Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 39)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 39 of 69

1. Yes.

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2. Nothing... nothing at all... it's all good!

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3. Barely, I... I don't have all the facts. Frank and Bean...

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4. Hey...

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5. Yep...

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6. Dwight, you brought the mallard back.

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7. Hi buddy.

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8. A wooden duck?

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9. Okay, just to be clear, you're terrible at this and you are not equipped for espionage...

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10. Silence.

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11. I won't. But, you will wash and buff our car.

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12. Hey Pam, can I see you for a second? So, Dwight heard you were having a really rough day. So he generously offered to wash our car.

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13. Yes, he did. You know what was nice, nights swimming in Bayou bay.

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14. Remember that older couple whose kids were also named Jim and Pam?

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15. Well, we went on a Segway tour and we're awesome at it and Frank and Beans!

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16. Yeah... maybe.

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17. You're not, nope. Nope.

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18. We are doing a haunted house this Halloween. Which is actually kinda spooky because, as legend has it, on this very site there used to be a productive paper company.

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19. Yes. I am the popular social networking site known as Book Face.

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20. Wow.

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21. I bet we would.

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22. Cool.

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23. Mmm-hmm.

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24. Who doesn't?

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25. Oh. Actually, it's just gonna be me.

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26. That is a mistake.

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27. Alright. Let's clear this up. Well, there's actually been a few changes in the company and Michael and I are actually at the same level. So, I can- no. Nope. Why would that be a problem?

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28. Great. See ya' then.

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29. They said that they would feel more comfortable if you came along.

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30. I absolutely don't understand, either.

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31. Alright.

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32. Sure. Michael's a good teacher. A teacher is someone who stands right next to you your whole life and never lets you do anything. That's what a teacher is, right?

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33. Dave.

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34. Dave.

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35. Yeah. I've spoken to them on the phone.

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36. Yes, it is.

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37. No thanks.

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38. Mmm-hmm.

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39. ...and paper.

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40. Nope. No.

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41. He's trying to micro-co-manage me... or co-micro... manage... me.

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42. I outran it.

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43. I'll just leave that suit in your office then.

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44. Mmm... it's like Michael said. It was some- something else.

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45. Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in. It was... how long it took him to get out.

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46. Ok. Great meeting, everybody. That's it.

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47. I think you just gotta ride this one out, man.

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48. No, they don't.

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49. Maybe if you make fun of yourself it'll all go away.

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50. Really? Do it. I am a big, stupid goofball.

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51. See?

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52. Mm... I'm, know what? Maybe we should go easy on Michael, guys. You know, you watch that tape and you're gonna have to stay late for more sensitity training, so...

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53. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ok. Yeah. We're not watchin' this.

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54. What happened to 'Do Not Mock'?

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55. That will inevitably lead to mocking. So...

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56. Guys. Michael can't handle this and as your boss I'm saying we're not watching it.

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57. What are you doing?

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58. No.

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59. See what?

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60. Oscar, yes. You're right to stop it. Thank you. Eject it.

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61. Oh... man. I thinke when I started to see you go in I think I just froze.

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62. It's a killer new dance move. Do you wanna talk in your office?

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63. I didn't ask you. Would you like to talk?

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64. I should've grabbed you. I'm sorry. Look, I thought I could've done today's sales call alone. I mean, I may never be as good a salesman as you are, but I at least need the chance to do the job.

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65. He's alright.

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66. Thanks Michael.

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67. Oh man, that's crazy. Right as we were on our way out too.

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68. Rarely. If ever. Let me give it a whirl. I'll talk to them.

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69. That's okay.

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70. It's my pleasure. Hello? Well that's great. Turns out the paper was there all along.

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71. Pam's sales are fine actually.

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72. Wow.

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73. Oh, burn. Burn on you... and a little bit on me, too.

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74. Definitely Grandma.

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75. Penny for your thoughts.

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76. Wow.

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77. Shel Silverstein.

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78. You set the bar so high.

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79. Okay, so--

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80. Stop.

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81. Hey.

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82. Inappropriate.

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83. All the time.

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84. Yeah.

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85. She wants it bad Michael.

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86. I can.

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87. And I don't support her choice to hit you.

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88. But at the same time she looks crazy and I do understand her reasoning.

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89. I just need some time.

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90. I just need some time. Just give me some time to make a decision.

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91. No more than a week. Maybe two weeks.

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92. Feel better?

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93. Once a year Dwight holds a seminar updating us on the newest developments in the world of karate... because as we all know, the one thing thousand year martial arts do all the time is change.

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94. OK, so there's no defense for that, good to know.

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95. OK, with all due respect to everyone here, I think the most worthy opponent of you is you.

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96. So let's just say that Dwight has come at you with the throat punch. Now how would you, Dwight, defend against it?

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97. And what if he comes at you with the other hand, because he does have two.

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98. Oh my God, he's making you look like such a fool.

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99. You two are so evenly matched I don't know how one of you is going to get the upper hand.

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100. Are you serious?

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