Every quote from The Office season 4, episode 2, in script order. First aired October 4, 2007.
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Pam
No...
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18032
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Ryan
What?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18033
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Pam
Um...
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18034
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Ryan
I just... I just wanted to have dinner.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18035
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Pam
I'm uh, I'm dating Jim.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18036
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Ryan
You're kidding?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18037
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Pam
We're together.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18038
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Ryan
That's... great, I... that's awesome.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18039
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Pam
Yeah, great.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18040
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Ryan
So let me um, let me look at these.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18041
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Pam
OK great!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18042
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Ryan
Cool.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18043
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Pam
Great.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18044
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Jim
I guess he can't get any girl he wants.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18045
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Ex-client
Did you forget something? What happened to you guys?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18046
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Michael
Give it back. The gift basket, give it back.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18047
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Ex-client
Oh what is this?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18048
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Dwight
It's real simple. If you don't appreciate what we do, then give us back our basket.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18049
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Ex-client
Maybe you should leave.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18050
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Michael
Yeah, maybe we should, maybe we should leave. Come on, let's leave, but before we leave my wet friend and I are going to wait for our cabs on yours nice couches!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18051
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Dwight
Can you call us a cab please, I'm gonna Oops, sorry!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18052
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Michael
Look, my clothes are so wet!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18053
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Dwight
Nice leather, oh my shoes are so muddy!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18054
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Ex-client
Alright here you go, take it back!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18055
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Michael
It's been opened.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18056
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Ex-client
Yeah it was mine!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18057
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Michael
What's missing... the turtles. Where are the turtles? Where are the turtles?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18058
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Ex-client
Come on guys, get out of here!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18059
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Michael
WHERE ARE THE TURTLES? WHERE ARE THEY?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18060
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Dwight
Excuse me I have an announcement to make. We seem to be missing a box of chocolate turtles with peacons, and we will not be leaving the premises until we obtain them. Hand. Over. The. Turtles. Now!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18061
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Ex-client
I ate them OK, I ate the turtles, they're gone!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18062
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Dwight
We'll bill you.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18063
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Michael
May I have your attention please? This office will not be using any new technology ever, starting now.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18064
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Ryan
That is not correct.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18065
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Michael
Ryan thinks that technology is the answer. Well guess what? I just drove my car into a lake.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18066
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Oscar
You did what?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18067
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Michael
I drove my car into a lake. Why you may ask did I do this? Well, because of a machine. A machine told me to drive into a lake. And I did it! I did it because I trusted Ryan's precious technology, and look where it got me.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18068
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Jim
Into a lake.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18069
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Michael
Exactly!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18070
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Phyllis
Did you get any clients back?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18071
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Michael
Maybe, maybe not, time will tell. But I will tell you one thing. Those gift baskets never endangered anybody's lives. Game set match... point... Scott... game over... end of game.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18072
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Michael
Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18073
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Ryan
I'm not saying I had a meteoric rise... but I did. And if they knew how much I was paying for my haircut now, they wouldn't be giving me a noogie. ... It was two hundred dollars.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18074
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Ryan
You should come visit. The city is... amazing.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18075
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Jim
I know. I love it there.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18076
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Ryan
No. You don't know until you live there. There's something about waking up every morning and just being in that city.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18077
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Jim
Mmhmm, yeah, last time I was there I had a lot of fun.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18078
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Ryan
No. You can't imagine it, though. The energy when you're actually there. You're just part of something bigger than you, that's moving faster than you. Your dreams are... . it just... everything feels so limitless.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18079
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Jim
Sounds great.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18080
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Ryan
No. It... eh... you can't... it's not about how it sounds.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18081
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Jim
Yeee... (grunts in frustration)
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18082
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Michael
Yes. My old friend Ryan Howard is coming back today for some big presentation. Very, very excited. He is my protege. He is someone that I hand-raised, that I nurtured. Um... he is like a prime cut of veal whom I nourished with my milk. And now he is also my boss. So, win/win.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18083
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Oscar
Um...
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18084
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Michael
Oh, Okay. Okay. Just... Well, our old friend Ryan Howard is back, and we're going to give a little presentation about the future of our company. So please listen up. All right.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18085
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Ryan
Have a seat with everybody else.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18086
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Michael
You don't want me to help?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18087
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Ryan
You don't know what I'm going to talk about. Actually, can you do me a favor?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18088
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Michael
Yes?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18089
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Ryan
Can you get me a cold water?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18090
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Pam
I got it.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18091
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Ryan
That's all right, Pam. Michael's got it.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18092
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Michael
Um... yes, I'll be right back!
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18093
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Ryan
Thank you.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18094
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Jim
That was slightly harsh, don't you think?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18095
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Ryan
I spent three years, driving around, getting him yams and magic wands. He can get me water.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18096
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Michael
I think I know what's going on. Ryan believes that there is some sort of special 'boss water' that he gets to drink now. And there isn't. But, um... don't tell him. Don't tell him that. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18097
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Michael
Ryan is causing some problems. And you were always good at handling him. What should I do to control him?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18098
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Kelly
Well, he's super-ticklish, I don't know if that helps.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18099
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Michael
I know, I know, no, what... something else.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18100
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Kelly
Oh, he's also super-insecure about his height.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18101
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Michael
Uh-huh.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18102
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Kelly
And he doesn't care about anybody but himself.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18103
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Michael
Good.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18104
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Kelly
And don't have sex with him, 'cause if you do, the next two years of your life will be a total waste of time.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18105
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Michael
My generation's all about hard work and accomplishment. Like... the moon landing. Or Vietnam. Rolling Stones. Greatest band ever.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18106
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Oscar
You're forty-three. Mick Jagger's like sixty-five.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18107
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Michael
And still rockin', Oscar. One of the greatest all-time oldies was a little Oriental guy named Confucius. He literally invented the ancient Chinese secret. Here's some of his quotes. Confucius say, 'Man who farts in church must sit in his own pew.' Confucius say, 'Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.' Confucius also say, 'Virgin like balloon. One prick, all gone!'
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18108
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Oscar
Did you Google Confucius and just print out the first thing you saw?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18109
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Michael
No, I skipped through all of the boring stuff and went right to his joke page. Which proves that he was old, but he was also hilarious.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18110
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Jan
Michael, please would you not email while we're having lunch?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18111
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Michael
I'm not. It's solitaire. See?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18112
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Michael
BlackBerry. Why would anyone name something like this after a fruit? You wouldn't name an iPod after a fruit. Excuse me while I type on my Banana. I'm gonna go to the Orange store and buy an Apricot computer. Apple.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18113
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Michael
This is going on the outside. The pipe cleaner needs to go through the corner. Do not tape those on.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18114
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Pam
Hey, Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18115
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Michael
Mmhmm.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18116
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Pam
Jan called and asked where you're going to meet for dinner. She wants you to call her.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18117
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Michael
I'm a little busy right now. Could you BlackBerry me a message?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18118
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Pam
Sure.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18119
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Pam
Michael doesn't know how to work his BlackBerry. So when he says BlackBerry me a message, he means write it on a Post-it note and stick it to his BlackBerry.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18120
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Ryan
Okay, everyone, I have a conference call, but after that, I'm going to lead a BlackBerry tutorial for anyone who's having any problems. Who here's set theirs up? Great. Well, I will see the rest of you at 2:30.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18121
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Jim
You didn't set up your BlackBerry, Dwight?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18122
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Dwight
Yes, I did, but I do not intend to use it. It is pointless technology.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18123
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Jim
As opposed to...
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18124
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Dwight
Printing press. Tractor. Mechanical thresher. Telephone. Airplane. The only inventions that matter.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18125
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Jim
What about cars?
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18126
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Dwight
They fall under the category of airplanes.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18127
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Jim
They do? So, cars are flightless airplanes.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18128
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Dwight
Correct.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18129
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Jim
Got it. They're like the penguins of the airplane family.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18130
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Dwight
That's an excellent analogy.
Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18131