Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 28)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 28 of 69

1. Fair question.

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2. See, you're always saying there's something wrong with society, but... maybe there's something wrong with you.

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3. Summers going great. Just spent two hours listening to Michael Clump. I have a weird pain in my left side that I'm convinced is an ulcer. My girlfriend lives in New York and I haven't seen her in 10 days. How's your summer?

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4. So as it turns out, tonight is my nephews T-ball game and I kinda missed the first three, so...

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5. I know. I suck.

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6. Dwight says 'Hi.'

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7. Now he is saying 'Hi' louder.

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8. Umm...

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9. Hey, can you go to IM?

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10. OK.

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11. I'm gonna write you up for not working.

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12. [holds up an ASCII image of Dwight]

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13. Hey, Michael. I just scheduled lunch with a client so I might be back a little late.

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14. Perfect.

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15. [Jim gets down on one knee]

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16. I just... couldn't wait.

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17. Pam, will you marry me?

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18. So?

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19. Hey, sorry everybody.

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20. Hey Dwight.

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21. What's up, Meredith?

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22. No, you're not.

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23. Yeah, well, if you're only free till three on Sunday and I can't get there till one, then it's gonna be pretty tight.

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24. Hey, can you not?

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25. No, no, no, definitely, definitely. Yes. Next weekend, then. All right! I love you, too.

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26. When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us all to believe that he was the father... by telling us he was the father. But then we got this e-mail from Jan. 'Hi, everyone! Jan here, writing to share some wonderful news and to quash a rumor. First, the great news - I am expecting. The beautiful baby inside me will be ready to meet the world this fall just a few months before the launch of the new Serenity by Jan line (shameless plug, I know, don't hate me, LOL). Anyway, I also wanted to clarify that the father is not anyone that you or I have ever met. Remember, no matter how excited someone is about my baby, it does not make them the father. Best, Jan. P.S. Hope to ship you something soon.'

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27. Alright. I'll tell everybody here that you say hi.

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28. Why, what happened?

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29. Ah. That... they might be off the hook for because I... didn't tell them.

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30. I just didn't, you know, want a deal.

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31. OK. You know what? Here we go. Uh, everybody? I just want to make an announcement. Pam and I are engaged.

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32. Nope.

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33. Thank you Angela.

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34. Yes.

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35. To get married.

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36. Yep.

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37. Nice.

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38. Dwight, you've really never stolen any company time?

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39. Jackpot.

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40. Yawn. Four seconds.

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41. Oh you had said that you don't do anything personal during work time so... I'm just making sure.

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42. Personal conversation. Seventeen seconds.

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43. One second.

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44. Hey, Andy.

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45. By any chance, did you see Battlestar Galactica last night?

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46. Actually not. It was really so-so.

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47. I mean I like all the crazy monsters and stuff. You know, like klingons and wookies and all that but... Sorry, was there something you wanted to add, Dwight?

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48. You know, it's weird. It's practically a shot for shot remake.

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49. Story's kinda bland. It's about this guy named Dumbledore Calrissian who needs to return the ring back to Mordor.

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50. He has not stopped working for a second. At 12:45 he sneezed while keeping his eyes open, which I always thought was impossible. At 1:32 he peed, and I know that because he did it in an open soda bottle under the desk while filling out expense reports. And on the flip side, I have been so busy watching him that I haven't even started work. It's exhausting, being this vigilant. I'll probably have to go home early today.

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51. 19 minutes and 48 seconds. What were we doing for 19 minutes and 48 seconds?

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52. So I guess I can assume that was personal.

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53. So maybe you're not completely ethical after all.

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54. Oh, but you mean other than embezzling?

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55. Fraud.

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56. Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now, this baby will be related to Michael through delusion.

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57. Right, the one from England.

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58. Oh. Right, that style.

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59. OK...

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60. Wait, who's Sarah Kayacombsen?

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61. OK.

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62. No... way!

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63. Ha ha. That's hilarious?

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64. Who, Stacy?

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65. Uh...

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66. OK, I'll ta...I'll talk to you later. That was a good story.

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67. Jan.

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68. What do we have here?

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69. Really...

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70. Hey! You busy?

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71. OK, OK, so you gotta hear this. So, Jan's shower is going on right now, and she's singing 'Son of a Preacher Man' and everyone's just staring at her.

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72. The song is about losing your virginity next to a church, and guess what - she's been singing for the last twenty minutes!

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73. Oh. OK, well you know what, I um, just call me later.

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74. Hey, it's Jim. Leave a message.

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75. Hey, it's me. It is 5:03.

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76. You must be out or something.

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77. Is it me, or are we just a little off today?

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78. Hope you didn't have any major laundry issues.

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79. Remember that time that I helped you do your laundry and that crazy guy came in and started yelling at you?

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80. Yet here you are, back in a Laundromat. Now, I'm just trying to help you, Beesly. Be safe.

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81. Wish you were home. Uh, anyway...

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82. I miss you.

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83. Oh yeah. Wait 'til you get to know her better though.

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84. We were robbed last night.

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85. So apparently Pam went out last night, and accidentally called my work phone at 3:00 in the morning.

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86. I'm on minute six of this message.

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87. The future mother of my children.

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88. Do you need us for any of this?

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89. 5 dollars.

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90. I can see that.

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91. Another round, boys? Great.

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92. Hey man.

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93. Oh, I wouldn't-[clears throat]

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94. I'm good. How you doing?

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95. Yeah, okay.

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96. Oh, she's good actually.

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97. She's, um, she's in New York. She's at an art school.

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98. Yeah, she's doing really well.

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99. She's engaged, um... to me.

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100. Oh, thanks man. Appreciate that.

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