Kevin Malone Quotes from The Office (page 13)

Accountant, band frontman, chili enthusiast.

1,708 quotes · page 13 of 18

1. The thing that I like about Elmo is the tickling.

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2. I knew it. I just knew, my whole life, that everyone was wrong about me. My parents, my teachers, my friends, the doctors. Everyone.

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3. Loser. Losers.

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4. I was looking for patterns.

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5. Chicken piccata, side salad.

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6. Yes. Me do.

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7. Me do it now. Go. Stop worry.

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8. Me feel good. Body strong. Sleep big last night.

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9. You keep think that.

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10. Me mechanic not speak English. But he know what me mean when me say 'car no go', and we best friends. So me think: why waste time, say lot word when few word do trick?

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11. Thank.

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12. But save time. More success.

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13. No me fault.

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14. Many small time make big time.

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15. See world.

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16. See world. Oceans. Fish. Jump. China.

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17. Fine, fine. I'll talk normally.

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18. When me President, they see. They see.

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19. Wait, I thought she was a **** and you ******* hated her guts?

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20. Well I'm just quoting you. I would never say that about her. I don't know the woman.

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21. This is where we go

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22. It's a answer.

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23. There are no wrong answers.

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24. Don't! oh, you must think'I'm not. I'm using the fax, this isn't, no wait. I'm not supposed to represent the company. Right? There's usually an Erin here.

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25. So'DARRYL! A GIRL!

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26. Kevin.

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27. No!

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28. Don't talk to me!

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29. For sure.

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30. Here, I'm gonna get in my car. When I start dying, I will honk the horn three times. That means save the dog.

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31. Good old Kevin. He'll do anything. Well guess what? I will not do a good job.

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32. Damn!

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33. OK, I'm not gonna make it. I'm turning back.

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34. Guys! When I was a kid, my sisters used to butter me up and slide me across the linoleum floor of the kitchen. Then really made them laugh.

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35. Yeah we move stuff and it was fun.

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36. Right. My mom-

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37. So I found this grease. And then I remembered that you thought it was a great idea.

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38. I think we're ready to give thi- Jim?

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39. Here...

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40. Oh hey guys.

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41. OK Darryl, listen and then you will understand. The boxes were ruined during our first trial testing so now it's cool cause we found another use for them.

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42. No Jim, tell 'em what a name is.

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43. Senor Loadenstein. Tell 'em why it's called that, Jim.

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44. Egons.

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45. No.

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46. However it's normally done.

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47. Yeah Jim, why's it so far?

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48. Back...

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49. That looks good. Back. Whoa whoa whoa!

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50. No no no!

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51. Yeah, Oscar, you showed me this.

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52. I understand.

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53. I think this thing is broken.

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54. Andy? I think we should acknowledge the man who has led us to such a profitable quarter. To Robert California.

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55. What?

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56. Oh, OK. What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a blonde?

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57. The gorilla from Rise of the Planet of the Apes? Huh? The one who sacrifices his life.

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58. It's been out for ages, man.

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59. Jim, put it on.

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60. Come on, the Three Amigos.

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61. I'm only scared of real things like serial killers and kidnappers. Not things that don't exist like ghosts or mummies.

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62. Yeah'prank

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63. Why on Earth would a museum put a mummy in it?!?

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64. Exactly.

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65. Nooo!

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66. Thank you.

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67. I'm on it.

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68. Good thinking.

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69. Apparently a big client for this company, needs to know the story of how paper gets made.

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70. What does this mean? What does it mean!

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71. Uh, the man tree puts its penis-

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72. Yeah.

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73. Guys come on. I'm right here.

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74. Isn't it supposed to be, 'Drive safely'?

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75. Yes!

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76. Hey, screw you!

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77. We're called Kevin and the Zits.

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78. I have a tambourine.

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79. Nice guys, Robert is going to be a Zit!

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80. We all got to go sometime.

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81. Dude, you're on TV! You're the sportscaster on channel seven.

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82. You do that on TV!

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83. Guys, I've got some instruments right here.

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84. Yeah? Okay, this is awesome.

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85. Maybe we should warm up with some scales?

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86. Whoo!

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87. Mm-hmm.

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88. Are you serious? From Star Trek?

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89. Yeah.

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90. Guys, this means they're Kevin and the Zits now.

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91. Yes!

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92. Not food and stuff.

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93. Oh, if you buy the picnic table then you've got to get the fire pit.

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94. The fire pit is a no-brainer.

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95. Okay.

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96. Well, you know how in the vending machine they have the chocolate chip cookies in the A-1 spot? They do that 'cause they think A-1's the best spot for the best cookie. But the real best spot is D-4. Right? That's where the eyes go. So...

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97. Yeah. But not just the cookies, though. That was just a 'for instance.'

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98. Kay, so another thing about oatmeal cookies. Who even wants them? I mean, I've seen Toby eat one, like, once, but other than that... like, forget it.

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99. Thank you.

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100. I don't know.

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