Kevin Malone Quotes from The Office (page 8)

Accountant, band frontman, chili enthusiast.

1,708 quotes · page 8 of 18

1. Your call is very important to us. Ple-[Andy's phone rings]

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2. Wag.

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3. I thought Rajini Ghanda was a boy's name?

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4. Try it in another sentence.

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5. I guess I could be nicer.

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6. Hi.

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7. At least once a year, I like to bring in some of my Kevin's Famous Chili. The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I'm serious about this stuff. I'm up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. I toast my own Ancho chilies. It's a recipe passed down from Malone's for generations. It's probably the thing I do best.

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8. So, like, a disco cafe?

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9. Yeah.

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10. Yeah. This place is great.

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11. I'm sorry.

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12. Yeah. Respect the lei.

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13. Is there a cookie?

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14. I wanted a cookie.

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15. Hi. Did you have bacon for breakfast?

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16. Oh...cause you smell like bacon.

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17. Tight. I'm going down the hall to this office to see Michael - there's free espressos.

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18. I would invite you but I remember that you just want to be friends.

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19. Are you sure that you didn't eat bacon?

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20. Oh. Whatever it is I like it. Bye.

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21. I love the smell of bacon on a woman.

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22. Hey, Lynn, it's Kevin. I was thinking about going and getting a coffee at the Cafe Disco, wondering if you want to go with. Bye. Angela, my stomach is really hurting.

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23. Michael, isn't that Holly?

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24. I got it.

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25. Set!

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26. Yeah!

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27. It's six to six. It's a nail-biter.

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28. Q.

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29. T.

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30. I might have extra, it just depends on how many I eat.

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31. Yeah... what do you mean exactly?

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32. Reeeeally.

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33. [looks at Andy and giggles]

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34. Tea.

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35. You would.

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36. Oh, I bet you like it.

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37. Do you like it as much as you like mens' butts?

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38. Because you're gay.

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39. I need to do mine first. Who's been saying that there's another person inside of me, working me with controls?

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40. Stay.

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41. I knew it! Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first I thought 'Oh, she has a new bra with padding.' But then I thought 'Pam doesn't need padding.' It just didn't add up, Jim.

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42. Hey, we're gonna do this...

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43. Hey, Pam, I heard that you were registered, but I didn't hear where.

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44. Like money? Like you-- you want my money?

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45. Will you take a check?

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46. Cool. In the memo line, I'm gonna write, 'To love's eternal glory.'

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47. Wait til' Monday.

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48. Jim is only giving raises to the salesmen.

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49. Totally!

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50. Yeah.

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51. Yeah, I don't understand how they can even consider giving money to some people and not the rest of us.

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52. What does a bean mean?

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53. Michael, what does a bean mean?

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54. What does a bean mean?!

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55. What does a bean mean?

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56. Michael!

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57. So... you're going to provide them, then?

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58. What the hell?

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59. Oh yeah.

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60. People don't think of me as one of the sharper dressers in the office... but I'm going ot turn that around at this wedding. I thought, how could I take it to the next level? The hair. It's the hair-- Ok. Ok. I'm going. God.

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61. She thought I was your boyfriend.

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62. Oscar, I would be proud to date you.

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63. I'm not gay. I'm Kevin.

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64. Yes.

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65. Are you seeing anyone right now?

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66. Cool.

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67. She probably switched cards with someone. Like I did with Erin.

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68. Yes!

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69. That sounds epic. Can we bring anything?

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70. It's a good idea.

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71. Yeah. But that's easy enough for you to say, Oscar. You have that thick, beautiful, Chicano hair. So nice.

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72. What else you got?

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73. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine. Pam's here. Pam?

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74. I left a pair of dress shoes in a bag outside my door last night to be cleaned at polished, but they haven't been returned yet.

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75. Thank you.

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76. They were stolen?

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77. What?

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78. But that was my only pair of shoes.

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79. Well... well damn-it.

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80. Okay.

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81. Oscar. Angela.

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82. I'm trying to decide if I have time to pee.

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83. The peeing is fast, Oscar. It's getting my tie back on.

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84. Oh, oh, does it have slots for hot dogs?

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85. Who would want it?

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86. What an awesome party. The best wedding I've ever been too. I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number. This was epic. My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece, but man my dogs are barking. Whoo. My feet were so sweaty I can't even feel the cold. What a lovely hotel.

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87. Jim's gone on his honeymoon. So I started borrowing his office to fart in. Then one day I came in and I just stayed. Cause this place is awesome. It feels like home now. Even better than my home. My home sucks.

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88. Hello.

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89. Oh man, do you think it was stolen?

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90. Um, yes. Um, 383 Linden Ave., Scranton PA

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91. Six-six-five-zero.

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92. Wait a minute. Yes I am.

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93. No. That... I, I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer.

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94. No-

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95. Shoot.

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96. I usually can think quick on my feet, but they were so fast on the phone.

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97. Oh God. I wouldn't last in jail Oscar. I'm not like you.

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98. Oh you don't know about jail? Oh you would love jail.

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99. Because... You would love it.

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100. Hi Pam, is Jim there?

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