Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 121)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 121 of 122

1. No! God!

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2. No, no, no! This is the performance of your life!

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3. Jim, please no loopholes.

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4. This is my last Dundies ever, if I want mind control over him, is that too much to ask?

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5. Good. Good. Good!

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6. Now, tell me something terrible that happened in your childhood.

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7. Too personal. I don't wanna hear about it. Let's try this. Put these on. I am going to turn this on, and turn the volume all the way up. So you can't- That's right, you're not going to be able to hear yourself. Read this, and make it sound perfect.

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8. Say it with an accent!

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9. The Dundies!

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10. Deangelo! We're in serious horse manure here! The Dundies are tonight! And we ain't got no host!

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11. Luckily I have someone for you!

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12. Better.

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13. He's in Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway. Now we need Michael Scott! The best darn Dundies host on both sides of the Mississippi!

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14. My boyfriend can, he's a state senator.

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15. Oh wait, he can't help because that title has no meaning!

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16. I totally don't know where Michael is, dude. Hey, you wanna listen to some records?

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17. Well, what are you talking about? Ohh! Ohh! I've fallen and I can't get up!

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18. I'm here. In a good way! I've been here the whole time.

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19. Deangelo, what are you doing? There's a live audience out there!

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20. No, Ryan would never do it. It's too on the radar. Look, look. The boss, hosts, the Dundies! It's sort of our perk!

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21. Listen to me, you're not doing this for me, you're not doing this for you, you're not even doing this for them!

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22. You're doing this for all those kids out there, eating off the Louie Volpies kid's menu, wondering: Does it get better? What I want you to do, is I want you to say: It's showtime. Get out there.

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23. Say it.

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24. You can do it, just say it.

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25. Now hit me. One, two, three.

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26. Alright, here we go.

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27. Okay! Okay! Sorry about the delay everybody! But we were at the DMV waiting in line.

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28. There are a lot of great salesmen in this office, but one of our great salesmen is also a great dad. And a close personal friend of mine, Jim Halpert! Best Dad Dundie!

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29. Well done.

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30. Alright.

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31. Which moves us to, Best Mom Dundie. I guess we all kinda consider her a mom around the office. Meredith Palmer!

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32. Year after year, I catch a lot of flak on this particular award, because year after year I present this award to a guy instead of a girl. Hottest in the office goes to, Danny Cordray! Danny couldn't be here tonight...

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33. Stanley Hudson is a grump, everybody knows that. But did you know, that Stanley Hudson is also the face of a debilitating disease known as diabetes. The Diabetes Award goes to Stanley Hudson! Come on up here you sick bastard.

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34. You know, herpes affects one in five sexually active adults? Pippy Longstocking, Ronald McDonald's wife, Ron Howard, Ron Weasley, what do thay all have in common? Red heads. Erin Hannon, come on up here and receive your Cutest Red Head in the Office Award!

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35. There you go.

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36. It is difficult to recognize the person who will be replacing you. But he is a good guy, so the Michael Scott Award for Best Dundies Host goes to Deangelo Vickers.

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37. Deangelo is expressing himself.

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38. Okay, we're done! That's it.

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39. We're done. We're done!

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40. So that is how it ends. My last Dundies ever. I was hoping it'd be more like Godfather Three. That rapped up the whole franchise in an extremely satisfying way. But instead it is like Godfather One! That was, very confusing, had maybe three big laughs. Oh well...

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41. What?

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42. No, no. You're being too hard on yourself. We had a very truncated rehearsal time.

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43. So what you're saying is you kinda like it? I've fallen and I can't get up! That Phyllis bit, that was pretty good.

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44. That got a big laugh.

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45. You were laughing right?

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46. We're really close.

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47. That's true, we wouldn't get seats together.

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48. You know, despite a couple hiccups, I think that went very well.

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49. Man! Maybe you should have won the Kind of a Bitch Award.

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50. What is your problem?!

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51. Okay! That, that is unfair! The clothing was safe, but tasteful.

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52. He is in an all-out sprint.

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53. Here... Okay! By his own omission, this person actually tried marijuana in college, so the Doobie Doobie Pothead Stoner of the Year Award goes to, Andy Bernard!

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54. Oh, okay.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44341

55. Oh my God, something's happening.

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56. Yeah, okay. Well this is gonna hurt like a mother[bleep].

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44363

57. No it's not.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44365

58. Here he comes! Alright! You deserve it!

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44369

59. Well, I'm moving to Colorado to start my new life with Holly. Just up here, getting used to the altitude.

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60. Yes?

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61. Ahh, thank you. Like a butler.

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62. Oh, these do not taste like oysters.

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63. Sick freak! What is wrong with you?

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64. I don't own Dunder Mifflin, okay? The job was not mine to give. Look, I need your advice on something. I am told that there are bears in the Rockies.

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65. Well, I was just thinking that maybe I should keep a salami in my pocket...

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66. ...in order to feed the bears.

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67. How do you mean?

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68. Okay, so no salami in the pants. How about a pepperoni?

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69. Okay.

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70. Hm?

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71. Well I have interviews.

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72. Yes. Yes, you know what? Take my favorite truck. Sure.

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73. Oh you don't, that's-

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74. That sounds good. Thank you.

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75. Sad? No, no, no. I don't leave 'til tomorrow, so... Tomorrow I will be a wreck.

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76. There they are! Party Planning Committee together again!

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77. Mmm!

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78. You know what, I'm thinking maybe we should get ice cream that everybody'll like. How about vanilla? Let's get vanilla.

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79. Tomorrow I want everyone to have a good time. No drama. And as for today, just a typical day. Alright?

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44430

80. What do you like Pam?

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81. What kind of toppings would you like?

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82. Sounds good. Fudge it up!

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83. I bought this for myself. And yesterday, they gave me this. I still need something to drink out of though.

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84. Attention everyone, before I leave tomorrow I would like to reveal a secret I have kept for over twenty years. A secret about Phyllis.

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85. When Phyllis was in high school, she was so... cute. And she still is.

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86. Ahh.

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87. Sounds great, I just think it's great. Oh, I have gifts as well! And I will start, by giving the first gift to Phyllis! Phyllis, you are shy and sweet, and you don't often speak your mind, but you should. Because you have great ideas. So Phyllis, I am giving you this, so you can always remember to speak your mind.

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44445

88. Stanley, you love your Sudoku and your puzzles, I bestow upon you, my felt. May you never lose the fun loving quality in life.

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89. Well, okay... And Andy, Andy who needs confidence that he is a great salesman. I give you, my clients, our ten most important accounts.

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90. But you're the best salesman, on the inside.

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91. You sold us all on Andy, a product that nobody wanted.

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92. You're not gonna lose them.

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93. Just do your best! I have faith in you.

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94. Kevin, I have something for you.

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95. You know who that is?

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96. Don't be a caricature Kevin, never be a caricature. How did that feel when I tore that up?

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97. Good, stand up. You will be thin. You Won't drool over pizza like an animal anymore.

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98. You will find love.

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99. Don't be. You should never settle for who you are. Oscar, Oscar, Oscar! Oscar, you are-

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100. Okay, you know what? Just do your best buddy! Okay, Oscar, you are very smart, and you have a gigantic education. And, I think of you as my scarecrow, because you gave me a brain. So that's why I made you this.

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