Kevin Malone Quotes from The Office (page 5)

Accountant, band frontman, chili enthusiast.

1,708 quotes · page 5 of 18

1. Are you kidding me?

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2. Who's we, you and Jim?

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3. Oh, I bet Jim goes too.

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4. Oh, I bet you ask?

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5. I bet you were.

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6. What

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7. Whoa!

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8. [applauds]

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9. Oh well, if they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. I thought they'd be good together, like PB&J. Pam Beasley and Jim. What a waste. What - A - Waste!

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10. Michael?

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11. You cannot make me run.

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12. It is not a real charity. It's stupid Michael, and I'm not gonna do it.

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13. You didn't run for me...

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14. ...when I thought I had skin cancer.

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15. No.

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16. I just don't want to run. I didn't bring my sneakers or my clothes.

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17. Back off me.

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18. That seems early, even for her.

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19. That'd be DUI.

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20. I'll always remember Meredith's back. That's all I can see from my desk. All that red hair, over a nice strong back. Sometimes I pretend it's Carrot Top, and he's going to turn around and tell a joke.

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21. I knew it!

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22. Fire!

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23. You weren't here for that.

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24. When he started the fire.

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25. Little old man boy.

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26. Bearded man boy.

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27. No way!

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28. Yeah, later dude.

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29. Oh, Jim! How awesome is Ryan now?

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30. What does that mean?

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31. Tuna Tuna Tuna.

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32. And he can get any girl that he wants.

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33. Tuna. Check you later.

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34. Hi, Creed, what's up?

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35. What do you mean?

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36. Wha...

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37. Dude, you gotta believe.

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38. That was so awesome.

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39. Isn't 7 pm a little late for a lunch party?

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40. Maybe you could just change the U into an A.

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41. Wait! Alfredo's Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo?

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42. No, no.

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43. Oscar, talk to him.

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44. Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.

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45. We think it's a straight forward kidnapping.

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46. What's going on?

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47. We're getting hungry out there. We're all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat. We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end.

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48. Good pizza.

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49. Different stuff.

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50. I guess he wanted to get out of here before the cops find out.

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51. I'm a little mad, that I don't get to go to the party in New York. But that's mostly just because we get reimbursed for gas mileage.

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52. Kidnapping is the asportation of a person against the person's will, so Michael asported him. Have you ever been aspor...

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53. In every good hostage movie, during the part where it gets really tense, and you don't know whether the bad guys are going to let the hostages go free, the cops order pizza.

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54. The bar uses an applause meter. That is why it's so important that you all come and applaud only for my band. Scrantonicity 2. NOT Scrantonicity, which I am no longer a part of. Michael, can I count on you?

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55. Dammit.

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56. I know what's right, but I'm not gonna say, because you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night.

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57. I don't know.

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58. I do gamble Michael.

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59. The mob.

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60. [shakes head no]

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61. Yeah, women be shoppin'.

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62. Shh.

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63. True, it's best to hide our money problems from women.

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64. I still do not have your reimbursement check.

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65. Hi.

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66. Mama Bear!

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67. I kind of know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man.

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68. Michael, that was fun.

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69. Damn it!

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70. Damn it!

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71. Yeah, I work hard all day. I like knowing that there's going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break.

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72. Oh, I'll take 'em.

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73. You never call back.

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74. About what?

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75. Are you sure he wants me? Because I have Oscar balance my travel receipts.

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76. Oh, awesome!

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77. I will quit. As God as my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed.

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78. Hurts like hell.

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79. If I had someone to set you up with Michael, then I'd take her for myself.

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80. Nope. Stacy broke up with me.

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81. Not anymore.

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82. It's a bitter situation.

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83. No, thirty.

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84. Yes.

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85. Nice.

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86. Michael, please he--

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87. We need to assemble the five families.

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88. We have to.

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89. The five families are the five companies of Scranton Business Park. The bosses rarely meet. There's Michael Scott, Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin. Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Paul Faust of Disaster Kits Limited. They call him 'Cool Guy Paul.' W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Air. Grade A Bad Ass. And Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Dye. Bill Cress is super old and really mean.

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90. I'm calling the meeting anyway.

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91. I... have... things...

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92. We want our parking spaces back!

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93. W.B. Jones' construction guys park in our parking spaces every morning and some people have to park really far away and walk all the way to the office. And some people sweat too much for comfort and---

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94. After Stacy left, things did not go well for awhile. And, and it was hard to see... It's just nice to win one.

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95. We did it.

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96. We got our spaces back.

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97. Later.

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98. Way to go, man.

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99. Oh God.

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100. Jim, how long? I have to go to the bathroom.

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