Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 6)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 6 of 69

1. Michael, I really didn't mean to...

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2. I'm sorry?

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3. Oh, you want me to be you?

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4. Okay.

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5. Oh, are you firing Creed?

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6. We should switch seats in order to...

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7. Alright. Excuse me.I'm really sorry, but I have to let you go. And it's purely budgetary. It's not personal...

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8. Wow.

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9. That's an overreaction.

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10. Is this you? Are you being you, or is this Creed? Are you...

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11. Okay.

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12. Oh, hold that thought. Hold that thought.

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13. Michael Scott here.

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14. Toby? Mm hmm. I really have to take this Creed, so it was really worth...

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15. It wasn't me.

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16. Yeah, I know.

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17. Come on.

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18. That's just a figure of speech, you know? Blow your brains out? Come on. All it really means is that we're friends. Who else is she gonna talk to if I'm gone, right? I mean, if she left, I wouldn't blow my brains out. Of course, I would take that job in Maryland. Because it's double the pay, and soft shell crab just happens to be my favorite food.

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19. What's up, Hef?

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20. That is weird.

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21. Ok, well, you're the one who lost the desk.

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22. Okay, calm down. Where was the last place you saw it?

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23. I think you should retrace your steps.

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24. Colder... warmer... little warmer... there you go, ooh, warmer... warmer... warmer... warmer... warmer ... cold, cold, cold, back up... ooh, ooh, warmer, hot, red hot, hot, very hot.

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25. Hi, Dwight, um, what sort of discounts are we giving on the 20 lb white model.

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26. I know.

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27. Uh, yeah, ream.

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28. Ok, thank you, gotta get back to work.

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29. Right, oh let me just check the pricing list. Hold on one second...

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30. Umm...

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31. You know what, let me give you a call right back. I'm going to uh, find it and then I'll call you back, thanks.

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32. Was that your mom?

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33. Oh, I thought it was your mom.

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34. Assistant to the Sensei, that's pretty cool.

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35. Ok.

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36. Uh, Larissa Halpert.

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37. 117 Mount Bergin St.

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38. You making this up as you go along, aren't you?

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39. Well, at least I don't have cavities.

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40. Thanks.

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41. Hey, Dwight. As Sempai, do you think there is ever going to be a day where humans and robots can peacefully co-exist?

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42. No I'm not.

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43. Oh, that's not advice. What advice sounds like is this: umm, don't ever bring your purple belt to work because someone might steal it.

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44. Ok, say please.

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45. Please?

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46. Good, and it absolutely is a toy. Arigatou.

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47. Ok, Roy?

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48. Ok. Michael? Could you beat up Michael?

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49. Well, Dwight's a purple belt, so...

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50. Uh, how did you know they were black belts?

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51. Sounds tough. When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way, right?

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52. I can't. I just got a manicure.

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53. Just have Dwight punch you.

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54. You know a ton of fourteen year old girls?

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55. Are you ok? Are you sure you are alright?

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56. Ok, he has to be stopped. Please, please, please, please, just ask Michael.

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57. Ok, I'll buy you a bag of chips.

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58. Obviously.

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59. Yes.

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60. Uh, Kitchen.

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61. Ooh, what about, uh, Dwight's dojo?

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62. Um, well, we are all getting excited to see this fight. The Albany branch is working right through lunch to prevent downsizing, but Michael, he decided to extend our lunch by an hour so we could all go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight. Fight... Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, I'm coming, fight...

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63. Wow, that is really interesting.

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64. Your love line- I'm just kidding. I can't see anything.

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65. Oh, ok.

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66. Tied up.

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67. What, what are you going to do? Bring it, Beesley. Bring it. Oh yeah, good move. Not such an ultimate fighter now.

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68. Later, Kev. Have a good weekend.

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69. What about Oscar? Could you beat Oscar?

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70. I don't know. He looks pretty scrappy.

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71. True. Meredith.

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72. Okay. Roy.

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73. Okay. Michael. Could you beat up Michael?

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74. No. They're in the conference room.

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75. So this possible client they're talking about, actually a big deal. It's Lackawanna County. Our whole county. And if we get this, they may not have to downsize our branch. And I could work here for years. And years. Years.

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76. No...

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77. We are doing worst first dates.

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78. Wait, when was this?

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79. I always knew Pam has refused to go to sports games with Roy, but I never knew why. Interesting.

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80. Is this real?

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81. Agent Michael Scarn.

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82. How long is this? Oh, Pam. Good work! Oop, wait, stop. Drawings.

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83. Oh, those are drawings. In case the writing didn't really put a picture in your head. And there he is, in the flesh, Agent Michael Scarn. Now we know what he looks like.

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84. Do we all have our copy of 'Threat Level: Midnight', by Michael Scott?

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85. Alright, let's get this started. I'm gonna be reading the action descriptions, and Phyllis, I would like you to play Catherine Zeta Jones.

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86. Oh yeah-

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87. Why not, Dwight? This is a movie. I mean, this is for all of America to enjoy.

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88. Dwight-

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89. Do you want to play-

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90. The lead role of Agent Michael Scarn?

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91. Inside the FBI, Agent Michael Scarn sits with his feet up on his desk. Catherine Zeta Jones enters.

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92. Michael Scarn takes out a nine-millimeter gun and shoots the-

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93. A man sitting several seats down, who has a gold face, turns to Michael Scarn. Uh... Ooh, Oscar, you wanna play Goldenface?

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94. Well, some of us wanna keep reading, so-

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95. That's actually a good idea. We'll all take a brief intermission. Hey, are you hungry?

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96. Yeah?

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97. I had plans to meet a friend tonight. Which I had to cancel. But this is cool, too. I'm not a complainer.

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98. Wow.

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99. Nice. That's excellent, because bugs love my famous grilled cheese sandwich.

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100. So, I guess I'll see you in ten hours.

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