Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 32)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 32 of 69

1. Well it's a computer Dwight, computers have wires.

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2. Doesn't it?

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3. Dwight, I am really busy, I can't talk about this anymore.

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4. I got 500 feet of red wire at a flea market up by Dunmore High School. 20 bucks for the whole spool. Crazy, what a deal. Oh he'll be fine. I made it up there.

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5. Guys, she is a beautiful movie star, so maybe we should just go to work.

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6. Okay, okay, okay. Why don't we just put this to a vote, and then we'll be done with it.

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7. No one cares. Who thinks that Hillary Swank is hot, raise your hand. Okay, and who thinks Hillary Swank is not hot, raise your hand.

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8. Thank you, accounting department.

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9. I think all of us have a tendency to view celebrities as sort of mythical figures, you know? We don't really see them as real so therefore we don't judge them as real people.

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10. Kevin, you know what, why don't you close your eyes? Imagine that Hilary Swank comes into this office for real and she walks over to you and says Kevin Malone, I just read your online profile and there is nothing I would rather do then make out with you right now. And now you tell me something, is she hot? Does that end the debate?

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11. This close.

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12. OH!

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13. I'm saying, all I'm saying is Kevin is not necessarily a feminist, is all I'm saying.

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14. Back door.

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15. Okay, I am not dying here. Come on.

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16. What?!

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17. No, no, no! Don't give him mouth to mouth for this!

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18. No. Michael. Michael.

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19. Michael! Michael!

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20. How's that gonna help you?

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21. Right.

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22. And we don't know how.

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23. Punishment fits the crime.

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24. What's going on?

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25. Uh, no one really knows, but Pam's parents are going through a little bit of a rough patch in their marriage.

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26. I mean, they just need to communicate, you know? If they said to each other what they're saying to everyone else, then--

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27. You couldn't of memorized that?

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28. Gimme a break.

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29. Can you believe this? He was pretty talkative at breakfast.

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30. Hey.

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31. Mmm... nope, we mostly just talked about cereal.

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32. What?

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33. Mmm...

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34. I'm ok, I'm not, great, and um...

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35. Don't open your eyes.

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36. What?

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37. Oh my God. Pam, I don't know, I, nothing, truly, nothing. I mean, I, I just was honest with him and I, I'm so sorry, I don't know. I'll call him again.

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38. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, so... it was her parents or my parents...

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39. Several times a day, Michael says words that are way beyond my vocabulary.

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40. Do ya?

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41. Ok. Remember Spider face?

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42. OK. 'Cause the quote was, cut off your nose to spiderface.

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43. Yeah... yep.

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44. Yep. You're being replaced.

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45. He just sent a text...

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46. So what did he say? Was it my fault?

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47. You ok?

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48. Are you alright?

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49. This morning the phone guy comes in, and he shows Michael that the phones have a PA function. And then he just left.

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50. [disgusted groan]

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51. [sighs and knocks on Michaels door]

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52. That's pretty funny. Hey you know what? Did I drop my, uh...

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53. What the heck? Is that, uh...

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54. I didn't, I'll look somewhere else.

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55. All right.

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56. Hey, Kelly.

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57. Whoa! What was that all about.

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58. Go ahead.

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59. Okay.

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60. Basically after Phyllis blackmailed Angela, Michael asked them to both step down from the party planning committee cause there was too much drama.

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61. Just, easy.

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62. Party planning is literally the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life.

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63. So this is fun.

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64. We just wanted to say we are very sorry.

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65. Guys guys guys guys guys guys. We just want to make it up to you. What can we do?

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66. Okay.

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67. Are you kidding?

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68. Dwight. This, fits in the palm of my hand. You haven't blown 'em up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons?

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69. What is that? It is your birthday period.

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70. Not even an exclamation point?

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71. I can't believe how bad this looks.

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72. Okay, good then.

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73. I am working on it.

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74. Six dollars.

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75. I said I was working on it.

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76. How old's Kelly?

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77. It's Mose. Who do you think it is?

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78. Look, I'm at the supermarket, and they only have numbered candles. How old is she?

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79. Do you think I'm calling you for your best approximation?

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80. So I am collecting $3 from everybody. For Kelly's party.

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81. Oh, great.

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82. [looks at a three dollar bill]

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83. Hey! What the hell's goin' on?

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84. What?

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85. Yep.

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86. Got it.

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87. Hey, Dwight, sounds like she was 14, so maybe we wanna go a little easy.

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88. Hey, you know what? I got you a cake.

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89. And... ta da.

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90. How do you hate it? It's a cake.

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91. Right.

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92. I forgot if there was an 'e' between the 'l' and the 'y.' I still don't know.

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93. Birthday.

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94. Okay, you know what, next time, I'll let you get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl.

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95. Okay, so all we need is a theme... and cups, and ice, and punch, and a cake.

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96. Hey, what's that show that she's always talking about?

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97. You know what? I could use a little help.

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98. We have a lot to do, and you are... putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing, is making a sign?

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99. You've been making that sign, for something that we could just announce to the whole office? Hey everybody, the party's now at 3!

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100. I'm not writing, 'Horse Hunt.' I don't even know what that means.

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