Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 57)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 57 of 69

1. Oh, Aunt Phyllis.

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2. You know what? I don't think you need to do things on command. That's very weird. I'll just take that. Thank you. I think we should just wrap up the show, kiddos. Right?

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3. I don't know what else we can do here.

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4. It's okay.

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5. All right, all right. Okay.

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6. All right, I know, I know. Let's just get this.

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7. I know, buddy, I know. Cece, you want to come? Want to come out?

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8. Oh bud, I know. Do you have a pacifier or anything?

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9. Cece!

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10. Okay, okay, we gotta go. All right, we're going home, we're going home. We're going home, we're going home. I know, I know, bud.

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11. I know, I know.

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12. I'm gonna grab her, okay.

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13. Hi, all right. I'm just going to go down to the car and I'm going to put her in her seat and I'll be right back up.

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14. No, no, it's okay, I'll be right back.

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15. Thanks guys. All right, here we go. Let's go.

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16. I would love for everyone to just forgive me. But, if that's not happening, I'm not averse to just buying them all off.

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17. Alright guys. You know how we all like the red licorice but it's always buried behind like a ton of black licorice? Bought it all. Now it's like red city in there. So, enjoy it.

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18. Uh, I can't get a handle on it. Am I cheap or rich? I can't...

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19. Alright. Well, enjoy the red licorice, and good riddance, right?

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20. It's not really food, right?

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21. Ok, ok, ok.

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22. 'And shove it up my butt.'

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23. I'm not gonna eat it.

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24. I'm not-

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25. They hate me, Pam.

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26. No, it's bad. Darryl canceled go-karting....

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27. It's a lunch thing.

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28. I feel like a stranger in my own country.

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29. Ok. Well, hey, you're not here. You don't know, Ok? It's intense. They made me eat black licorice.

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30. Oh ho! Look who's back reporting for duty.

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31. Nope. It's over.

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32. Nope. OK.

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33. Ooh, me three.

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34. I just got a text from Robert California that says 'bring your clubs to Florida'.

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35. I hope not. Because I am not going. Two question marks?

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36. 'Robert, Hey!' Exclamation point.

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37. 'Got your text, awesome idea. Let's hit the links next time you're in PA' Dash JH.

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38. Yeah, it's a golf text.

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39. Duh- Wait. I just feel weird. I should just call him.

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40. Robert, great offer. Wish I could hit the links with you in Florida but a father of a newborn really should be helping out his wife any chance he gets.

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41. Ok, sending.

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42. Really did He responded L-O-L.

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43. Now, is it too dark to say that Cici's having an operation?

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44. I think you're right.

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45. Total nightmare.

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46. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're incredibly helpful, you're lucky to have them. I mean with them there, you probably won't even know I'm gone.

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47. You know Dwight, if you didn't want me to go the smart move would be to tell Andy that I actually am essential to the operation. That way I couldn't go.

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48. Hold on, just wanna get it on camera.

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49. Essential.

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50. Alright, I'm gonna pack my trunks.

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51. Well, I got a text from RC inviting me to come down so I think that's gonna make us roomates.

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52. Hey, quick question: Do you shower at night or in the morning? Cause I wanna shower when you're showering. Save some water.

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53. Is that the buzzer from Taboo?

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54. Mosquito.

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55. So, what is this special project?

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56. That sounds awesome.

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57. Dwight, is now a good time to go over what you expect of us?

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58. Bye.

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59. I will.

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60. I am on the two kid sleep schedule so I'm up and at 'em at four fifteen, but no kids, so I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, and then I thought of something. Uh-

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61. Puppet.

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62. Yeah. It's weird being away from them. Never done this before.

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63. Are you sure it's stress? Because I did poison you.

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64. Oh no, I'm serious. I was thinking, 'For this trip I have to do something epic, so what should that be?' and then I thought of it. I'll poison you. What are you gonna do? You gonna steal my newspaper or put a cricket in my cereal or something?

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65. That's a good one. Whoa, Stanley! Did you just come back from burning down a rival nightclub?

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66. Yes.

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67. Loggins and Messina.

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68. Man.

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69. Fantastic. Stanley drives so fast.

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70. I would love to hear the other mottos.

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71. No way.

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72. It was-

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73. You got to stop with the antacids. It's not the antidote.

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74. Okay.

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75. True love's kiss.

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76. Dwight, I didn't poison you. I was kidding.

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77. Wow. Are you that bored?

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78. Is that another motto?

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79. Mmm.

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80. Ah, let's do it. Oh, that's healthy.

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81. I've spent so much of my life telling myself 'Please, don't end up like Stanley,' and now I'm wondering if I even have what it takes.

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82. Oh, I don't know.

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83. All right, what the heck? Let's do it.

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84. Dwight, why don't we just hold off with the human pyramids for a while?

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85. No one's moving!

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86. Wha- no. No, it was not a poisoning.

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87. The one thing Pam made sure I knew, Florida's pretty loose with the death penalty.

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88. Dwight, will you go back to the hospital? You were there for like three hours.

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89. You haven't done any of the research.

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90. Stanley, are you listening to music?

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91. You are bleeding through your shirt.

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92. Catching butterflies.

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93. Theater.

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94. Dragging.

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95. Dragging sticks.

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96. Talla-nasty', very clever.

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97. Cathy? It's been great. Fun, normal. I thought I was gonna be hanging out with stanley on this trip, but he's turned out to be kind of a loose cannon.

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98. How many buttons do you have?

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99. College rules (Cathy throws Jim the bag and Jim kicks Dwight)

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100. Alright, that's gonna do it for me tonight. Have a lovely evening.

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