Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 55)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 55 of 69

1. Told you.

   Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47746

2. You okay?

   Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47751

3. Okay, what can I do to make you believe me?

   Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47753

4. Stop shoving me.

   Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47769

5. Really?

   Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47771

6. Si.

   Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47775

7. Okay, Dwight, come on. You can go first.

   Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47780

8. Oh, you know what? This reminds me, Cece needs a new toothbrush.

   Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47783

9. No, I'm not worried. Because this lie isn't for me, it's for Pam. And when she gets her body back and her confidence back... yes, I will tell her the truth. That I had feelings for a co-worker today that I haven't had in years. But in my defense, he was grabbing my crotch fairly aggressively at the time.

   Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47797

10. No.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47799

11. I am not lying.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47802

12. Pam, are you really gonna listen to his stupid homemade test?

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47804

13. Yeah, but I don't smoke.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47811

14. I don't know.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47813

15. Okay, easy. Trust me, I'm around for the long-haul.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47816

16. Okay.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47818

17. Thank you.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Quote 47823

18. Oh okay, she's going into labor. Make way, everybody!

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 47837

19. Okay.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 47851

20. Oh my God!

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 47856

21. Okay guys, here we go! We'll see you!

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 47858

22. How do you feel?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 47860

23. Cool. Thanks.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 47891

24. Visitor center. Gonna grab a map for the memorials, right?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 47923

25. No, of course we're not tourists. We're just people that aren't from here who are taking a tour.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 47925

26. By the way, did we leave all the food on the bus?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48002

27. Yeah, that's what I had for breakfast and I think that's probably why I'm still hungry.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48004

28. Only two hundred dollars?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48010

29. Oh wow. So that's two miles if you incorporate the walk back.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48015

30. Yeah sorry everyone else didn't come. I think they're just tired. With holes in their shoes. And they have dysentery.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48056

31. What are you talking about?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48058

32. Andy ' this whole idea of our situation being just like war? It's just not true. We just work at a paper company. And you're our regional manager. And guess what man? You don't have to prove anything. We like you as regional manager. Andy if you don't believe me take a look at what's on my head. I'm wearing a very pink hat. I've been getting weird looks all day because I'm pretty sure 'DM does GB' means something kinda sexual. But guess who's wearing them? All of us. Just for you man. That's huge.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48060

33. They're terrible.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48062

34. Tuna?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48076

35. And to drink?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48078

36. Oh-ho, I am in.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48080

37. I'm excited, I've actually never been to Gettysburg. Uh, my family was gonna go once, but then my brothers convinced me if was full of dead soldier zombies, so I freaked out and we turned the car around. But I'm older now, I can outrun a zombie.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48081

38. Where do all the cool kids go when they come to this consecrated ground?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48087

39. It's locked.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48093

40. That's weird, if it's not locked, why isn't it opening?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48096

41. Ok, you know what? Andy probably has the number for this guy. I'm gonna find him.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48098

42. We didn't have one scheduled.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Quote 48111

43. Hey guys let's just all admit it. Ok? Dwight's better than us. He had the guts to stop sitting. And he's never, ever going to go back on it right?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48118

44. What are you up to? Oops look out!

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48127

45. Prank!

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48129

46. You know what it's not my best. Because you could just easily bend over and pick it up right?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48131

47. Because you're sitting?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48133

48. Ok.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48135

49. Because you're sitting?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48137

50. You know I have to do this.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48139

51. I think you could just do Andy Bernard.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48142

52. I don't know. He wasn't talking to me. But if I were you I wouldn't hire his wife.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48146

53. Well it's sales. So you have to be able to live in the world of rejection.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48181

54. Well it's not that easy. It's kind of sometimes difficult.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48184

55. No, I don't think we should be trying to make this place seem unpleasant. I think we should let this place just crush her spirit by itself. I mean, it knows what it's doing.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48248

56. Oh, wow. So cute.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48250

57. Very cute.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48260

58. Oh wait, wait, wait! Hold on, hold on. I just need to get through. Just real quick. Real quick, open... uh, okay.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48327

59. Oh. Ow. Ow. Ow. Creed. I was never here, all right?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48329

60. Oh boy.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48331

61. Do I?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48343

62. I know, I do.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48345

63. I really wish I could help. I'm not really sure how I can...

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48347

64. That's the thing. See, I didn't want to get in the middle of this. Still don't. But here's something: I feel that maybe, if we take a step back, this is a simple case of anxiety to work with a spouse.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48349

65. Perfect!

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48353

66. Yes?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48355

67. I don't know what you want me to tell you. To be really honest, my wife works here. And I love it. She literally makes me work harder. She makes me smarter. She makes me remember why I'm here. And between us, she's on maternity leave right now, and I would love to leave this room and see her face. I would love it. I don't know how this helps, but it's just what I'm thinking.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48357

68. Yes. All right. Great.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48359

69. This whole thing is making me very uncomfortable. I'm not getting between the boss and his wife so just ask me about something else. You know Stanley's tie is really the story of the day...

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48402

70. Ok, so that's a disaster. Luckily have a two-part plan. One, run. Two, hide. It's pretty smart, right? Hi, how you doing? I'm Jim Halpert from across the hall. We are redoing our supply closet and I was wondering if I could take a look at yours for some ideas.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48404

71. You absolutely should. He said it was ok, so till you get him, I'll just be in, you know.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Quote 48406

72. I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. ...Might not have been the best idea.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48418

73. She's not your grandmother, is she?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48430

74. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48432

75. It wasn't me.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48457

76. Kathy wants to leave our clump?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48459

77. Ow, What are you doing?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48462

78. Pam never seemed to have a problem with us.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48464

79. What was that?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48466

80. Can't do that.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48469

81. Ah...I'm gonna s-

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48507

82. Dwight really wants my bonus. He's trying to entrap me. Oh god, now I can't drink at this thing....I get really pranky when I drink.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48508

83. Uh, yeah. I just got my replacement credit card...you want the number? Oh it's uh four seven nine three, zero zero three two, three three one three. The security code is nine two seven. OK great. Thank you very much. Bye.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48528

84. So Dwight did take the bait. He used my credit card numbers to send a two hundred dollar bouquet of flowers, to my wife...from me.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48529

85. I wonder, in this office, who has access to a porcupine?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48552

86. Hmm...

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48554

87. Nice try, this is ridiculous.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48560

88. Three times.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48562

89. Andy, you've gotta be kidding me.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48565

90. OK, you know what? Why don't we just call animal control...

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48568

91. Yes, I'm calling from Dunder Mifflin. We have a very rabid porcupine in our office, someone should come pick it up.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48571

92. [on phone]Uh, I don't know, let me ask. Uh, were you quilled?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48573

93. And what's it's name?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48575

94. Oops.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48577

95. Hey guys, sorry to interrupt, I uh, just found this on my desk. Need to talk to somebody about it. Can you believe that?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48612

96. Yes. It is.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48614

97. I know, I mean the way I see it is you can deface any picture of me, any one, pick one. Not my kid though.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48619

98. I don't-

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48621

99. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48624

100. O...K.

     Season 8 · Episode 10 · Quote 48629