Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 64)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 64 of 69

1. What's going on? Where's the belsnickel?

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2. What are you doing? Last time I saw you, you were whipping me out of the building.

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3. No. I just missed my wife.[Gives Pam a hug and a kiss]

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4. And I found out that there's a bus at 5:00 a.m.

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5. Ooh, nog it. Let me get some nog. Thanks, Phyllis. Where's Andy?

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6. Oh, hey, man. Oh, you know what? Before I forget again, I talked to the guys about hiring you. They're gonna bring you in for an interview.

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7. Right?

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8. Hey, of course.

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9. Thank you, sir.

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10. Go get 'em.

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11. I think they're going to the conference finals.

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12. Bynum, obvious monster and the three point shooting, don't even-...

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13. I bit my lip at lunch today.

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14. Now I have this big bump in my lip that hurts. I hate it.

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15. Okay, you need to think about it before you come with the...

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16. Whatever. It's not a big deal. You know I always tell my three year old, if this is the worst thing that's gonna happen...You gotta be kidding me! Ok! Pam! That's it, I'm going home!

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17. I am meeting Dr. J today, otherwise known as Julius Irving, famed 76er and my own personal hero. But i have to be careful not to rub it in Pam's face because let's be honest, how would I feel if I was at home stuck with the kids while she was go carting with John Stamos.

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18. You sound tired. Everything ok?

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19. Uhh, a little bit. It's a lot of pressure, you know, but that's what I signed up for right?

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20. Uh, you know what, I gotta hop off because my, uh, taxi is here to take me to the meeting.

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21. Ok

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22. Thanks!

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23. Love you too. Bye.

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24. Oh man, that's fresh squeezed. And, uh are all the snacks complimentary?

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25. Oh no, no, no. That's ok. Um I'm sorry, is this the conference center?

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26. You gotta be kidding me.

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27. Are you kidding me? I can literally scalp tickets to this.

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28. Listen, I don't mean to intimidate you, but I did play a little high school ball.

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29. Alright. Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. It's my wife, can I take this?

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30. Right! Hey, what's up? Everything ok?

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31. It's still happening right now actually, so uh...

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32. Yes, it is very stressful. You sure everything's okay?

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33. Okay, bye. So sorry about that.

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34. I love it.

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35. Okay, I'm Kareem. That makes total sense. I'm Kareem. You're Dr. J. Just sounds weird to say out loud.

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36. And that's all?

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37. No one will believe this back home, but that's okay. Let me show you how it's done.

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38. This is Jim Halpert, leave a message.

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39. Sorry, Stinky, can't do it. Too busy.

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40. Okay. There's no possible way I can get there, so just ask Phyllis. She can be your older sister or something.

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41. Hey, I'm in Philadelphia right now.

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42. Huh. How long would it take me if I drove 300 miles an hour?

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43. No, I hear what you're saying, and we will. The thing is, we gotta lock down this key demographic first. The rest will come, I promise. Just give me a couple weeks, alright?

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44. Weeks. Always weeks. Man, the last time I talked months was like, a million weeks ago.

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45. Thanks Dennis, I appreciate it. Hey! How are you?

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46. What are you doing here?

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47. That's so great!

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48. It's pretty great, right? I mean, we're coming along' Hey, Wade, we gotta just push up Dennis's timeline

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49. Actually, you know what? Give me one second, okay? Make yourselves at home.

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50. Well, I mean, I don't even have the paycheck yet. It is a startup, so' These things go down all the time.

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51. Are you cool to just hang out?

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52. Yeah? You ready?

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53. Let's do it!

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54. Mm-hm

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55. And as you know, I was a paper salesman. Hey, I find it helps if you just picture everybody naked.

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56. Okay, so the consensus was that that was unique. They're going to make you pay for the fish, and' they wanted to know when you can start.

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57. I think I'm a little too busy these days to s--- Oh ,my God. I did send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail.

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58. The Dunder Code! I completely forgot about that prank. That had to be like six or seven years ago. Stayed late every night for a month. Had a lot more free time back then.

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59. [on phone]: Man, I wish I was there to see his face when he gets to the end ...

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60. ...and finds the... fake grail? No grail?

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61. I don't.

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62. Oh, I expected more from young Halpert.

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63. Hey.

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64. Okay. Can we keep it on the early side, though? I got that thing in Scranton later.

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65. Cece's ballet recital is today. I cannot wait. I've been working with her on her move. It's called the Cece Spin and Kiss. Do you want to see it? It's kind of like this. It's pretty cute, right?

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66. Well, take your worst fear and multiply it by infinity.

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67. Yeah. Even you.

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68. Bye, Dwight.

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69. Hi. How are ya? Good to see you.

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70. Hey. I was just about to call you.

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71. I am still in Philly, actually.

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72. It's insane. This huge investor got cold feet, so I'm stuck here trying to keep him on board.

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73. Pam, I couldn't get out. I barely made it out just to make this phone call.

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74. You're gonna do great. And you know what? Mommy's gonna record it. So we'll watch it together. Do you mind doing that, Pam?

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75. Okay. Are you sure you know how to do video on the phone?

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76. Okay, okay, you know, just sometimes you're not the best with the phone.

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77. Bye. Yep. See, you've still got to press 'End,' Pam.

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78. Uh, Wade actually has those on the road, but he's gonna be calling in with those numbers any second. So just hold on one s--

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79. Oh, actually... uh, nope. That is my wife. Again, he'll be calling in any second.

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80. Hey.

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81. We lost Bridgeport Capital. I have no idea what happened. It's like everything I did, he just wouldn't go for it.

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82. I have no idea where we're gonna come up with this money, and we have to work insanely hard over the next few weeks.

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83. Can you figure out how to upload Cece's dance recital? I definitely could use a pick-me-up.

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84. You're not serious, are you? You didn't get any of the recital?

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85. Come on, Pam. Pam, I asked you if you could use the phone, and you swore that you knew how.

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86. Oh, great. So we'll see somebody else's kid with Cece in the background? I mean, it's really not that hard to film a video.

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87. Look, Pam, I don't know what to tell you. I mean, what do I do? It's gone. That moment's just gone. I missed it.

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88. You're not serious, right? I mean, how is that fair? I'm in Philly. These are my days in Philly. You've agreed to this.

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89. Pam, I'm not explaining this to you-- Pam, I'm not going over this again.

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90. I don't know how else to tell you, okay? I'm doing everything I can every week to bring home something...

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91. I'm doing this just for me? Is that what I'm doing? I'm doing it just for me. If that's what you think, then this is a really sad night. But you know what? I got to go. Okay?

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92. We'll talk tomorrow?

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93. Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

    Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56143

94. You could've just called that an alliance too, right?

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95. Things are a little delicate with me and Pam right now. And if my working in Philly is gonna end up doubling the Dwight in her life, that's only gonna make things worse.

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96. I'm talking to him this afternoon, but don't get your hopes up.

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97. Last week, my company in Philly lost a big investor, so we're scrambling to find new funding. Luckily, my partners have a fix ' me asking the boss of the company I'm abandoning to give us a gigantic influx of cash. So' problem solved. Thanks, guys.

    Season 9 · Episode 13 · Line 56207

98. I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone.

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99. I'm just gonna call you back. Thanks.

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100. I'm sure he's just nervous.

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