Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 32)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 32 of 69

1. Well it's a computer Dwight, computers have wires.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26402

2. Doesn't it?

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26404

3. Dwight, I am really busy, I can't talk about this anymore.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26406

4. I got 500 feet of red wire at a flea market up by Dunmore High School. 20 bucks for the whole spool. Crazy, what a deal. Oh he'll be fine. I made it up there.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26409

5. Guys, she is a beautiful movie star, so maybe we should just go to work.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26434

6. Okay, okay, okay. Why don't we just put this to a vote, and then we'll be done with it.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26439

7. No one cares. Who thinks that Hillary Swank is hot, raise your hand. Okay, and who thinks Hillary Swank is not hot, raise your hand.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26441

8. Thank you, accounting department.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26443

9. I think all of us have a tendency to view celebrities as sort of mythical figures, you know? We don't really see them as real so therefore we don't judge them as real people.

   Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26527

10. Kevin, you know what, why don't you close your eyes? Imagine that Hilary Swank comes into this office for real and she walks over to you and says Kevin Malone, I just read your online profile and there is nothing I would rather do then make out with you right now. And now you tell me something, is she hot? Does that end the debate?

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26532

11. This close.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26535

12. OH!

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26554

13. I'm saying, all I'm saying is Kevin is not necessarily a feminist, is all I'm saying.

    Season 5 · Episode 12 · Quote 26607

14. Back door.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26688

15. Okay, I am not dying here. Come on.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26716

16. What?!

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26726

17. No, no, no! Don't give him mouth to mouth for this!

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26729

18. No. Michael. Michael.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26731

19. Michael! Michael!

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26733

20. How's that gonna help you?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26834

21. Right.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26836

22. And we don't know how.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26881

23. Punishment fits the crime.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26883

24. What's going on?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26890

25. Uh, no one really knows, but Pam's parents are going through a little bit of a rough patch in their marriage.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26891

26. I mean, they just need to communicate, you know? If they said to each other what they're saying to everyone else, then--

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26896

27. You couldn't of memorized that?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26903

28. Gimme a break.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26911

29. Can you believe this? He was pretty talkative at breakfast.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26916

30. Hey.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26921

31. Mmm... nope, we mostly just talked about cereal.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26923

32. What?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26925

33. Mmm...

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26927

34. I'm ok, I'm not, great, and um...

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26929

35. Don't open your eyes.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26933

36. What?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26961

37. Oh my God. Pam, I don't know, I, nothing, truly, nothing. I mean, I, I just was honest with him and I, I'm so sorry, I don't know. I'll call him again.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26963

38. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, so... it was her parents or my parents...

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26964

39. Several times a day, Michael says words that are way beyond my vocabulary.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 26998

40. Do ya?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27000

41. Ok. Remember Spider face?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27002

42. OK. 'Cause the quote was, cut off your nose to spiderface.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27004

43. Yeah... yep.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27006

44. Yep. You're being replaced.

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27045

45. He just sent a text...

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27050

46. So what did he say? Was it my fault?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27061

47. You ok?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27063

48. Are you alright?

    Season 5 · Episode 13 · Quote 27069

49. This morning the phone guy comes in, and he shows Michael that the phones have a PA function. And then he just left.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27078

50. [disgusted groan]

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27080

51. [sighs and knocks on Michaels door]

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27084

52. That's pretty funny. Hey you know what? Did I drop my, uh...

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27086

53. What the heck? Is that, uh...

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27088

54. I didn't, I'll look somewhere else.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27090

55. All right.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27092

56. Hey, Kelly.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27110

57. Whoa! What was that all about.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27114

58. Go ahead.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27116

59. Okay.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27118

60. Basically after Phyllis blackmailed Angela, Michael asked them to both step down from the party planning committee cause there was too much drama.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27120

61. Just, easy.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27122

62. Party planning is literally the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27124

63. So this is fun.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27126

64. We just wanted to say we are very sorry.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27148

65. Guys guys guys guys guys guys. We just want to make it up to you. What can we do?

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27153

66. Okay.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27156

67. Are you kidding?

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27177

68. Dwight. This, fits in the palm of my hand. You haven't blown 'em up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons?

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27179

69. What is that? It is your birthday period.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27181

70. Not even an exclamation point?

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27183

71. I can't believe how bad this looks.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27185

72. Okay, good then.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27187

73. I am working on it.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27189

74. Six dollars.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27191

75. I said I was working on it.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27193

76. How old's Kelly?

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27290

77. It's Mose. Who do you think it is?

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27292

78. Look, I'm at the supermarket, and they only have numbered candles. How old is she?

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27294

79. Do you think I'm calling you for your best approximation?

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27296

80. So I am collecting $3 from everybody. For Kelly's party.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27309

81. Oh, great.

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27311

82. [looks at a three dollar bill]

    Season 5 · Episode 14 · Quote 27313

83. Hey! What the hell's goin' on?

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27352

84. What?

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27356

85. Yep.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27358

86. Got it.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27360

87. Hey, Dwight, sounds like she was 14, so maybe we wanna go a little easy.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27362

88. Hey, you know what? I got you a cake.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27366

89. And... ta da.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27368

90. How do you hate it? It's a cake.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27370

91. Right.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27372

92. I forgot if there was an 'e' between the 'l' and the 'y.' I still don't know.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27373

93. Birthday.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27375

94. Okay, you know what, next time, I'll let you get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27380

95. Okay, so all we need is a theme... and cups, and ice, and punch, and a cake.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27425

96. Hey, what's that show that she's always talking about?

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27427

97. You know what? I could use a little help.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27429

98. We have a lot to do, and you are... putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing, is making a sign?

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27431

99. You've been making that sign, for something that we could just announce to the whole office? Hey everybody, the party's now at 3!

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27433

100. I'm not writing, 'Horse Hunt.' I don't even know what that means.

     Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27500