Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 42)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 42 of 69

1. Why would I wanna do that?

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2. For now, I'm just gonna go back to work here...

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3. Yeah. Thank you.

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4. Hey.

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5. Well, the grass is always greener.

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6. Well, it's what you wanted.

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7. For the record, I fought this. Alright? And now, I'm not really sure what we do.

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8. Hey, what was that movie where their boss was within earshot and they could've just gone and talked to her.

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9. That's it. I think we should do it the Lethal Weapon way.

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10. Michael's saying he's better at being manager, and I agree, cause he's a better people person, weirdly.

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11. Alright.

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12. Yep.

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13. Hey, did I tell you we were going to have a baby? Oh, thank you very much. I'm excited. Oh, definitely.

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14. Yeah, we're slow-playing it because of our stupid HMO.

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15. Not to mention the extra night's sleep in the hospital will be very nice because once we bring the baby home, if it's crying all night, one of us is going to have to take care of it. And I do not plan on helping unless it's a boy.

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16. Michael.

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17. Michael, you shouldn't have done that.

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18. Hmm, that logic's air-tight, but unfortunately it wasn't conceived here. Burning man, port-o-potty.

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19. Because the insurance company only covers two nights.

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20. That's seven minutes. Here we go. This is happening. Come on.

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21. Are you serious? Pam.

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22. I... Pam, please.

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23. Okay, but we are leaving at five minutes apart.

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24. So, the plan was seven minutes. But we're calling an audible, because that's her call. Because she's the quarterback. I'm just the left tackle who happened to get her pregnant.

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25. Okay, crazy. I think I have some better things to do with my day than worry about you, like sell printers.

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26. Well not until Friday 20% off toner cartridges, that's a big deal. While we're on the subject, why don't I just run you down to the hospital and we'll just do a quick check?

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27. You know, it's getting real crowded in here. Maybe you guys should all go back to work because the day's not out yet.

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28. Okay, I feel like this noise is going to prevent Pam from being able to listen to her body's signals.

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29. Oh! Oh, alright. That's a good one.

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30. Okay, you know what? I'm going to go give, uh, doctor Asmani a quick call. He'd probably know...

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31. Alright.

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32. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Come on, let's go to the hospital. Pam, let's go to the hospital right now.

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33. Mm-hmm. Okay, great. Well, sorry.

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34. Great. I will do that. Sorry, Pam, I just feel a little bit frazzled. And you know how very rarely I use that word. Frazzled.

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35. No, I don't.

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36. Oh, and by the way, hate that you're helping her with this right now. Totally.

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37. I know Pam better than anyone in this office, and obviously she's gone crazy, but everybody wants to say that I'm crazy. But I'm not crazy, she's crazy. I'm not crazy, she's crazy. Five to seven minutes. Five to seven minutes. Six minutes. Different, but not really. Five to seven minutes.

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38. Hey.

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39. Ah, you know me too well.

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40. Yeah? ... Oh.

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41. Did you say 'she?'

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42. Mad? How could I be mad? We're having a little girl.

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43. Wow, we're having a little girl. Oh, man.

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44. Woo, alright. Well, I definitely feel better.

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45. Yeah.

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46. Alright... Hey, did you change?

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47. Oh. Oh...

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48. Alright. Time to go. Okay.

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49. Let's give it a shot.

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50. Hey, come on. Let's go to the hospital.

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51. Pam, Pam, it's time. Let's go to the hospital.

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52. Come on, Michael says we should go now.

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53. Pam.

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54. You know what? Let's go. We got to go to the hospital.

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55. Hey, are you kidding me?

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56. If anyone can do this, you can do this.

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57. Pam, I'm scared. I'm real scared.

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58. The best news is, we're going to have a baby today.

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59. A really awesome baby.

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60. So let's have it at the hospital.

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61. How are we doing on contractions?

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62. Two minutes...

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63. Michael, I told you.

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64. No, I told you to warn me at five minutes.

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65. We waited too long! Two minutes doesn't do us any good. Well, what happened to four and three minutes?

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66. Alright, we're driving ourselves, actually.

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67. Alright, I have my wallet.

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68. Go bag's in the car... Keys, my keys, where's my keys?

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69. Okay, I can't find my keys! I cannot find my keys! Found 'em. They're here.

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70. Okay, Michael! Focus!

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71. Alright, here we go! You're doing great! She'll be here soon.

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72. Michael, come on!

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73. Okay.

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74. Okay. I know, I know. But my iPod is in the go bag. We'll be fine.

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75. Okay, so what do you want to do?

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76. Pam, no! Are you nuts? We're going to the hospital now.

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77. Wait, you alright?

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78. Michael, just go park the car.

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79. Pam's doing great. Uh, she's ten inches dilated now. Uh, sorry, meters. Centimeters. And she's also fully faced. Which I don't know what that is, uh, but no baby yet. It's only been six, uh, nineteen hours, and uh, I just went out for some ice chips because I might have passed out a little bit, but these are very refreshing, very good.

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80. Okay.

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81. Doing great, push again.

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82. No, don't push. Pull. Pull.

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83. Oh, my God! Look at her! baby, she's so beautiful! Oh, my God.

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84. No, let's let her rest. I'm sure there's still twelve on each.

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85. Her name is Cecelia Marie Halpert.

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86. She's seven pounds, two ounces, eighteen inches. Mother and daughter are doing great.

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87. Hey, grandma's back.

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88. Great.

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89. Oh. Let me get it.

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90. I am a diapering master. I have done little else in the past two months. There is nothing I cannot diaper. Go ahead. Try to think of something. I dare you.

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91. Ready?

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92. It's so weird, she was saying it just before you got here.

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93. We were just kids. What did we know?

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94. Great.

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95. I think we'll be okay.

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96. Ready? One, two, three...

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97. I can't. She's too strong. She's, careful, though. You don't want to break it.

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98. I got it. Alright.

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99. Nurse!

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100. How you doing?

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