Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 67)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 67 of 69

1. Fireball!

   Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58535

2. That's pretty good. I feel safe.

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3. Oh, Clark. I'm actually here today. Surprise! So I was wondering if I could maybe have my desk back.

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4. You totally have. You have earned this. But maybe I could be with my wife. Kind of the whole reason that I'm here.

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5. What?

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6. Okay. The annex it is. I'll be sitting at your desk if that's okay with you.

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7. Hey, how am I doing as your desk mate, by the way? You probably miss Clark.

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8. Oh, wow. But, um'Oh, I get that.

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9. I get it.

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10. Yeah. Definitely. Go Phillies, right. You don't watch baseball. I keep forgetting that.

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11. I really felt like I almost lost her, and'and nothing is worth that.

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12. Again.

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13. Not at all. It should be Dwight.

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14. You're gonna want to invest in a lot more liability insurance, but, uh'

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15. Hey, if there is someone out there who loves paper more than Dwight, I definitely don't want to meet that person.

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16. Hey, are you still in charge of office supplies?

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17. I seem to have sticky not emergency where I grab it on the wrong end, and this happens.

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18. If you could help me out, that would be'

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19. Anything would help.

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20. Oh, also, while you're at it, if you did have a salt packet, three tacks and some aspirin, that would be great. Oh, wow. You have that.

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21. Wow, that's'

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22. You come so prepared. Aspirin.

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23. Hey, congratulations on that black belt, man. It's really great.

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24. No. He was maybe thinking of you for it.

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25. I wouldn't be too sure about that. Just saying.

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26. Wow, hey.

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27. What's up?

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28. Okay.

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29. Really?

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30. Yeah, totally you did.

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31. I need you to stay right here while you think about it.

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32. All right? I'm gonna wait.

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33. I'm sure you did not. What was your question?

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34. Well, then, I should figure out things to do while I'm waiting.

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35. Look who's back.

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36. Weeknights are actually tough just because'

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37. That's true, yeah.

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38. Congratulations, buddy.

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39. So.

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40. Let's hear it.

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41. Nope. Can't accept that job. It's not a real job.

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42. I'll tell you what I could accept is assistant to the regional manager. That is a real job and one I'd be proud to take.

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43. Don't get me wrong, I am definitely here for Pam. But this is an awesome added bonus.

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44. Oh, don't look at me cause I think you're making a terrible choice.

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45. You know, Andy, you could just say a really nice goodbye.

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46. No, I just saw I missed their call. Why? What's up?

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47. What kind of offer?

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48. What?

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49. Oh, my god!

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50. Wow, that is' wow.

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51. Yeah, we did. Hey, how long'how long do we think that's gonna take?

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52. Oh, man. Yeah, I can't do it.

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53. This, man. I can't do this to Pam.

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54. I know. And I can't do it.

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55. Sales form for you to sign.

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56. Aw, thanks, man.

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57. No.

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58. Pre-conference room meeting with Dwight went really well.

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59. All depends on the conference room meeting itself. Uh, okay.

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60. Yeah.

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61. I will. I will.

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62. The guys at Athlead are still bugging me about this three month roadshow thing. Meeting athletes on their home turf, building relationships. Yeah, it sounds exciting. But I said no, and that's final. I almost lost Pam over this business. I'm not risking that again.

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63. He welcomes you.

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64. Your agenda-taking pleases him.

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65. Let's not get crazy and ruin our no-nonsense streak, all right? So, for instance, if you're expecting a fax today, please don't yell out, 'Michael J. Fax from Fax to the Future.' Ok? That's nonsense.

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66. Yes, beautiful girl in the front.

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67. That's obviously nonsense. Nonsense. And what percentage of nonsense do we tolerate in this office?

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68. Gotta write that down. Ok, big day today. Airing of the documentary. Who's excited?

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69. I love Star Wars as much as the next guy'

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70. My god, I'm so sorry. Well this might make up for it: I think I have found an enormous source of overlooked PFN.

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71. Potential future nonsense.

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72. I'm gonna need you to look at your hierarchy mobile. You've got a regional manager.

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73. Obviously, the assistant to the regional manager.

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74. But what about the assistant assistant to the regional manager?

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75. Exactly.

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76. Yeah, right. I mean, unless they're willing to pass some tests.

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77. Well, I know this sounds crazy, but how would King Arthur choose the next knight of his round table?

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78. Nothing.

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79. Members of the office, hear ye.

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80. Today we will be testing candidates for the position of assistant to the assistant to the regional manager.

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81. This is not an excuse to blow off work doing carnival-like activities. Sure, every participant will be getting a corndog, but that's for fueling only. No savoring.

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82. He envies you.

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83. Alright.

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84. By 2:00, Dwight will chose himself to be assistant to his own assistant, me.

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85. A good assistant knows what their superior is thinking before they even think it. Meredith, what number am I thinking of right now?

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86. 985,000,000,000,017.00

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87. Okay, Pam. What song is running through my head right now?

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88. Oh, my god! It was the theme song to Boy Meets World.

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89. That's exactly what I was doing. Plop, what animal am I picturing?

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90. Ew, the exact opposite, actually.

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91. Come on.

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92. Whoa. How did you know that I was gonna'

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93. Challenge number two, protocol. Clark?

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94. Do you want a corn dog?

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95. We'll see. You are an assistant who's just gotten a phone message. I am in a meeting with Dwight, Robert Dunder, and his niece. Uh-oh, look who came to join us. The Turkish ambassador to Armenia, Yuri Slovak, who, by the way, is extremely embarrassed about the size of his nose. Go ahead and read that phone message.

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96. Uncanny.

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97. An assistant brings their boss coffee with speed and dexterity. But an assistant to the assistant has a thousand times more to prove, am I right?

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98. Phyllis! Grab both these coffees, double-fist it, and head through this obstacle course.

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99. Yeah. It's real. It's the only way you'll learn. OK, and go ahead. Oh, god, nice! She's through the green, everybody. Here comes yellow, real doozy. Careful!

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59095

100. Look at that form.

     Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 59097