Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 67)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 67 of 69

1. Fireball!

   Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58535

2. That's pretty good. I feel safe.

   Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58537

3. Oh, Clark. I'm actually here today. Surprise! So I was wondering if I could maybe have my desk back.

   Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58563

4. You totally have. You have earned this. But maybe I could be with my wife. Kind of the whole reason that I'm here.

   Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58565

5. What?

   Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58570

6. Okay. The annex it is. I'll be sitting at your desk if that's okay with you.

   Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58572

7. Hey, how am I doing as your desk mate, by the way? You probably miss Clark.

   Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58581

8. Oh, wow. But, um'Oh, I get that.

   Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58583

9. I get it.

   Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58585

10. Yeah. Definitely. Go Phillies, right. You don't watch baseball. I keep forgetting that.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58587

11. I really felt like I almost lost her, and'and nothing is worth that.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58621

12. Again.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58628

13. Not at all. It should be Dwight.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58630

14. You're gonna want to invest in a lot more liability insurance, but, uh'

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58632

15. Hey, if there is someone out there who loves paper more than Dwight, I definitely don't want to meet that person.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58634

16. Hey, are you still in charge of office supplies?

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58646

17. I seem to have sticky not emergency where I grab it on the wrong end, and this happens.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58648

18. If you could help me out, that would be'

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58650

19. Anything would help.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58652

20. Oh, also, while you're at it, if you did have a salt packet, three tacks and some aspirin, that would be great. Oh, wow. You have that.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58654

21. Wow, that's'

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58656

22. You come so prepared. Aspirin.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58658

23. Hey, congratulations on that black belt, man. It's really great.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58660

24. No. He was maybe thinking of you for it.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58662

25. I wouldn't be too sure about that. Just saying.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58664

26. Wow, hey.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58704

27. What's up?

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58706

28. Okay.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58708

29. Really?

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58710

30. Yeah, totally you did.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58712

31. I need you to stay right here while you think about it.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58714

32. All right? I'm gonna wait.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58716

33. I'm sure you did not. What was your question?

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58718

34. Well, then, I should figure out things to do while I'm waiting.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58720

35. Look who's back.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58734

36. Weeknights are actually tough just because'

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58741

37. That's true, yeah.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58743

38. Congratulations, buddy.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58761

39. So.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58769

40. Let's hear it.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58771

41. Nope. Can't accept that job. It's not a real job.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58773

42. I'll tell you what I could accept is assistant to the regional manager. That is a real job and one I'd be proud to take.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58775

43. Don't get me wrong, I am definitely here for Pam. But this is an awesome added bonus.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58777

44. Oh, don't look at me cause I think you're making a terrible choice.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58789

45. You know, Andy, you could just say a really nice goodbye.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58833

46. No, I just saw I missed their call. Why? What's up?

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58863

47. What kind of offer?

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58865

48. What?

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58867

49. Oh, my god!

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58869

50. Wow, that is' wow.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58871

51. Yeah, we did. Hey, how long'how long do we think that's gonna take?

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58873

52. Oh, man. Yeah, I can't do it.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58875

53. This, man. I can't do this to Pam.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58877

54. I know. And I can't do it.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Quote 58879

55. Sales form for you to sign.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58915

56. Aw, thanks, man.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58918

57. No.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58920

58. Pre-conference room meeting with Dwight went really well.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58922

59. All depends on the conference room meeting itself. Uh, okay.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58924

60. Yeah.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58926

61. I will. I will.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58928

62. The guys at Athlead are still bugging me about this three month roadshow thing. Meeting athletes on their home turf, building relationships. Yeah, it sounds exciting. But I said no, and that's final. I almost lost Pam over this business. I'm not risking that again.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58929

63. He welcomes you.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58932

64. Your agenda-taking pleases him.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58934

65. Let's not get crazy and ruin our no-nonsense streak, all right? So, for instance, if you're expecting a fax today, please don't yell out, 'Michael J. Fax from Fax to the Future.' Ok? That's nonsense.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58936

66. Yes, beautiful girl in the front.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58938

67. That's obviously nonsense. Nonsense. And what percentage of nonsense do we tolerate in this office?

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58940

68. Gotta write that down. Ok, big day today. Airing of the documentary. Who's excited?

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58948

69. I love Star Wars as much as the next guy'

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58980

70. My god, I'm so sorry. Well this might make up for it: I think I have found an enormous source of overlooked PFN.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58982

71. Potential future nonsense.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58984

72. I'm gonna need you to look at your hierarchy mobile. You've got a regional manager.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58986

73. Obviously, the assistant to the regional manager.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58988

74. But what about the assistant assistant to the regional manager?

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58990

75. Exactly.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58992

76. Yeah, right. I mean, unless they're willing to pass some tests.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58994

77. Well, I know this sounds crazy, but how would King Arthur choose the next knight of his round table?

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 58996

78. Nothing.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59018

79. Members of the office, hear ye.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59020

80. Today we will be testing candidates for the position of assistant to the assistant to the regional manager.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59025

81. This is not an excuse to blow off work doing carnival-like activities. Sure, every participant will be getting a corndog, but that's for fueling only. No savoring.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59029

82. He envies you.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59031

83. Alright.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59033

84. By 2:00, Dwight will chose himself to be assistant to his own assistant, me.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59034

85. A good assistant knows what their superior is thinking before they even think it. Meredith, what number am I thinking of right now?

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59039

86. 985,000,000,000,017.00

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59041

87. Okay, Pam. What song is running through my head right now?

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59043

88. Oh, my god! It was the theme song to Boy Meets World.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59045

89. That's exactly what I was doing. Plop, what animal am I picturing?

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59047

90. Ew, the exact opposite, actually.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59049

91. Come on.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59051

92. Whoa. How did you know that I was gonna'

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59053

93. Challenge number two, protocol. Clark?

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59055

94. Do you want a corn dog?

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59057

95. We'll see. You are an assistant who's just gotten a phone message. I am in a meeting with Dwight, Robert Dunder, and his niece. Uh-oh, look who came to join us. The Turkish ambassador to Armenia, Yuri Slovak, who, by the way, is extremely embarrassed about the size of his nose. Go ahead and read that phone message.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59059

96. Uncanny.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59062

97. An assistant brings their boss coffee with speed and dexterity. But an assistant to the assistant has a thousand times more to prove, am I right?

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59090

98. Phyllis! Grab both these coffees, double-fist it, and head through this obstacle course.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59093

99. Yeah. It's real. It's the only way you'll learn. OK, and go ahead. Oh, god, nice! She's through the green, everybody. Here comes yellow, real doozy. Careful!

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59095

100. Look at that form.

     Season 9 · Episode 22 · Quote 59097