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Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 56)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 56 of 69

  1. Let me just see that one more time. Yep, you know what? I know who my friends are, now. But I shouldn't have got you involved because the truth is, I don't even really care about this picture, it's a little out of focus. It was probably an accident, right? Like...

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48631

  2. Right. You're right. So maybe it was me who did it...by accident.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48633

  3. I'll figure it out, get to the bottom of it....Merry merry.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48636

  4. You alright, Santa?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48638

  5. Yes.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48640

  6. Two friends who are not sleeping together, can they remain friends? Yes, yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48642

  7. OK.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48644

  8. Alright. I will definitely do that.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48646

  9. You know what? You're sitting, and thinking, and it's probably better if it comes from me anyway.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48648

  10. Yes. They totally do.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48650

  11. Oh man, I was supposed to tell Dwight something......C'mon, Jim. I got nothin'.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48720

  12. Cathy wants to leave our clump?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48734

  13. Sorry it didn't work out. Hope you find what you're looking for.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48741

  14. That's ok.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48743

  15. That'd be great, thank you.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48746

  16. All right, not bad at all. I think we can beat 20 minutes though so let's try again. Get it all out now if you have to.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48768

  17. Okay, done.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48771

  18. All right, here we go! Everybody get read in three, two, good luck, one-

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48774

  19. You can write a book about chairs.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48776

  20. Very nice. Very nice sales pitch for our clients that don't know what paper is.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48780

  21. Stop right there. I love it.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48817

  22. In Philadelphia.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48821

  23. That's a great idea.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48823

  24. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48826

  25. All right, good stuff.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48828

  26. I thought it was a fun idea.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48854

  27. Okay.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48867

  28. There's a table over here.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48870

  29. Shawn Marion.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48889

  30. Wrong, for so many reasons.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48892

  31. Oh my God. Lamar Odom, yes.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48898

  32. All right.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48930

  33. Andy, it's the last day of the quarter. We've already called all our clients, so making that much in a day is going to be tough.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 49022

  34. Andy, we're gonna do our best. But you know what? At the end of the day seven point...whatever percent is pretty good.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 49028

  35. It's always more fun to mess with Dwight with an audience. That was usually Pam so now that she's out I had to find someone else. Turns out that Stanley is quite the comedy fan. But not everything makes him laugh. He has very specific tastes. Through a painstaking process of trial and error, I've found out what he likes. And it's really weird.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49033

  36. I know.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49039

  37. Whoa, looks pretty nice. Got a little bit of a Shining vibe, though.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49052

  38. You know, there's a glare from over here... oh wow, that's magnificent.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49056

  39. I'm sorry, I thought you were making a joke.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49058

  40. I guess I thought you were approaching it with more of a sarcasm than misery. Kind of laughing at your own pain, sad clown thing.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49060

  41. Hey. Wow. Just stopping by. Got another party to go to. A wife and two kids at home party.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49088

  42. DJ Pam Halpert is spinning some serious Radio Disney tonight.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49090

  43. You're looking at the master of leaving parties early. They key is, you have to make a strong impression, so you want to have a picture taken, you want to say some peculiar non sequitur that people remember, you want to note something unique, a talking point, for later. I don't mean to brag, but New Year's Eve, I was home by nine.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49091

  44. Robert, just wanted to grab you one second. This place is amazing, by the way.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49092

  45. I bet I should. That's beautiful, I'm going to email that to you.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49094

  46. All right-

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49096

  47. I must...

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49098

  48. Robert, thank you. Thank you for this. Thank you for all this. This night's been magical.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49154

  49. Really? Why?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49156

  50. Good night.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49176

  51. To both these bears.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49212

  52. To madness.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49288

  53. Hey, um, I think you parked my car in. Is there any way you can move your van?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49292

  54. Are you serious?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49294

  55. And there's my talking point.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49301

  56. To the shame room!

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49344

  57. Hey.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49358

  58. Okay.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49360

  59. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49362

  60. It was pretty uneventful, actually.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49364

  61. Uh, hit and run.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49367

  62. Nope. Not guilty.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49370

  63. We're best friends, actually. We're going wine-tasting next weekend, if you want to come.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49372

  64. Okay.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49374

  65. I did get called in to jury duty. And they released me around noon, so, didn't think it was worth it to come back to work for a half day. And then the next morning Pam was a little overwhelmed with the kids so I took an extra day to help out. And then three other days happened.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49375

  66. Aw man, I would but I can't miss any more work.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49388

  67. Mine was actually a pretty boring case, so-

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49396

  68. Wow, I'm really sorry.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49400

  69. I never considered that my week off would make everyone else's job harder. The least I could do is give them a good story.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49402

  70. So Phyllis, he was here, and then the car came and did- he was like that. Yeah, so it had to be a double backflip, actually.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49403

  71. Oh man, Ernesto's. That was our favorite restaurant too.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49405

  72. Mm-hmm.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49425

  73. Mm-hmm.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49427

  74. Okay, wait, wait.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49429

  75. No. I never said he was on a bicycle. I just said I wasn't listening to you.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49431

  76. ...and Pam was just going crazy, trying to take care of Philip because Cece has been out of control recently, and- look, Andy, it doesn't matter. The truth is, I just feel terrible lying to you.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49445

  77. Okay. I think the best thing to do right now is just come clean and tell everybody the truth.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49447

  78. No.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49449

  79. No.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49451

  80. Are you sure you can keep this under wraps?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49453

  81. Uh-

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49464

  82. The empanada guy!

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49466

  83. Uh, you guys are going to love these. So, empanadas on me. You guys gotta try them.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49474

  84. Because my car broke down.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49482

  85. Well, I think you handled it pretty well.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49488

  86. Okay, listen, all right? Dwight's on to us, he's going to figure it out really soon, so let's just get ahead of it, let's tell the truth.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49490

  87. Uh, excuse me, can I have everyone's attention for a second? First off, I just want to say that I'm really sorry, I didn't know that my absence last week would have been a burden on any of you, because, though I did have jury duty last week, they did dismiss me early on Monday. And I think you're going to find this pretty hilarious. I kind of, uh, well, maybe took the week off.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49507

  88. Funny? No? Nobody laughing?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49509

  89. Pam really needed some help with the kids, so, I promise my intentions were good.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49512

  90. You want a giraffe?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49564

  91. Yes, I am brining my kids in to help me get out of this hole. And you all remember my beautiful wife, Pam.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49565

  92. Whoa, whoa, whoa, game face, baby, game face.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49567

  93. Whoa, no, no. That's overdoing it, I think.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49569

  94. Split the difference?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49571

  95. Okay, let's go.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49573

  96. What?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49577

  97. Wow, what a surprise. That's crazy. You guys get to meet the little heck-raisers.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49580

  98. Did you say something about this one bringing in something for these people?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49587

  99. That was a great idea.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49591

  100. Oh my goodness, let's take a look at these. They're usually amazing, so let's see. Yup, they are. Uncle Andy.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49593