Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 50)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 50 of 69

1. Well, you know you can't actually poison him.

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2. I really think we should join forces on this one.

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3. What do we think, what would drive him crazy.

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4. Here we go.

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5. You've gotta stop with the hot chocolate stuff. I was thinking we can jam his drawers, so they only comes out two inches, then he can see everything in them but he can't get to them.

   Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43454

6. Okay! Well this isn't my best, but call Froggy101, say that we're the tour manager for Justin Bieber, and we're giving away free tickets, we give him a number to call for the tickets, and it's his own number.

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7. He... It's a crime fighting beaver.

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8. Absolutely, I'll e-mail you a hundred.

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9. Yeah I couldn't cut it down.

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10. One thirty-five. Did you like one thirty-five?

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11. Absolutely, now when you get down there, Jo's a little bit, uh, forgetful. So she may have locked the gate, but what you're gonna do is go ahead, hop it, and just head back to the pool.

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12. It is weird! Look at you, perceptive. Now I know why Jo's kept her eye on you!

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13. Whatever you wanna do in your spare time is up to you!

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14. All right, so just pack your bags and, uh, be sure to bring those swimming trunks! Bye now!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43531

15. He's a jerk.

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16. Wait! Why don't we come up with a plan we're all happy about?

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17. Oh, yikes.

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18. How did those get out? I'm sorry.

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19. I was in Jamaica, and I got lost, and it was getting dark this one night and then out of nowhere with a cart and he's selling these. Dwight he's telling me things about myself that there's no way he could have known.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43642

20. Probably, probably. So I buy some, I turn the corner, I feel like an idiot, so I go back to get my money, he was gone.

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21. Correction. I do not want to sell you Professor Copperfield's Miracle Legumes.

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22. I'm really sorry. Pam must have put those out.

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23. They're legumes Dwight, and you're just gonna make fun of me, so why would I... You know what, this ends now.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43700

24. She's amazing. This is very exciting.

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25. That's a guarantee.

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26. Don't think you need the corpse then.

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27. At a gas station.

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28. Oh it was when she was working in New York so it was halfway between both of us.

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29. Totally reasonable.

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30. Cause it's a big deal. I mean.. I knew Pam was gonna say yes but I was still scared.

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31. Yeah... it.s scary.

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32. Not bad right.

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33. Nice.

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34. Oh my God.

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35. It is right. I mean, it's impossible.

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36. They're probably worthless.

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37. Leave the telescope.

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38. Holly, will you marry me?

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39. Congratulations!

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40. Wait, what?

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41. We made that.

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42. Yeah, they don't ever talk about careers that were made because of unplanned pregnancies.

    Season 7 · Episode 19 · Line 43959

43. Alright, wait, little bit of backstory, she loves dogs. She calls them 'da-das'.

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44. And what happens here is-

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45. We were... I think she was just trying to-

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46. Wait, so, you don't go into shock or die or anything?

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47. Listen, you're the one who decided to leave. Come on, he's the new boss, you know we have to do this.

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48. Hey, Deangelo! Wanna meet Cece?

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49. Thank you very much.

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50. We're back in! Right?

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51. Yep, okay...

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44118

52. Okay.

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53. No she doesn't wa- She's not here.

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54. Stay in bed!

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55. Having a great time.

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56. Thanks, yeah.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44183

57. Why don't you just, privately, in your own head, think of it like a meeting.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44189

58. I just don't understand the desire to push sweet potato fries on me, and not just regular fries.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44204

59. Who's gonna see us?

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60. Get in the car?

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61. I think I'm gonna go.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44216

62. I think you got this. Kay? Alright. Feel better!

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44218

63. I'm sorry, that just wasn't interesting to me.

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64. [shaking head at the camera]

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44245

65. Nope, go back to the script.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44269

66. Wow! I do not parent for the award but I gotta tell you It feels pretty good. Uh, Cece, if you're watching this at home it's way past your bedtime, by the way how'd this get televised?

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44271

67. I don't know maybe being a good dad is just all in your own compass. I don't know, I don't know. Thank you!

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68. Didn't I?

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69. I gotta go do this.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44280

70. I don't know that we need to dissect it all now, but-

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44317

71. That did. Pretty huge laugh.

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72. And impressions!

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73. You gotta play along man.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44367

74. So you guys are filming people when they go to the bathroom now?

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44412

75. Hey! It's almost your last day, come sit with us.

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44507

76. You sure?

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44509

77. Did you break the shredder Kevin?

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44517

78. Ahh, what happened to you?

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44636

79. Uhh, she's still pricing the whatevers. The shredders.

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80. Hey, can I talk to you for a second?

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81. So I've been meaning to tell ya, I wanna take you out for lunch. For your last day.

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82. What do you think? Tomorrow? Lunch, you and me?

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44671

83. You're not leaving tomorrow. You're leaving today right?

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44673

84. Wow, so that's it huh? Just, four o'clock and you are gone for good.

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44675

85. Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes... goodbyes are a bitch.

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44677

86. You know what I think we should do? I think we should just save the goodbyes for tomorrow. At lunch.

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87. And then tomorrow, I can tell you... what a great boss, you turned out to be. The best boss I ever had.

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44681

88. Alright.

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44683

89. Listen Michael, I really... I did text Pam, but...

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44685

90. I will see you, tomorrow at lunch.

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44687

91. You got it.

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92. Hey!

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93. No he doesn't. You just get so nervous and hyper around him.

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94. Every time there's a silence, your brain's like 'Heh-heh-huh-huh'.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44731

95. Careful. There is no inner circle.

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96. There is no inner circle. Deangelo just prefers to delegate a few things, to a few guys.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44735

97. That's Toys R Us, I think.

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98. Uh oh, this former administrative assistant misspelled 'administrative' and 'assistant.'

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44791

99. Seriously?

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100. What could he possibly stand to gain from a fake juggling routine?

     Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44814