Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 38)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 38 of 40

1. I knew it!

   Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57142

2. You and Erin are fuhhhhhhherraaaaa!

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3. No overlap? Great. Good. Wow. This is suddenly so easy. Guess what? You're fired!

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4. Yeah. You. Are. Fired! One of the perks of being boss. I can fire anyone who steals my girlfriend. And wow, that turns out to be you. Yup. Sorry. So you had a bad day-

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5. ..The camera don't lie!

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6. You're being an idiot get..

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7. Out of my office, turns out you're fired...

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8. Because you suck.

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9. And you're fired...

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10. So you had a bad day...

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11. Rut ti doh doh...

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12. Rut tit doh doh...

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57164

13. Rut ti doh doo doh

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14. No.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57169

15. Nellie was a professional grudge. This is a purely personal grudge.

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16. They already have a contract? 'Mutually agree to-' Ah, every phrase is like a dagger in my crotch.

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17. Well, I'm not signing away my rights.

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18. Ok, well we'll see about that.

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19. Thank you! Thanks, thanks a lot. Really appreciate it. You guys are supposed to have my back. OK? Instead you let a guy named Plop steal my girlfriend.

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20. Ugh.

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21. That doesn't matter. Ok? What matters is that I am hurt! Deep hurt inside of me. I don't care if they're Romeo and freaking Juliet! I feel like the guy that Juliet dated before Romeo. Probably her boss. And guess what? Juliet's boss also had feelings.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57229

22. What?!

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57231

23. Sorry.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57233

24. My whole life is a booger bubble!

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25. Kinda painful to chat with you Pete. Ever since the old one-two punch to my scrotum pole. Translation: penis. Translation? My manhood.

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26. Great advice. Thank you, you can leave now.

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27. Awesome perspective. Thanks for butting in.

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28. Yeah, so life gives you lemons and you've just gotta eat them, rinds and all. And if you don't want to eat them? Your ex-girlfriend will shove them down your throat with the help of her hunky new boyfriend. So that's fun.

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29. Hi.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57328

30. Hi, how's it going?

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31. Wow this sure is intense. Having to share a workspace with someone you used to get it on with?

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32. Awkward.

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33. Really uncomfortable situation.

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34. It's alright Pete, you can handle it. I mean we all just gotta 'move on'. Ain't that right professor lecture much? Uh, question. How's that medicine taste? Your own flavored? Is it just me or have these tables turned? Hmm. Hmm.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57338

35. Hey, love turds. Conference room, now.

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36. Thank you all for coming in. Just wanted to check in. How is everyone's day?

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57383

37. Really? Hmm. That's interesting. Because Erin and Pete thought it wouldn't be weird at all. Why do you think it was weird, Gabe? Maybe because you and Erin used to be an item?

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38. And Alice, uh, I understand you once dumped Pete, ouch.

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39. We'll get to that. Gabe, did Erin ever tell you that she loves you?

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40. Alright, yes. That is a legitimate question. Does making Erin and Pete feel bad make me feel better? Yeah. Yeah, it does.

    Season 9 · Episode 16 · Line 57427

41. Wow, you're right. It is just about the cupcakes.

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42. Oh my god. I forgive him so much. Whoa, is he choking?

    Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57626

43. Last night? Oh, god, um, I don't know. Na, nothing really. Kevin?

    Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57661

44. I'm not, a... I'm just. I don't know. Oh. Gosh. I actually. It is hard to recall. Um. Pretty normal night.

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45. Yeah. I didn't see you last night at all.

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46. What?

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47. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Why is Phyllis so aroused?

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57696

48. Well there you go. That's muy caliente.

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49. Excuse me, dirty birdie

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50. You can have this back at the end of the day. Oh!!

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57704

51. Guys, are you reading the online comments? Somebody commented on my banjo playing. 'Banjo at 0:19 is aight' Internet, calm down! I must be really connected with this guy. I mean that's the guy's name, right? ChobbleGobbler?

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57748

52. Of course there are!

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53. People, relax! We are killing it online. Have you guys checked the comments? SmokeThatSkinwagon says: 'You guys are killing it!' I mean, we're internet sensations guys!

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57816

54. Oh! Seven new comments. 'The guy at 0:19 is hawt!' 'Hi Bongripper, it's me, Andy. The guy from 0:19, I'm glad that you enjoyed my work in that promo. I really enjoyed your comment, going to read some more comments now. Have a great day!''He's not hawt, he's gay.' 'Dear JasonJasonJason, it's me, Andy. Nice name. Not! Guess what? I'm not gay! So you are an IDIOT. And I am hawt, according to people on this site who have a brain. Never comment on this page ever again.' 'He is hawt!' See, thank you, that's more like it. 'He is butt.' God dammit! I'm about to lose my FREAKING MIND! Screw you TexasPoonTappa! Uh!

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57845

55. Hey! TexasPoonTappa and JasonJasonJason and all the rest of you haters out there! Check this out.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57993

56. Huh? Yeah, see ya. Oh! What?!

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57995

57. Red alert! Red alert! The reviews are in! I repeat, the reviews are in.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58008

58. I just got a text from my brother. Scranton Times Tribune.com. There's a review of the documentary!

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59. I don't know, Phyllis! I just got the text and started screaming, 'Red Alert.'

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60. I think we should.

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61. It's okay. The hell does he know?

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62. I want you to print that out for me.

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63. Now that this documentary is coming out, my days at Dunder Mifflin are probably limited. And you know what? Good. Because this is not what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be my generation's Lisa Loeb.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58026

64. Hello, William Morris Agency. I need to speak with your best agent who represents your biggest stars. Yes, I'll hold. I'm sorry. I misunderstood. Goodbye.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58065

65. Yeah, come on in. I'm just on hold with another talent agency. It's insane. This promo with me playing banjo has 250 views already. And every time I click, there's more. 251. 252. I can't even keep up!

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66. I hate people! Why do they never do what you need them to do? Stanley has to go. That's final.

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67. Yes! I'm sorry I'm being curt, it's just I'm about to land a top talent agent.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58074

68. Directory? Movie Star department. Back. Directory.

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69. Huh, yeah. I mean, I'm happy Angela's the first one getting famous, but it's a little weird, no? I mean, she can't sing or act, so it's actually kind of insane, if you think about it.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58143

70. Yeah, we get it, Phyllis, she looks like a freakin' movie star!

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58145

71. Come on!

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72. Carla Fern is not just an actor's agent. She does writers, directors, travel, and real estate.

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73. Actor?

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74. Yeah, wow, cool. Is it hard to train them to do that?

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58183

75. Does anything go on top of the mouse?

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76. Aw, that's cute.

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77. What's the mouse's name?

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78. Well, what can't I do? Right, I can sing, I can dance, I can play the banjo, innit? And if you hadn't noticed, I've got a pretty good British accent.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58246

79. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I did drive myself here.

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80. My exact age is 28 to 34, so basically just send me out on whatever Jake Gyllenhaal's going out on.

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81. : Yes. And yes.

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82. Whereas that is not why I have entered show business, I do understand that you have to build credibility. I'm all for it.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58254

83. Well, at least I tried. Thank you very much.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58256

84. You are? Yes! Yes. Are you being for real right now? Oh, man. Ah, yes! I need this so bad. I really think this is what could fix me.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58258

85. Most talent agents take 10% of whatever jobs they get you, but with Carla you pay a flat rate of $5,000 up front. And that includes headshots.

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86. It doesn't include headshots.

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87. Well, of course not, because that would be insane if it did. Still getting a bargain, though.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58264

88. Be careful of that beaker, it contains dangerous acid!

    Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58285

89. Well I'm just trying to bring some life to it.

    Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58287

90. Last week I got an agent and uh, this week I got a movie. HRPDC chemical handling protocols. It's gonna be seen by tons of workers in the industrial chemical community. One of whom could have a cousin whose brother's Brad Pitt. And boom, next thing you know, I'm in Moneyballs Two.

    Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58288

91. Go away, we're running lines.

    Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58290

92. Oh yeah. Alright, get over here. I am so freaked out by things going into eyes. I just- wow. Uggggh! I can't even, I'm so freaked out by that, just go. Go go go go go.

    Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58292

93. Yeah, Ok. Alright. Where were we?

    Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58294

94. And remember: Do not attempt to extinguish a chemical fire with water. You will only exacerbate the flame. The dangerous flame.

    Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58296

95. W-w-w-wait. Stop stop stop. Don't go anywhere. I just need to find more colors. Let's do it six more times.

    Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58298

96. Heads up everyone. If you really need something from me today, let's get it done tomorrow. Carla Fern got me a gig.

    Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58309

97. Yeah.

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98. Who is Carla Fern? Well, wow. Uh, she's my agent and my drill sargent. And one of my best friends. Oh, and Oscar, I already figured it out. If I have to get emotional in the film, I'm just going to think about you getting dumped by the Senator.

    Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58313

99. Little raw. Not cool Oscar.

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100. Not cool.

     Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58317