Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 37)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 37 of 69

1. Okay. And how do you feel?

   Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31406

2. All right. Did he hit you?

   Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31408

3. Did you cry?

   Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31410

4. Did you feel like crying?

   Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31412

5. I'm just gonna write 'held back tears.'

   Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31414

6. If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it.

   Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31416

7. Michael...

   Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31421

8. Can I talk to you in my office for a second?

   Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31423

9. I have noticed that we--

   Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31427

10. Thank you. I've noticed we've been having a lot of conference room meetings.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31429

11. And I'm wondEring if perhaps those are a bit, um--

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31431

12. Yes.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31433

13. Okay, maybe we should talk specifics.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31435

14. Okay. Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31437

15. I am.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31439

16. Right.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31441

17. Yes, I agree.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31443

18. I just think that maybe they're eating large amounts of the day.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31445

19. You mean on a weekend?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31447

20. How about this? I think our goal should be we don't have meetings unless they're absolutely essential.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31449

21. Really? You just agreed to that?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31451

22. Okay, I thought I saw people missing.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31465

23. Really? Hey, Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said before I came through the door?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31467

24. Stanley?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31469

25. Okay, Michael, I thought we agreed to not take up people's time with meetings like these.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31471

26. Michael, this is a conference room meeting.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31473

27. That's not what I meant.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31475

28. I disagree.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31477

29. Great. Guys, can I just have a moment alone with Michael?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31479

30. That is not what I said, and, also, I am co-manager, meaning you are not the only manager anymore. I am also I co-manager.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31481

31. That's exactly what Wallace told us.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31483

32. I'm not bossing you around. I'm trying to do my job, which is sharing your job, so maybe we should just call David Wallace.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31487

33. Hey, David. You got Jim here.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31491

34. Which will clearly affect the day-to-day well-being of our employees.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31495

35. David, I know that I'm very new at this, but I have a very good perspective on how things work.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31499

36. Nope, not at all.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31503

37. Alright, thanks alot, David.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31506

38. You don't have to lie.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31508

39. Right.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31510

40. Alright. Let's get started.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31512

41. Do you mean, like break-in in the middle of the night and change the numbers on payroll?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31516

42. Okay. You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31518

43. It's hard to tell so far.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31520

44. I'm sorry, are you advocating that I use it less?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31522

45. You just came up with that.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31524

46. Yeah. Okay, so for the 1.5% increase, pro-- everyone gets a little bit.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31526

47. Con-- no one gets as much as they did last year.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31528

48. Pro-- no favoritism.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31530

49. I've been studying Michael for years, and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart-- How Michael spends his time. As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others, and this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. I made it bigger, so that you could see it.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31532

50. You know, the more I think about it, the more I think we should give it to the salesmen.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31543

51. I know. I just think it seems smart to keep the salesmen happy right now. 'Course I know that this might come off as biased, so you know what? Let us...

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31545

52. I'm not gonna let you stop me from thinking.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31547

53. Michael.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31549

54. Look, you have a lot of strengths.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31551

55. I think that you are able to take constructive criticism very well.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31553

56. But there is a reason why I'm here!

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31555

57. No, it's because you also have a lot of weaknesses, Michael!

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31557

58. I don't think you're good at making tough decisions!

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31559

59. At thinking out the options, and then stating that decision very clearly, especially when it's an unpopular decision.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31561

60. But maybe I'm here for a reason, because I might have some good ideas, too. I've been sitting out there, and I've been learning a lot, and maybe I can just bring something different to the table.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31563

61. [leave the conference room to address everyone]

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31565

62. Could I have everyone's attention, please? I have some tough news, so I'm just gonna give it to you straight. Truth is, we only have so much money for raises this year, so the simple fact is some people will get raises, and some people won't. Now, what we've decided is, we are gonna give those raises to the sales staff.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31567

63. Look, you guys are smart, so I'm just leveling with you. I'm just trying to treat you like adults.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31569

64. Ooh, easy. That's not it at all.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31573

65. Really what it is, is about the money the sales staff brings into the office.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31575

66. Okay, Dwight, you know what? You'd be getting the raise so--

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31582

67. Wow! I'm just gonna rewind and back off a bit, so...

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31593

68. Thank you, Meredith.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31600

69. Rank each person individually?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31607

70. Well, obviously. Too bad he's a temp and doesn't count, so let's get started.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31609

71. Nope. I'm numbering the paper.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31611

72. It's going really well, actually.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31620

73. Each Boston Baked Bean represents half a percent raise. We each got 24 beans, so the idea is, you place the bean on the picture of who you think deserv-- who's that?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31621

74. He's not a part of this. You know that.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31623

75. Okay, your move.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31625

76. Here we go.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31627

77. Okay, you're gonna still have to play that bean. You know that.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31629

78. I was just trying to be unbiased.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31641

79. Uh, on a scale of one to ten, I'd say I'm about a four.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31657

80. Six. You?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31659

81. I mean, a performance-based raise sounded like a good idea, right?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31661

82. We tried to find the fairest way to do it.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31663

83. I just-- what?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31665

84. Michael's my only friend left in the office. Except Pam... I think. Is she still upset?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31670

85. Thank you.

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31672

86. What's in here?

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31674

87. Ooh!

    Season 6 · Episode 3 · Quote 31676

88. We would really appreciate it.

    Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31688

89. It is really special.

    Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31697

90. Well, congrats.

    Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31700

91. Believe it or not, Kevin, fire crackers are in the don't column.

    Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31703

92. No. This is a fire cracker free wedding.

    Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31705

93. Absolutely. 'Cause not everyone knows and some people may be offended.

    Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31709

94. That's nice.

    Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31713

95. Good-bye.

    Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31722

96. Yeah?

    Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31758

97. Oh, wow. That's cool.

    Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31760

98. Click. Oh, you blinked. Damn it. Now that's in my brain forever.

    Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31762

99. Lousy Picture.

    Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31764

100. Niagara Falls used to be, like, a spiritual experience for people. They stayed in tents and it blew their minds. It's really kitchy now, which is a lot of fun.

     Season 6 · Episode 4 · Quote 31781