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Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 55)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 55 of 69

  1. Told you.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47746

  2. You okay?

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47751

  3. Okay, what can I do to make you believe me?

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47753

  4. Stop shoving me.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47769

  5. Really?

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47771

  6. Si.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47775

  7. Okay, Dwight, come on. You can go first.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47780

  8. Oh, you know what? This reminds me, Cece needs a new toothbrush.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47783

  9. No, I'm not worried. Because this lie isn't for me, it's for Pam. And when she gets her body back and her confidence back... yes, I will tell her the truth. That I had feelings for a co-worker today that I haven't had in years. But in my defense, he was grabbing my crotch fairly aggressively at the time.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47797

  10. No.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47799

  11. I am not lying.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47802

  12. Pam, are you really gonna listen to his stupid homemade test?

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47804

  13. Yeah, but I don't smoke.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47811

  14. I don't know.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47813

  15. Okay, easy. Trust me, I'm around for the long-haul.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47816

  16. Okay.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47818

  17. Thank you.

    Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47823

  18. Oh okay, she's going into labor. Make way, everybody!

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 47837

  19. Okay.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 47851

  20. Oh my God!

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 47856

  21. Okay guys, here we go! We'll see you!

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 47858

  22. How do you feel?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 47860

  23. Cool. Thanks.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 47891

  24. Visitor center. Gonna grab a map for the memorials, right?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 47923

  25. No, of course we're not tourists. We're just people that aren't from here who are taking a tour.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 47925

  26. By the way, did we leave all the food on the bus?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48002

  27. Yeah, that's what I had for breakfast and I think that's probably why I'm still hungry.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48004

  28. Only two hundred dollars?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48010

  29. Oh wow. So that's two miles if you incorporate the walk back.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48015

  30. Yeah sorry everyone else didn't come. I think they're just tired. With holes in their shoes. And they have dysentery.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48056

  31. What are you talking about?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48058

  32. Andy ' this whole idea of our situation being just like war? It's just not true. We just work at a paper company. And you're our regional manager. And guess what man? You don't have to prove anything. We like you as regional manager. Andy if you don't believe me take a look at what's on my head. I'm wearing a very pink hat. I've been getting weird looks all day because I'm pretty sure 'DM does GB' means something kinda sexual. But guess who's wearing them? All of us. Just for you man. That's huge.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48060

  33. They're terrible.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48062

  34. Tuna?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48076

  35. And to drink?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48078

  36. Oh-ho, I am in.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48080

  37. I'm excited, I've actually never been to Gettysburg. Uh, my family was gonna go once, but then my brothers convinced me if was full of dead soldier zombies, so I freaked out and we turned the car around. But I'm older now, I can outrun a zombie.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48081

  38. Where do all the cool kids go when they come to this consecrated ground?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48087

  39. It's locked.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48093

  40. That's weird, if it's not locked, why isn't it opening?

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48096

  41. Ok, you know what? Andy probably has the number for this guy. I'm gonna find him.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48098

  42. We didn't have one scheduled.

    Season 8 · Episode 8 · Line 48111

  43. Hey guys let's just all admit it. Ok? Dwight's better than us. He had the guts to stop sitting. And he's never, ever going to go back on it right?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48118

  44. What are you up to? Oops look out!

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48127

  45. Prank!

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48129

  46. You know what it's not my best. Because you could just easily bend over and pick it up right?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48131

  47. Because you're sitting?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48133

  48. Ok.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48135

  49. Because you're sitting?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48137

  50. You know I have to do this.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48139

  51. I think you could just do Andy Bernard.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48142

  52. I don't know. He wasn't talking to me. But if I were you I wouldn't hire his wife.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48146

  53. Well it's sales. So you have to be able to live in the world of rejection.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48181

  54. Well it's not that easy. It's kind of sometimes difficult.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48184

  55. No, I don't think we should be trying to make this place seem unpleasant. I think we should let this place just crush her spirit by itself. I mean, it knows what it's doing.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48248

  56. Oh, wow. So cute.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48250

  57. Very cute.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48260

  58. Oh wait, wait, wait! Hold on, hold on. I just need to get through. Just real quick. Real quick, open... uh, okay.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48327

  59. Oh. Ow. Ow. Ow. Creed. I was never here, all right?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48329

  60. Oh boy.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48331

  61. Do I?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48343

  62. I know, I do.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48345

  63. I really wish I could help. I'm not really sure how I can...

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48347

  64. That's the thing. See, I didn't want to get in the middle of this. Still don't. But here's something: I feel that maybe, if we take a step back, this is a simple case of anxiety to work with a spouse.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48349

  65. Perfect!

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48353

  66. Yes?

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48355

  67. I don't know what you want me to tell you. To be really honest, my wife works here. And I love it. She literally makes me work harder. She makes me smarter. She makes me remember why I'm here. And between us, she's on maternity leave right now, and I would love to leave this room and see her face. I would love it. I don't know how this helps, but it's just what I'm thinking.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48357

  68. Yes. All right. Great.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48359

  69. This whole thing is making me very uncomfortable. I'm not getting between the boss and his wife so just ask me about something else. You know Stanley's tie is really the story of the day...

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48402

  70. Ok, so that's a disaster. Luckily have a two-part plan. One, run. Two, hide. It's pretty smart, right? Hi, how you doing? I'm Jim Halpert from across the hall. We are redoing our supply closet and I was wondering if I could take a look at yours for some ideas.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48404

  71. You absolutely should. He said it was ok, so till you get him, I'll just be in, you know.

    Season 8 · Episode 9 · Line 48406

  72. I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. ...Might not have been the best idea.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48418

  73. She's not your grandmother, is she?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48430

  74. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48432

  75. It wasn't me.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48457

  76. Kathy wants to leave our clump?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48459

  77. Ow, What are you doing?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48462

  78. Pam never seemed to have a problem with us.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48464

  79. What was that?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48466

  80. Can't do that.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48469

  81. Ah...I'm gonna s-

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48507

  82. Dwight really wants my bonus. He's trying to entrap me. Oh god, now I can't drink at this thing....I get really pranky when I drink.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48508

  83. Uh, yeah. I just got my replacement credit card...you want the number? Oh it's uh four seven nine three, zero zero three two, three three one three. The security code is nine two seven. OK great. Thank you very much. Bye.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48528

  84. So Dwight did take the bait. He used my credit card numbers to send a two hundred dollar bouquet of flowers, to my wife...from me.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48529

  85. I wonder, in this office, who has access to a porcupine?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48552

  86. Hmm...

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48554

  87. Nice try, this is ridiculous.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48560

  88. Three times.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48562

  89. Andy, you've gotta be kidding me.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48565

  90. OK, you know what? Why don't we just call animal control...

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48568

  91. Yes, I'm calling from Dunder Mifflin. We have a very rabid porcupine in our office, someone should come pick it up.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48571

  92. [on phone]Uh, I don't know, let me ask. Uh, were you quilled?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48573

  93. And what's it's name?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48575

  94. Oops.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48577

  95. Hey guys, sorry to interrupt, I uh, just found this on my desk. Need to talk to somebody about it. Can you believe that?

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48612

  96. Yes. It is.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48614

  97. I know, I mean the way I see it is you can deface any picture of me, any one, pick one. Not my kid though.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48619

  98. I don't-

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48621

  99. Yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48624

  100. O...K.

    Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48629