nephew does it every year. Anything you could give would be fantastic.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1184

  51. I never suggested...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1227

  52. Michael, if I gave you...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1229

  53. Thank you.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1231

  54. Okay.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1233

  55. How old is she?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1240

  56. I can help out, if you need me.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1320

  57. What time do we have to come in?

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1479

  58. I'm on the phone.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1641

  59. That's supposed to be confidential.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2019

  60. The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party, and you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there. But the kid's having a really good time, so you're, kind of there. That's-that's kind of what it's like.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2108

  61. I think many people find that character slightly racist.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2298

  62. Look, I'm just saying that there are many people that are offered by your insensitive skits.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Line 2300

  63. I saw it.

    Season 2 · Episode 2 · Line 2694

  64. Yeah. It's a terrible system, I know.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2794

  65. Eh.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2796

  66. It's a scoreboard.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2798

  67. Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michael's out.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2800

  68. Yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2802

  69. Sweet!

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2808

  70. You should ask Toby to teach you Dunderball.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2816

  71. Pair of shoes!

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2903

  72. Ah...

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2943

  73. Great.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 2971

  74. I mean, you've got, you've got stuff here. You rented 'Mermaids.' You can't... It's a movie. You can't deduct that, you know that.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3016

  75. Remember last year he slipped by with 'Stripes.' He rented 'Stripes,' he had it for a week.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3021

  76. And that got through, so maybe he's thinking he can do that from now on.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Line 3023

  77. But it says no late fee... .

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3146

  78. No, I don't hear it? Alright.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3155

  79. No, no. Finish the...

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3158

  80. Pam.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Line 3306

  81. Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3562

  82. What are you implying?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3569

  83. Yes?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3595

  84. Yeah?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3597

  85. This is great. Oh.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3599

  86. Oh... hey.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3650

  87. Oh.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3652

  88. Signed what?

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4156

  89. Just chocolate. Angela? For the last time, I did not eat your chocolate-vanilla swirl.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4158

  90. She had done a background check on me, she had it printed out.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4213

  91. Yeah. And she was asking me about stuff, line by line, while we were having dinner.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4215

  92. Ok, that's a joke.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4220

  93. Mr. Scarn, perhaps you would be more comfortable in my private jet?

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4354

  94. Yeah, now it doesn't make any sense.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4486

  95. No, they just made out. That's it.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4582

  96. Today is performance-review day, company-wide, and I'm a little concerned about my review. I exceeded my sick days and my personal days because I just couldn't take it. And I don't have a good answer for him, when he asks me.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4771

  97. Michael, I don't know what to say.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4773

  98. Yes, I'm in accounting and I'm sorry and all the extra days. I know I passed my limit.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4775

  99. Yes.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4777

  100. Hey, what's the deal, Michael? Why are you spying on our computers?

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4930