Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 47)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 47 of 69

1. Hey, crazy, um...so...that's it? You're just-you're fine?

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2. I don't know. Oh! That's... not... yours.

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3. Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug, and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won't notice?

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4. Stop.

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5. Sounds like someone's really trying to convince us that he's not the Scranton Strangler.

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6. I am Popeye!

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7. I've never really been a costume guy. Even when I was a kid, it just felt like something I was too old for. And then this morning, when Pam hands me this little number ...no.

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8. So four years ago, when I was in Stamford, Connecticut, and dating someone else, Pam went on two dates with Danny. Which was obviously the greatest love story ever told, given how much people are walking on eggshells around us.

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9. That's right.

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10. Yikes.

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11. Oh, no.

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12. No. No, I'm not gonna-no.

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13. I don't care.

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14. Madge from the warehouse just made her first sale. Madge. We should have been doing this a long time ago.

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15. That is crazy. We would never care if Andy or Kevin went to your party.

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16. It's not like you guys had some long relationship right? Big painful breakup I don't know about?

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17. Oooh! You can't handle the truth!

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18. We have one question to ask the spirit world and you want us to ask that?

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19. Hey.

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20. When you work hard, you play hard around here. Even if you don't work hard. Oh, here's something. Uh, why didn't you ever call Pam back?

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21. Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying that everyone has to fall in love, or anything, I'm just saying... but you know, to not even call her back is...

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22. Could be. But you also called her the second time so you had the number right.

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23. Nope.

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24. Just tell her the real reason.

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25. Hey. She had a nice time. It seems rude.

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26. Hey, man.

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27. To be honest, I still can't believe he didn't call her back. Who doesn't call a dork like that back?

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28. Spinach in a can. Power eat spinach.

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29. Stop.

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30. Elaborate.

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31. So by that rationale, if I had to sneeze, I should just sneeze on you.

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32. You're welcome.

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33. Big day.

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34. Nope.

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35. It is really funny, but you know that can be confusing at a christening because you are not the godfather.

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36. Ok, your turn.

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37. Right now?

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38. Okay. All right, come on. Where are we going? Where are we going? We're gonna take a little field trip.

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39. Okay. Okay. There's my girl. All right. Hold on one second. There we go. What's that face for? Oh, my-oh, my God. Cece, no. No, no, no, not on the dress! Cece, stop!

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40. What?

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41. Yes.

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42. This is happening.

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43. No. There's no extra outfit in the bag.

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44. I did... say that.

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45. Mm. No. Wrong on both counts.

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46. Okay, 'A,' Halbert. And, 'B,' I think a more appropriate statement would be, 'The 'Halberts' are hosting an intimate reception for their invited guests.'

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47. Hey.

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48. Oh, well, Dave is an adorable baby.

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49. Yeah.

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50. Huh, you think she is jealous about having a baby?

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51. Okay, well, you know what? Everybody's hungry. Sorry. I think I'm just hungry.

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52. Scones.

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53. I think that was sconesy cider, noted baptism reception critic.

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54. All right. And cider.

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55. Oh, hey, Mee-Maw, would you watch Cece for a second? Don't worry. She's asleep. I'm just gonna track down some more chairs.

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56. Uh, MeeMaw, where's Cece?

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57. Okay.

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58. Hey, guys, has anybody seen the baby?

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59. I don't know, dad. I don't know.

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60. I don't know. Hey, have you seen my baby?

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61. A small blonde woman?

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62. Uh, everyone? Everyone, can I just have your attention? Has anyone seen a small-Stop that tiny blonde woman! She stole my baby!

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63. Hi.

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64. Hi. All right. Travel safe, Angela.

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65. What's that? Oh, yeah, back then I did. Just now. So, don't, because I've got my eye on you.

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66. Yeah. Yeah, a little bit. I did.

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67. Some events are so news worthy, so historic, that you have to stop everything to watch. Balloon Boy, Michael Jackson's funeral. Things that if you didn't see them live, you wouldn't really care that you didn't see them at all.

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68. Okay?

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69. You play?

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70. You can't even do that.

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71. [changes channel during commercial, sports scores appear on screen.]

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72. Oh, it was commercial break so I just wanted to check the scores.

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73. Okay...

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74. Hey.

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75. I don't know about, love...

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76. Well I think enemy's a strong word. 'Cause I think we have a really charming back and forth. And-

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77. I don't think that's gonna...

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78. What kind of pizza would you like?

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79. That's not gonna make your pizza eating experience any better. Trust me.

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80. Okay...

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81. You need to stop talking.

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82. Okay...

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83. I'm going home, and I'm taking my baby with me.

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84. I'm not gonna-

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85. Uh, it's saying the server went down? Does Anybody know that password? 'Cause otherwise we can't do any work.

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86. Nope.

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87. No.

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88. Okay, I'm not doing every number.

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89. Why don't we just call the I.T. Guy who set it up? What's the name of the guy in Glasses, again?

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90. I'm trying everything.

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91. That's-- the password. We're in.

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92. All right, Thank you, I will--I will send the contracts over right away. All Right. Whoo!

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93. I am on the first hot sale streak of my life. I think it all comes from feeding Cece, because no matter how much she resists, I sell her those carrots. Let's be honest--if I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob... I can pretty much sell anything.

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94. Mm-Kay, Well, it can't be zero, Kev.

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95. What are you talking about? We--we have a commission cap?

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96. A commission cap takes away my incentive to sell. So you realize I now have no reason to work, right?

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97. Nope.

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98. Okay.

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99. Well, since I have no incentive to sell, I've cleaned my car, organized my desk, and taken a multivitamin. So... what now?

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100. Pam. Okay, now I've tried everything.

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