Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 31)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 31 of 69

1. I bought it. It's ours. Let's go inside, I'll show you inside. So if you can believe it I did it without a realtor. Saving on closing costs is good and, uh, we can put all the money to de-shag the carpet. Which I think will help, the color situation. Yeah, I am really sorry about this. I tried to move it but he is really nailed in there. Worried about art theft, I guess, lot of art theives in this neighborhood. This is the master bedroom but, I'm actually not allowed in here so...

   Season 5 · Episode 8 · Line 25530

2. So I'm still in the process of converting the garage. It's got great light in here and I'm thinking, it could be perfect for an art studio. Look, I know, I bought this without asking you and it's doesn't look great, I know that. And if you really hate it, I totally understand it's just---

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3. You do?

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4. Really?

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5. Oh my God...

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6. Yeah, I did.

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7. No, No, we'll just board that up. It'll be that weird spare room that people ask us about.

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8. Yeah, I can't... really can't move him.

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9. Uh, actually, I'm gonna go with copier.

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10. Ever since Pam and I started dating, I just feel weird asking her to make copies for me. So, I make my own copies. And that copier sucks. Let me tell you, I-But you know what? Pam and I don't have to agree on everything.

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11. You have to make the decision.

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12. Hey.

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13. Mmhmm.

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14. Oh, Pam, I really... hate that copier.

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15. Yeah.

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16. Beesly, are you threatening me?

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17. Okay.

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18. Whew.

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19. Woah, you guys going to lunch?

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20. Mind if I join?

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25647

21. All right.

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22. Let's go.

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23. Let's do it.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25653

24. Where we going?

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25. Michael, that is hilarious.

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26. Ahh... I got you some tiramisu. No hard feelings.

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27. Yeah.

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28. You look really pretty.

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29. You might want to consider changing teams, because we would-we would love to have you.

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30. Yeah?

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25723

31. There they are.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25725

32. You got it.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25727

33. Okay.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25729

34. Oh!

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35. We have that going out Tuesday... Okay? Sure, no, I can... I'll double-check that for you.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25815

36. Let me call you right back. Okay.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25817

37. Wait, what?

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25834

38. Truce?

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39. Yeah, you did win. You did win. Anyway, I'm going to need three copies of each of these, stapled and collated. Totally kidding. I'm gonna need four.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25867

40. Happy Holidays, Dwight. But do not open it till Christmas.

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41. Five minutes actually. I am a black belt in gift wrapping.

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42. I think it'll take you a little longer than that.

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43. Ah. You brought in your doll collection.

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44. That's the Christmas spirit.

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45. Yes.

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46. I will grant you one wish.

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47. Stupid. Everyone knows to ask for a hundred more wishes. Dumb.

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48. What is it?

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49. Wow, that is delicious.

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50. Can't believe no ones thought of that.

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51. Oh, oh, oh, oh!

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52. Ah... would you want to do it on Groundhogs day?

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53. That's cool.

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54. Well what if we can't do it quickly.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25939

55. Yeah.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 25951

56. Yeah, but you're gonna need a permit for that.

    Season 5 · Episode 10 · Line 26004

57. Michael, I think... you did the best you could, but this is bigger than all of us.

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58. They've been in there for 45 minutes.

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59. Hey.

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60. Do you take requests?

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61. Please stop. People are having a Christmas party.

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62. You did not know it.

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63. Everyone knew some of it.

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64. You knew it.

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65. She knew it.

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66. No, no, no, it's not your turn. All right, thirteen is the new number. Oscar, go ahead.

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67. No, no. Nope.

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68. Nothing.

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69. Why don't... Let's...

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70. How about we just... Just have to talk to you for a second...

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26141

71. Ahh!

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26143

72. No, no.

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73. I know.

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74. Andy still doesn't know that Angela's having an affair with Dwight. And it's been seventeen days. I mean, eventually he'll figure it out, when their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth. But right now it's just... awkward.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26149

75. We can't figure that out.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26151

76. No.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26172

77. Please stop.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26174

78. When?

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26189

79. This is really not how this is supposed to happen.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26197

80. Stop. What?

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26203

81. Okay, listen.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26205

82. This shouldn't happen at work.

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83. And!

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84. This shouldn't be coming from his boss. And we should also consider the fact that that man has an anger issue.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26211

85. Well it's not too late, because you haven't done anything.

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86. But you're leaving...

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26219

87. What are you standing for?

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88. You're not going to do anything to his neck or his groin.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26245

89. Dwight, I'm in charge when Michael's gone, and I need you to sit...

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26247

90. You okay, man?

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26287

91. Hey guys, why don't we, uh, just cool off a bit?

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26304

92. Nope.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26312

93. Okay, you know what? That's enough. Because...

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26318

94. Hey. It is my business when it happens at work.

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95. So, I either get more involved, or I take a sick day... leaving Dwight in charge. Oh God.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26339

96. [collects Dwight's weapons from around the office; holds up a hand scythe]

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26340

97. Thanks Meredith.

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26343

98. Dwight! Are your legs broken?

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26379

99. Andy, are you all right?

    Season 5 · Episode 11 · Line 26381

100. Looks like a red wire.

     Season 5 · Episode 12 · Line 26400