Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 5)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 5 of 69

1. These are the Closing Ceremonies. Step up. You're on the top one. Congratulations to Michael, because he closed on his condo. So, gold medal.

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2. And for Dwight Schrute, the silver medal.

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3. Um... 'Cause your condo's in America.

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4. Those are the doves.

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5. Oh, Pam? Can I see you in here for a second? It's important, so...

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6. I found Dwight's wallet in the parking lot.

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7. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what the best play is. Do we tear everything up, or do we buy a horse on the Internet? I mean, I don't know what to do. What do you think?

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8. Okay, what?

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9. Okay.

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10. Nothing.

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11. What do you call it? Schruteball?

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12. Did you just come up with that?

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13. That is good. That's it. That's what it is.

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14. Wow.

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15. Oh, Somebody went in. That was a team effort, Pam.

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16. Okay.

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17. Mmm-hmm.

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18. Oh, okay. Oh, do... that's what the tape is for. I didn't know.

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19. Hey, Phyllis, Do you have any games that you play in the office?

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20. Um, like stapler tennis or something like that.

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21. Okay.

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22. Jim Halpert. What? How did you get this number? Stalker.

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23. So we're still on for lunch? You're meeting me here? Okay. Great. Bye.

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24. Okay.

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25. Okay, you know what? I am going to be, uh, setting the agenda here. Okay? Can everybody gather up, please? Important announcement. Very important announcement. I think this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to participate in some really intense, psychologically revealing conversations. So we're going to be playing Desert Island, umm, Who Would You Do?

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26. And, um...

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27. Would You Rather. Would You Rather is our third game.

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28. Okay, so... three books on a desert island? Angela.

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29. Nice. Third book?

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30. Okay. Phyllis.

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31. Nice.

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32. I guess.

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33. Uh, it has to be a book, Dwight.

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34. Nice. Smart.

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35. Okay. Thought people read more books.

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36. DVDs! Five movies. What would you bring to the island? Yes! Meredith?

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37. Wow.

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38. Wow. Bridges of Madison County, Legally Blond, these movies are just... .

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39. Wait, wait, wait. Pam. No. Do you understand? The... the game is Desert Island Movies, not guilty pleasure movies. Desert Island Movies are the movies you're going to watch for the rest of your life! Forever! Unforgivable.

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40. Unforgivable.

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41. Good.

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42. Pam? Get us back into it.

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43. Five movies. Go ahead.

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44. Ooh, definitely in my top five.

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45. What?

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46. Okay that's five.

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47. Pam, play by the rules.

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48. Play by the rules. Dwight. All time favorite movie.

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49. All right. Let's move on. Let's move on to the main event. Who Would You Do?

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50. Um, not neccessari...

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51. Um... okay. Ah, you know what? Maybe I'll... I'll finish explaining the rules. Let's... let me explain it first, and then...

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52. Yeah, so we'll get right... You know what? I'll be right back. Stanley, you're taking over for me, buddy. I'll be right back.

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53. Dwight. Dwight.

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54. Come on Dwight! Use words.

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55. Who goes to business school?

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56. He does?

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57. What?

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58. You know what you should do? You should quit. And then, that would stick it to both of them.

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59. Yeah. You're right.

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60. Alright buddy.

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61. Nothing.

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62. Um... Kevin, hands down. Yeah. He's really got that teddy bear thing going on, and afterwards, we could just watch bowling.

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63. Hey, where are you? Oh good. Yeah. We're just here, we're playing Desert Island. It's when you pick your five favorite DVDs...

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64. Hey.

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65. Good, how are you?

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66. Good to see you, too.

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67. Yeah, I am too.

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68. What answers?

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69. Oh! Right! Right, right, right, come-ah on, on, on. Ladies and gentlemen! Gather around! We have one more participant. Come on, be polite. Be polite. Desert Island. Five movies. Go.

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70. Okay, I think the game's over... People are like leaving. There was a bigger crowd last time. Do you just want to go to lunch?

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71. Yeah?

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72. Sure.

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73. Seventy and clear, that's nice. Where's that?

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74. Oh, the best.

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75. Yeah, we had outside classes all the time and we never did anything.

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76. Actually if I had fewer outside classes, I probably wouldn't be stuck here at a paper company.

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77. Okay, DVDs. Five movies. What would you bring to the island? Toby, go ahead.

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78. Those are like my favorite movies. I didn't really think you could win Desert Island, but I think you just did.

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79. Toby and I used to sit together until Michael moved us because he thought we talked too much.

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80. Yeah.

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81. Kevin, do it.

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82. Groundhog Day.

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83. Okay, guys, guys, guys. That almost sounded like business, and we are trying to focus here today, okay?

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84. And then you go to school for three years.

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85. Wow. And just out of curiosity, how much is it?

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86. A semester?

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87. Wow.

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88. Oh, yeah, it sounds like it.

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89. I'm a three hole punch version of Jim. 'Cause you can have me either way. Plain White Jim, or Three-hole Punch.

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90. Oh, yeah.

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91. Okay, okay...

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92. Nice.

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93. Okay, okay. Um, how 'bout, the ultimate team player?

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94. Dwight is... special. But, I don't believe that his talents are being used in this office. So Pam and I have put his resume on Monster.com, Google, Craig's List. We're really interested most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. Um, preferably Alaska... or India.

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95. Um. He sticks to his guns.

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96. Um... Whoa.Michael Scott here. Yes, I am regional manager of this orifice. Mmm hmm. Dwight Schrute is amazing. Yeah. No, he is actually the single greatest employee of his generation. Mm hmm. You know what? I'm gonna tell you what. You hire Dwight K. Schrute, and if he does not meet, nay, exceed every one of your wildest expectations, well then, you can hold me, Michael Gary Scott, personally and financially responsible. Okay. Okay. Okay-kay-kay-kay-kay. Okay.

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97. Um... it's in Maryland.

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98. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Maybe... maybe I will.

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99. Honestly, I don't think Michael has the slightest clue of who he's gonna fire. I think he keeps hoping that someone's going to volunteer. Uh, or be run over by a bus before the deadline. But in the end, really, what's going to happen is it's gonna be the first person to give him a dirty look in the hall. And therein lies the true essence of his charisma.

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100. Um... yes.

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