Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 33)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 33 of 69

1. Okay, so far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch football, mating, charades, and yes, horse hunting.

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2. Look, is there a birthday you remember that you loved?

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3. Okay, stop. Forever stop that story. That's disgusting, and it doesn't count. So give me another one.

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4. Actually, when I was seven, my Dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. And we looked at fossils all day. And at the end of the day, he got me a little plastic triceratops. It was awesome.

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5. Didn't see that one coming.

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6. Not a surprise.

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7. What?! You have a cake. You have a delicious cake, with your name spelled correctly?

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8. You haven't heard our theme, though.

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9. That's the best part. That represents a pillow, or a television.

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10. Because the fun part is, you get to decide on an hour of television, or an hour of napping.

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11. Yeah?

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12. No.

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13. All right.

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14. Ahem. This is for you... and ...Happy Birthday, Kel.

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15. Thanks.

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16. Michael Scott, manager. Hi, how are ya?

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17. Nice to meet you, yeah. Whew! I can assure you we don't need a new system though. Happy with ours.

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18. Jimbo!

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19. Ayyyy!

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20. Ayyyy!

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21. You're only engaged once. Well present company excluded, but.

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22. Yeah. She's fine.

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23. They're for her to look at, Michael.

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24. Yes, let's have a word.

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25. Oh, I'm sorry.

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26. I understand that.

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27. Uh, I actually thought we were keeping it pretty low-key.

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28. We do.

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29. That sounds fun.

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30. I have a lot of work to do this afternoon. Those mines aren't gonna sweep themselves.

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31. Oh yeah, I understood.

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32. No way, a 280?

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33. Yikes.

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34. No. Bob, no. No!

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35. That is a lie, that is a lie.

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36. But! That girl must've had monstrous hands because the holes fit.

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37. Nobody asked, Bob!

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38. I think if you ordered hot food you're allowed to eat.

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39. Look at that. Bob ordered hot food.

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40. We should help him out.

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41. Here they come.

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42. No, just kidding. Seriously though, that's enough.

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43. Oh great, I have to cover?

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44. Well they didn't dine so, yeah, maybe they just dashed.

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45. We were.

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46. Empty.

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47. Oh boy.

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48. OK.

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49. So...

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50. Oh initially I did.

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51. Ding Dong.

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52. KGB.

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53. Ding dong.

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54. Ding dong.

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55. The KGB will wait for no one!

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56. We own our own delivery trucks. We could lease them out on the weekends --

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57. Free paper.'

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58. What are you doing?

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59. Why don't you just go out on a date with her? Try to spark up an on going joke and then in a month or two, if it feels right, you'll know.

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60. What power?

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61. Well guys with girlfriends don't.

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62. Hey, Tom. What's that? Oh, you found a golden ticket. One of my clients found a golden ticket. Yup. No, congratulations.

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63. I'll take that down right now.

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64. I'm on the phone.

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65. Hold on one second.

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66. It's actually Blue Cross from Pennsylvania.

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67. Hold on one sec. Hold on one sec, Tom, what's that? You found five golden tickets? And does it say limit one per customer? Nope, it doesn't.

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68. How do you not spread out the tickets into different shipments?

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69. OK...

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70. ...well I'm going to call corporate to make sure that they know I didn't lose half my sales.

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71. So, well I lost a ton of money today and I have a mortgage, so I'm a little pissed too.

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72. Absolutely not, I'm mad at you.

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73. Good one.

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74. All I'm saying is that it's a first dates, so just keep a respectful distance.

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75. No, that is what I mean.

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76. No, stop it.

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77. You cannot take the fall for him.

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78. He can do the same for you. Right now. By getting fired instead of you. So what are you gonna do?

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79. There it is.

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80. You, you are taking about Dwight Schrute. The biggest Wonka fan I know. I mean, you've been talking about that movie for years.

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81. And you know what? I even made fun of you when you dressed up as Willy Wonka to pitch this idea and for that I apologize.

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82. Yeah, let's face it. This meeting sounds like it's Wonka fans only. He's never seen the movie.

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83. Who is it?

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84. Alright. I just got out of the shower, I'll be one second.

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85. Yeah, I'm late for work, so I have to brush my teeth, it's a whole routine.

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86. If you want to come back then, that'll be fine.

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87. I get back from work around 6.

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88. You can try. That, that might work.

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89. Alright.

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90. I don't know. Is it classy enough?

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91. I just feel like after fifteen years at this company, bravo by the way, that we should celebrate with a very classy event, a night to remember.

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92. And of course, classy.

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93. Last week, Dwight sent out a memo about the dress code. So, this is me showing him that I'm taking it very seriously.

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94. That's it. Or Mr. Peanut.

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95. Oh, Dwight, you're trying too hard, and that's just not classy. You see, the thing about classy is it's a state of mind.

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96. Ok, well let's just try this one on for size. And I apologize because it's right off the top of my head: an ice sculpture. Of you. Completely surrounded by a variety of chocolate-covered fruits.

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97. That's inspired.

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98. De class'.

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99. Hey.

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100. Really wish you would have told me the new boss was coming today.

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