Kevin Malone Quotes from The Office (page 6)

Accountant, band frontman, chili enthusiast.

1,708 quotes · page 6 of 18

1. Michael you could put your initials in it.

   Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21440

2. Hey Pam, I really like your glasses.

   Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21582

3. All the girlfriends that I've ever had have worn glasses.

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4. Yeah, it's kind of a turn-on for me actually...

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5. Like librarians.

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6. Could you just say, 'these are due back Thursday'?

   Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21590

7. Michael, if you hadn't told us this, then we would've thought that you were actually firing him.

   Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21649

8. It's Michael versus Stanley, and it is the clash of the titans. In one corner, you have Michael, and he is mad. And then, in the other corner, you have Stanley, and he's mad. So that's about it!

   Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21678

9. What are we talking? Skins? Acey Duecy? Bingo bango bongo? Sandies, Barkies? Arnies, Wolf? What?

   Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21773

10. I'm gonna take this petty cash I got from Oscar, and turn it into next month's rent.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21774

11. Andy, you're up, let's go!

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21782

12. Yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21857

13. Ooh! Winner gets ten bucks! Wait -wait for me! Andy!

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21859

14. Okay, Jim, you owe me one-twenty, and Phil, you owe me two-thirty.

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15. Oooh!

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21909

16. I'm gonna take so much money off that guy. That guy is a whale. I'm gonna clean him out. This is really gonna get me out of a hole.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21975

17. He's not my client.

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Line 21976

18. Hi.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22127

19. I do the numbers.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22129

20. Do you want a M&M?

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22131

21. Yeah. I keep them here at my desk so that everybody doesn't take them.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22133

22. Yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22135

23. Hi.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22212

24. I can't decide what to get.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22214

25. Well I like pretzels, but, I really like chips.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22216

26. Hmm...

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22218

27. I'm totally gonna bang Holly! She is cute, and helpful, and she really seems into me.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22219

28. Woah! Cool! A bouncy house!

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22329

29. Yup. This is my car. Do you drive your own car?

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22367

30. Okay, bye.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22369

31. Yeah, Michael, I'm at Gerrity's. You have to come down here.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22393

32. No, I-I brought my money. Michael, there's something that you need to see.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22395

33. Just hurry.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22397

34. It was great to see you, Jan.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22403

35. Yeah, Michael, I just uh...

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22408

36. I think you kids have a lot to catch up on.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22410

37. Yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22412

38. I'll go to the diner with you.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22490

39. Yeah, we can go eat pie.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22492

40. Me too.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Line 22494

41. Pam, you weigh 226 pounds?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22638

42. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22642

43. Hi Jan.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22737

44. How's the candle game?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22739

45. Cool. Thank God they found her, too.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22741

46. Hey!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22754

47. Thank you, Holly.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22756

48. Wait, back up. Do you think that I am retarded?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22758

49. Oh, my God!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22789

50. What?

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22871

51. Firrrrre-duh guy!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22882

52. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22884

53. You too.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22886

54. Because you're kind of doing Michael Clump.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 22961

55. I got a gift for Pam and Roy. Do I have to get another one?

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23198

56. Oh come on! He's right there. He was hired. Oh check it out, 'Hired Guy.'

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23218

57. It's a trap.

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23386

58. I think we're out.

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23397

59. I think she got it as a tip, but I don't know why she didn't just take cash.

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23400

60. Wait, what?

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23414

61. You knocked the mirror off of my car.

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23415

62. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23417

63. Wait, when you say 'that guy', you mean you?

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23419

64. No, you mean that you did a lot of messed up stuff to you... too?

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23421

65. But are, are you gonna pay for my mirror?

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23423

66. It was like two hundred dollars.

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23425

67. Umm... I think I saw some in the kitchen. Oh! I didn't do that. That was Kevin 1.0, but he hurt a lot of people Ryan, and I can't accept responsibility for what he did.

    Season 5 · Episode 2 · Line 23428

68. But Phyllis, it's not his baby.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23512

69. Michael, the baby's already been born.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23590

70. So we had games planned but the baby ruins all of them.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23592

71. OK... Who wants to guess when the baby will be born?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23594

72. Does that mean there's no toilet paper in the bathroom?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23722

73. Hey Jan, you went to a sperm bank?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23738

74. I donated sperm.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23740

75. Maybe I'm the father.

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23742

76. Next to the IHOP?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23744

77. I might have done it with Jan!

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23748

78. Jan? What's new?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23751

79. Seriously? You're okay with that?

    Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23753

80. Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23842

81. Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23844

82. Hi, I'm Kevin. And I'll do your taxes.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23935

83. Federal and State.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23937

84. Fine.

    Season 5 · Episode 4 · Line 23939

85. Dammit Creed! I've been up since four!

    Season 5 · Episode 5 · Line 24083

86. Well, Hol, this is it.

    Season 5 · Episode 5 · Line 24374

87. [outstretches arms for a hug, Holly reluctantly complies]

    Season 5 · Episode 5 · Line 24376

88. [whispers in Holly's ear, Holly reacts with horrified look]

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89. Yeah, but you have to admit it would be wild.

    Season 5 · Episode 5 · Line 24379

90. Michael, did you tell your mom yet?

    Season 5 · Episode 6 · Line 24517

91. You love your mom.

    Season 5 · Episode 6 · Line 24520

92. T minus...

    Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 24934

93. You did it, man. Day one. Congrats.

    Season 5 · Episode 7 · Line 25230

94. Yes.

    Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25248

95. So Jim, you're gonna live in the same house that you used to pee the bed in?

    Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25307

96. Michael, I got you a hot chocolate. I hope that's okay.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25731

97. Michael's a genius.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25829

98. Hey Michael, what's 394 times 5,912?

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25836

99. Fire girl. Too soon?

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25950

100. Well, Meredith, there was that one time you bought movie tickets and then you got too drunk to go, so you gave them to me. And that was really cool.

     Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25973