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Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 34)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 34 of 69

  1. Nope. I mean, I could have brought a change of clothes, or-

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28223

  2. Hey, how you doing? Jim Halpert, sales. Just wanted to say, if you need anything, let me know.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28235

  3. I didn't think you'd notice. Uh, it's funny actually, there's another salesman out here, Dwight Schrute, and he sent out this memo, as he always does, and, uh, it was about professionalism in the workplace. Of course, he singled me out. So I just had to mess with him.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28237

  4. Oh, you'd understand if you read the memo which I should probably get you, there's probably one in a drawer... uh. It was pretty crazy. But, uh, not more crazy than wearing a tux, at work, I grant you that... so, uh.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28239

  5. Jim Halpert, yep. So, um, just going to let you get back to it...

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28241

  6. I thought it'd be funny.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28243

  7. Thanks, Charles.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28348

  8. No, I would like to get back to work, actually, please.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28394

  9. You pet the animals and they pet you back.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28396

  10. Hey.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28413

  11. Alright, Charles, I've gotta be honest. I think we really got off on the wrong foot here. And, truth be told, I'm a pretty smart guy, and, uh, a hard-worker. And a great number two for the office.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28415

  12. Second-in-command to Michael.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28417

  13. Oh, that's because at first it was a made up position for Dwight, just to make him feel better, assistant to the regional manager. But then he lost that, and Michael gave it to me.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28419

  14. Assistant regional manager, yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28421

  15. No, not exactly.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28423

  16. Alright, I will, um, I'm just gonna let you get back to that.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28425

  17. Yep.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28427

  18. See ya. See ya. Bye!

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28451

  19. And for my next trick, I will make my career disappear.

    Season 5 · Episode 18 · Line 28452

  20. About a week ago, Michael gave his 2-week notice. And, surprisingly there is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28492

  21. You called any headhunters?

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28501

  22. Right, cause that's what we are talking about.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28504

  23. Its Monster dot com. Singular.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28553

  24. Yeah... .you want me to come in your office? Oh.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28559

  25. I would prefer not to.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28561

  26. You're starting your own paper company?

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28563

  27. Why?

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28565

  28. Do you know the industry is in decline?

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28567

  29. Right.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28569

  30. No, I did that before, it added nothing.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28571

  31. Okay.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28573

  32. I am not gonna do this.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28575

  33. And you are not going to, either.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28577

  34. Here's the thing. What I wish for you is that you land a job at a company that A, exists, and B, has a salary. Because they're set up to do that kind of thing.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28579

  35. Hey.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28582

  36. Nothing, just talking.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28584

  37. I didn't... no.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28586

  38. I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28700

  39. Well it is tempting but I am 100% leaning towards something else.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28702

  40. What?

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28715

  41. What? Pam!

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28717

  42. Pam! You can't be serious.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28719

  43. Still no.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28728

  44. Michael, its not how you leave in an office. It how you...

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28733

  45. I'll bring your stuff home. Okay, bye.

    Season 5 · Episode 19 · Line 28735

  46. You gonna answer that, Kev?

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28743

  47. Charles is having Kevin cover the phones for a while. How do I say this diplomatically? I think Kevin is doing exactly as well as anyone might have expected someone like him to perform in a position like that.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28745

  48. No. Stay there. Kev, thought we nailed the whole transfer thing earlier.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28747

  49. It is transfer, extension, and then transfer again.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28749

  50. Here we go.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28751

  51. Kev, c'mon.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28754

  52. Would you please stop that?

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28785

  53. You're breathing very heavily.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28787

  54. No it's not.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28789

  55. Oh no. I was just -

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28792

  56. ... Yes.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28794

  57. I've never been a kiss up. I - it's just not how I operate. I mean, I've always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work. Half-heartedly.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28859

  58. Uh, no. Nope. Not really.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28881

  59. It's 'cause I'm more of a player.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28883

  60. You bet.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28885

  61. Well I do.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28887

  62. I play.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28889

  63. Well, maybe you should get back to work.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28891

  64. Maybe we will someday.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28893

  65. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28897

  66. Let's... eh... see ya.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28905

  67. Yep, I used to play soccer in school. From second to fourth grade. I was on the orange team.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28907

  68. Oh, there he goes.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28956

  69. Yikes.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28958

  70. Aw, man.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28960

  71. Oh! Goal!

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28962

  72. Aw, it's gonna be the worst.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28964

  73. Left.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28987

  74. Forward, definitely.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28989

  75. Striker!

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28991

  76. Alright! Let's do it.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28993

  77. Kickoff. My strategy is to touch the ball as little as possible. Chalk it up to teamwork. Alright!

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 28995

  78. What?

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 29019

  79. Okay, I'm just gonna go get some ice.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 29021

  80. I'm sorry, Phyllis.

    Season 5 · Episode 20 · Line 29023

  81. LOVE the hair.

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29053

  82. You realize you're not actually talking to me, right?

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29058

  83. The new receptionist is also named Kelly. So Kelly Kapoor has decided to hover around my desk, so that she can run into his Charles' office every time he calls for Kelly. She thinks if she says 'You wanted me' enough, he will in fact want her. It's not the worse plan she's ever had.

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29063

  84. Hi!

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29085

  85. Sure!

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29087

  86. Okay.

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29089

  87. What the hell's a rundown?

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29090

  88. When did you need that rundown by?

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29091

  89. Okay.

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29093

  90. Yeah. Gotcha. Of course. I'm gonna dive in. To the rundown. I'll be exhausted 'cause it's like a triathlon. Do you want to close this? Close, or keep it?

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29095

  91. Hey dude, you know what a 'rundown' is?

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29178

  92. Uh, can you get this rundown for me?'

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29180

  93. This rundown better be really good'?

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29182

  94. Charles asked me to do this rundown of all my clients.

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29184

  95. No. I can't. It was like, hours ago.

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29186

  96. Oh, this is just something I'm taking a break with.

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29197

  97. I will get back to the rundown, uh, right now.

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29199

  98. Hey you know what? Do you have a rundown that I could take a look at, just so I know what type of rundown you're looking for ?

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29201

  99. Keeping it simple -that's what I'm doing. But I am working hard on this one. Real hard.

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29203

  100. No. Not too hard. Not harder than I should.

    Season 5 · Episode 21 · Line 29205