Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 5)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 5 of 69

1. These are the Closing Ceremonies. Step up. You're on the top one. Congratulations to Michael, because he closed on his condo. So, gold medal.

   Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 2991

2. And for Dwight Schrute, the silver medal.

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3. Um... 'Cause your condo's in America.

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4. Those are the doves.

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5. Oh, Pam? Can I see you in here for a second? It's important, so...

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6. I found Dwight's wallet in the parking lot.

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7. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what the best play is. Do we tear everything up, or do we buy a horse on the Internet? I mean, I don't know what to do. What do you think?

   Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3005

8. Okay, what?

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9. Okay.

   Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3009

10. Nothing.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3012

11. What do you call it? Schruteball?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3040

12. Did you just come up with that?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3042

13. That is good. That's it. That's what it is.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3044

14. Wow.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3046

15. Oh, Somebody went in. That was a team effort, Pam.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3048

16. Okay.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3083

17. Mmm-hmm.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3085

18. Oh, okay. Oh, do... that's what the tape is for. I didn't know.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3087

19. Hey, Phyllis, Do you have any games that you play in the office?

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3095

20. Um, like stapler tennis or something like that.

    Season 2 · Episode 3 · Quote 3097

21. Okay.

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22. Jim Halpert. What? How did you get this number? Stalker.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3123

23. So we're still on for lunch? You're meeting me here? Okay. Great. Bye.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3125

24. Okay.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3127

25. Okay, you know what? I am going to be, uh, setting the agenda here. Okay? Can everybody gather up, please? Important announcement. Very important announcement. I think this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to participate in some really intense, psychologically revealing conversations. So we're going to be playing Desert Island, umm, Who Would You Do?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3200

26. And, um...

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27. Would You Rather. Would You Rather is our third game.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3204

28. Okay, so... three books on a desert island? Angela.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3206

29. Nice. Third book?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3210

30. Okay. Phyllis.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3212

31. Nice.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3215

32. I guess.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3218

33. Uh, it has to be a book, Dwight.

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34. Nice. Smart.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3222

35. Okay. Thought people read more books.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3226

36. DVDs! Five movies. What would you bring to the island? Yes! Meredith?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3227

37. Wow.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3229

38. Wow. Bridges of Madison County, Legally Blond, these movies are just... .

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3231

39. Wait, wait, wait. Pam. No. Do you understand? The... the game is Desert Island Movies, not guilty pleasure movies. Desert Island Movies are the movies you're going to watch for the rest of your life! Forever! Unforgivable.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3233

40. Unforgivable.

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41. Good.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3237

42. Pam? Get us back into it.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3284

43. Five movies. Go ahead.

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44. Ooh, definitely in my top five.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3288

45. What?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3290

46. Okay that's five.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3292

47. Pam, play by the rules.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3294

48. Play by the rules. Dwight. All time favorite movie.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3296

49. All right. Let's move on. Let's move on to the main event. Who Would You Do?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3302

50. Um, not neccessari...

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51. Um... okay. Ah, you know what? Maybe I'll... I'll finish explaining the rules. Let's... let me explain it first, and then...

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52. Yeah, so we'll get right... You know what? I'll be right back. Stanley, you're taking over for me, buddy. I'll be right back.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3309

53. Dwight. Dwight.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3311

54. Come on Dwight! Use words.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3313

55. Who goes to business school?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3316

56. He does?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3318

57. What?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3325

58. You know what you should do? You should quit. And then, that would stick it to both of them.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3327

59. Yeah. You're right.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3329

60. Alright buddy.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3333

61. Nothing.

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62. Um... Kevin, hands down. Yeah. He's really got that teddy bear thing going on, and afterwards, we could just watch bowling.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3350

63. Hey, where are you? Oh good. Yeah. We're just here, we're playing Desert Island. It's when you pick your five favorite DVDs...

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3377

64. Hey.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3408

65. Good, how are you?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3410

66. Good to see you, too.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3412

67. Yeah, I am too.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3414

68. What answers?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3416

69. Oh! Right! Right, right, right, come-ah on, on, on. Ladies and gentlemen! Gather around! We have one more participant. Come on, be polite. Be polite. Desert Island. Five movies. Go.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3418

70. Okay, I think the game's over... People are like leaving. There was a bigger crowd last time. Do you just want to go to lunch?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3421

71. Yeah?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3423

72. Sure.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3425

73. Seventy and clear, that's nice. Where's that?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3441

74. Oh, the best.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3472

75. Yeah, we had outside classes all the time and we never did anything.

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76. Actually if I had fewer outside classes, I probably wouldn't be stuck here at a paper company.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3476

77. Okay, DVDs. Five movies. What would you bring to the island? Toby, go ahead.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3480

78. Those are like my favorite movies. I didn't really think you could win Desert Island, but I think you just did.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3482

79. Toby and I used to sit together until Michael moved us because he thought we talked too much.

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80. Yeah.

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81. Kevin, do it.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3487

82. Groundhog Day.

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83. Okay, guys, guys, guys. That almost sounded like business, and we are trying to focus here today, okay?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3494

84. And then you go to school for three years.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3496

85. Wow. And just out of curiosity, how much is it?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3498

86. A semester?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3500

87. Wow.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3502

88. Oh, yeah, it sounds like it.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3504

89. I'm a three hole punch version of Jim. 'Cause you can have me either way. Plain White Jim, or Three-hole Punch.

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90. Oh, yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3556

91. Okay, okay...

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3586

92. Nice.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3588

93. Okay, okay. Um, how 'bout, the ultimate team player?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3590

94. Dwight is... special. But, I don't believe that his talents are being used in this office. So Pam and I have put his resume on Monster.com, Google, Craig's List. We're really interested most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. Um, preferably Alaska... or India.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3591

95. Um. He sticks to his guns.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3593

96. Um... Whoa.Michael Scott here. Yes, I am regional manager of this orifice. Mmm hmm. Dwight Schrute is amazing. Yeah. No, he is actually the single greatest employee of his generation. Mm hmm. You know what? I'm gonna tell you what. You hire Dwight K. Schrute, and if he does not meet, nay, exceed every one of your wildest expectations, well then, you can hold me, Michael Gary Scott, personally and financially responsible. Okay. Okay. Okay-kay-kay-kay-kay. Okay.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3636

97. Um... it's in Maryland.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3656

98. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Maybe... maybe I will.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3658

99. Honestly, I don't think Michael has the slightest clue of who he's gonna fire. I think he keeps hoping that someone's going to volunteer. Uh, or be run over by a bus before the deadline. But in the end, really, what's going to happen is it's gonna be the first person to give him a dirty look in the hall. And therein lies the true essence of his charisma.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3676

100. Um... yes.

     Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3678