Every line from The Office season 4, episode 2, in script order. First aired October 4, 2007.
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Pam
No...
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18032
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Ryan
What?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18033
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Pam
Um...
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18034
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Ryan
I just... I just wanted to have dinner.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18035
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Pam
I'm uh, I'm dating Jim.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18036
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Ryan
You're kidding?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18037
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Pam
We're together.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18038
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Ryan
That's... great, I... that's awesome.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18039
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Pam
Yeah, great.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18040
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Ryan
So let me um, let me look at these.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18041
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Pam
OK great!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18042
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Ryan
Cool.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18043
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Pam
Great.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18044
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Jim
I guess he can't get any girl he wants.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18045
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Ex-client
Did you forget something? What happened to you guys?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18046
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Michael
Give it back. The gift basket, give it back.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18047
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Ex-client
Oh what is this?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18048
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Dwight
It's real simple. If you don't appreciate what we do, then give us back our basket.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18049
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Ex-client
Maybe you should leave.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18050
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Michael
Yeah, maybe we should, maybe we should leave. Come on, let's leave, but before we leave my wet friend and I are going to wait for our cabs on yours nice couches!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18051
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Dwight
Can you call us a cab please, I'm gonna Oops, sorry!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18052
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Michael
Look, my clothes are so wet!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18053
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Dwight
Nice leather, oh my shoes are so muddy!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18054
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Ex-client
Alright here you go, take it back!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18055
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Michael
It's been opened.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18056
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Ex-client
Yeah it was mine!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18057
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Michael
What's missing... the turtles. Where are the turtles? Where are the turtles?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18058
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Ex-client
Come on guys, get out of here!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18059
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Michael
WHERE ARE THE TURTLES? WHERE ARE THEY?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18060
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Dwight
Excuse me I have an announcement to make. We seem to be missing a box of chocolate turtles with peacons, and we will not be leaving the premises until we obtain them. Hand. Over. The. Turtles. Now!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18061
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Ex-client
I ate them OK, I ate the turtles, they're gone!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18062
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Dwight
We'll bill you.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18063
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Michael
May I have your attention please? This office will not be using any new technology ever, starting now.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18064
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Ryan
That is not correct.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18065
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Michael
Ryan thinks that technology is the answer. Well guess what? I just drove my car into a lake.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18066
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Oscar
You did what?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18067
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Michael
I drove my car into a lake. Why you may ask did I do this? Well, because of a machine. A machine told me to drive into a lake. And I did it! I did it because I trusted Ryan's precious technology, and look where it got me.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18068
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Jim
Into a lake.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18069
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Michael
Exactly!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18070
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Phyllis
Did you get any clients back?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18071
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Michael
Maybe, maybe not, time will tell. But I will tell you one thing. Those gift baskets never endangered anybody's lives. Game set match... point... Scott... game over... end of game.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18072
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Michael
Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18073
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Ryan
I'm not saying I had a meteoric rise... but I did. And if they knew how much I was paying for my haircut now, they wouldn't be giving me a noogie. ... It was two hundred dollars.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18074
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Ryan
You should come visit. The city is... amazing.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18075
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Jim
I know. I love it there.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18076
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Ryan
No. You don't know until you live there. There's something about waking up every morning and just being in that city.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18077
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Jim
Mmhmm, yeah, last time I was there I had a lot of fun.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18078
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Ryan
No. You can't imagine it, though. The energy when you're actually there. You're just part of something bigger than you, that's moving faster than you. Your dreams are... . it just... everything feels so limitless.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18079
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Jim
Sounds great.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18080
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Ryan
No. It... eh... you can't... it's not about how it sounds.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18081
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Jim
Yeee... (grunts in frustration)
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18082
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Michael
Yes. My old friend Ryan Howard is coming back today for some big presentation. Very, very excited. He is my protege. He is someone that I hand-raised, that I nurtured. Um... he is like a prime cut of veal whom I nourished with my milk. And now he is also my boss. So, win/win.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18083
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Oscar
Um...
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18084
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Michael
Oh, Okay. Okay. Just... Well, our old friend Ryan Howard is back, and we're going to give a little presentation about the future of our company. So please listen up. All right.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18085
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Ryan
Have a seat with everybody else.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18086
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Michael
You don't want me to help?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18087
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Ryan
You don't know what I'm going to talk about. Actually, can you do me a favor?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18088
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Michael
Yes?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18089
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Ryan
Can you get me a cold water?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18090
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Pam
I got it.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18091
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Ryan
That's all right, Pam. Michael's got it.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18092
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Michael
Um... yes, I'll be right back!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18093
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Ryan
Thank you.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18094
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Jim
That was slightly harsh, don't you think?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18095
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Ryan
I spent three years, driving around, getting him yams and magic wands. He can get me water.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18096
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Michael
I think I know what's going on. Ryan believes that there is some sort of special 'boss water' that he gets to drink now. And there isn't. But, um... don't tell him. Don't tell him that. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18097
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Michael
Ryan is causing some problems. And you were always good at handling him. What should I do to control him?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18098
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Kelly
Well, he's super-ticklish, I don't know if that helps.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18099
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Michael
I know, I know, no, what... something else.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18100
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Kelly
Oh, he's also super-insecure about his height.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18101
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Michael
Uh-huh.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18102
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Kelly
And he doesn't care about anybody but himself.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18103
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Michael
Good.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18104
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Kelly
And don't have sex with him, 'cause if you do, the next two years of your life will be a total waste of time.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18105
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Michael
My generation's all about hard work and accomplishment. Like... the moon landing. Or Vietnam. Rolling Stones. Greatest band ever.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18106
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Oscar
You're forty-three. Mick Jagger's like sixty-five.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18107
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Michael
And still rockin', Oscar. One of the greatest all-time oldies was a little Oriental guy named Confucius. He literally invented the ancient Chinese secret. Here's some of his quotes. Confucius say, 'Man who farts in church must sit in his own pew.' Confucius say, 'Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.' Confucius also say, 'Virgin like balloon. One prick, all gone!'
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18108
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Oscar
Did you Google Confucius and just print out the first thing you saw?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18109
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Michael
No, I skipped through all of the boring stuff and went right to his joke page. Which proves that he was old, but he was also hilarious.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18110
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Jan
Michael, please would you not email while we're having lunch?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18111
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Michael
I'm not. It's solitaire. See?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18112
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Michael
BlackBerry. Why would anyone name something like this after a fruit? You wouldn't name an iPod after a fruit. Excuse me while I type on my Banana. I'm gonna go to the Orange store and buy an Apricot computer. Apple.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18113
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Michael
This is going on the outside. The pipe cleaner needs to go through the corner. Do not tape those on.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18114
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Pam
Hey, Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18115
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Michael
Mmhmm.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18116
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Pam
Jan called and asked where you're going to meet for dinner. She wants you to call her.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18117
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Michael
I'm a little busy right now. Could you BlackBerry me a message?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18118
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Pam
Sure.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18119
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Pam
Michael doesn't know how to work his BlackBerry. So when he says BlackBerry me a message, he means write it on a Post-it note and stick it to his BlackBerry.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18120
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Ryan
Okay, everyone, I have a conference call, but after that, I'm going to lead a BlackBerry tutorial for anyone who's having any problems. Who here's set theirs up? Great. Well, I will see the rest of you at 2:30.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18121
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Jim
You didn't set up your BlackBerry, Dwight?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18122
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Dwight
Yes, I did, but I do not intend to use it. It is pointless technology.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18123
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Jim
As opposed to...
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18124
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Dwight
Printing press. Tractor. Mechanical thresher. Telephone. Airplane. The only inventions that matter.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18125
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Jim
What about cars?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18126
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Dwight
They fall under the category of airplanes.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18127
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Jim
They do? So, cars are flightless airplanes.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18128
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Dwight
Correct.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18129
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Jim
Got it. They're like the penguins of the airplane family.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18130
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Dwight
That's an excellent analogy.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Line 18131