Oscar Martinez Quotes from The Office (page 3)

Accountant and the office's resident fact-checker.

1,490 quotes · page 3 of 15

1. No, NO! I don't want to touch you, ever consider that? You're ignorant, and insulting, and small!

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2. Michael... I'm sorry. That was a good idea. Come on, come on.

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3. I was going to quit. But Jan offered me a three month paid vacation and a company car. All I had to do was sign something saying I won't sue. Gill and I are going to Europe. Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay.

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4. What are you doing?!

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5. Yes, I'm gay.

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6. Too soon.

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7. Hey, everyone.

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8. Oh, that's very funny.

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9. Hi, Angela.

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10. The one of all women?

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11. Because I'm gay?

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12. OK, OK, OK, all right, all right. I'll join. I'd love to. That's -- thank you.

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13. I really have no preference. We don't even have to have a party.

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14. Michael --

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15. Why don't you have me riding in on a donkey into the office like Pepe.

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16. Actually, yeah. I didn't think I would, but turns out -- it's great.

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17. It reminds me a lot of the 'Three Amigos' with Steve Martin and Chevy Chase.

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18. You're the one who said we needed more culture.

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19. It's her first try.

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20. Meaning what?

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21. Well, those aren't Pam's strong points.

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22. You know I don't like to participate in the...

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23. Really, it's just that I don't like to participate...

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24. It's just... I'm sorry... It's gossip, and I don't think it's healthy.

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25. Well, I'm not going to get over myself... it's wrong.

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26. That's disgusting.

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27. These wings are all fat and bone.

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28. Angela, Roy's check. He's coming in later to pick it up.

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29. It was crazy.

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30. Well, I heard some shouting. And I look over and Roy's by reception and you could just tell he's gonna punch somebody. Jim says something. Roy stomps over there. All of the sudden, BAM. Roy goes down, and Dwight's standing there like an action hero.

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31. It was insane!

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32. What are you guys talkin' about?

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33. Really, ten? That's your guess? You're a professional accountant.

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34. Forty-two.

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35. That's really not our job.

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36. I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer calls.

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37. Really, Dixon City? ...Carbondale.

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38. Yes.

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39. I expect you to apologize for that, Angela.

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40. Still said it, so...

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41. We do a lot more than that.

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42. I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer phone calls.

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43. Would you, please? Please.

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44. I don't wear a Speedo, Michael.

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45. What?

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46. Come on Phyllis, you can do it. Ahh...

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47. Turkey is a healthy meat.

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48. If either of these guys are put in charge of the office I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. I'm kinda looking for a way out of that relationship anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see.

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49. Hey, Pam I've been meaning to say something to you. I really miss our friendship.

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50. Maybe you should talk to her? Before...

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51. Michael...

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52. I'm sorry, that just doesn't make sense.

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53. You're not sure that you have the job.

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54. Good luck, you guys!

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55. Oh, Michael's not going anywhere.

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56. Do you really think he's qualified for that job?

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57. Mm. Yeah.

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58. So ten

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59. What--- What are you winking for?

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60. Home is where the

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61. I don't know, there is no evidence of intimacy. They've been in remarkably good moods. It could be other things.

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62. So she's really going to be fine?

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63. Subtle.

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64. You pushed Darryl out the window?

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65. Separate cars.

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66. Like what?

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67. Dwight please!

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68. You're doing great Michael, look at you go!

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69. More or less.

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70. There's no proof of that.

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71. It's fair.

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72. I was raised Catholic, but I'm agnostic now, so I guess I'm a secular humanist.

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73. Michael, do you know what secular humanism is?

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74. Oh.

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75. Creed?

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76. Everything OK?

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77. You did what?

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78. Um...

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79. You're forty-three. Mick Jagger's like sixty-five.

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80. Did you Google Confucius and just print out the first thing you saw?

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81. I... like your hair. I don't know if I told you.

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82. I think I'll just take my chances.

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83. It's never gonna happen.

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84. This is why I'm here?

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85. Why aren't you in New York?

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86. Michael, there's a very big difference between these two pizza places. Both in quality of ingredients, and overall taste. Which one did you order from?

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87. It's not pizza.

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88. Stanley, could you look up 'accomplices'?

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89. Because we're looking up jail time.

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90. Thank God.

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91. I was going to be in New York tonight, to go to the Met, but I had to cancel. Because Angela's party is mandatory.

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92. Don't.

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93. You know the octagon sign means stop.

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94. An octagon is a shape. You can see shapes, can't you?

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95. Obviously it's a real word, but I don't know when to use it correctly.

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96. He's not even good at his first one.

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97. Michael, are you having money problems?

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98. You heard me correctly.

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99. Not at all.

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100. Hey, I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen.

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