Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 26)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 26 of 69

1. I'm not single.

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2. Pam.

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3. You know what? If we all stayed a couple of hours late tonight without Michael distracting us, we wouldn't have to come in at all tomorrow.

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4. So I caught everyone before they left and I told them my idea, and they loved it. Because this is a group that respects good ideas... the one time a year they hear one.

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5. Thanks a lot guys, Good job.

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6. Nice job everybody. Great work.

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7. Nope. I didn't, but let's go inside and I can call him right now.

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8. You really don't have his phone number?

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9. Great, It's under here as Security Guard home. Did you not get his name? Or...

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10. It's ringing. Does anybody have his name? Quick.

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11. It's not, it's not Eddie, it's ah, Evan or...

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12. No guys his name's not Hank, it's ah, is it Edgar?

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13. Is it Elliot? Hey ch... chief, this is Jim Halpert from um... where you work. You're the guy who sits behind the desk... you're, you're the, the Afri... African-American guy, I mean you're. Ah... Who, Who've I got here?

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14. Oh thank you Hank. You are a lifesaver, Hank. Appreciate it. Alright, so Hank is gonna come down here and he's gonna let us all out. He said it should just be under an hour, so... we did it.

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15. Yup...

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16. Please don't pick up, please don't pick up, please don't pick up.

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17. Haaank. Is that you?

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18. Still haven't left the house yet, huh?

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19. Good. Please hurry.

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20. Will do. I'll stop calling.

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21. Cleaning people. Oscar. OK, so all you need to do is explain to them what happened, 'cause I think they can help us.

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22. I... just... if they speak Spanish.

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23. Lucky us.

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24. Will do. I'll stop calling.

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25. No, that was his wife, so he's on his way.

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26. Well, he'll be here really soon, Kev.

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27. Let's be honest, it's not totally my fault. Shared responsibility.

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28. Oh, I just mean if you, if you didn't lock the door, then we could be upstairs where it's warmer.

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29. Is that... I didn't know that was your... okay, so we're in agreement, this is not ideal... situation.

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30. Yeah that's true.

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31. If you were a real star you would put your face in it.

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32. We are here today, not to immortalize a man, but an idea... Maybe the idea of a man.

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33. Greatness is only skin deep, some people say...

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34. Well that's not true. Other people believe it's deeper inside...

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35. And in this case...

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36. That's also not true.

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37. You know what would energize me? If you, Pamela Morgan Beesly...

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38. Would...

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39. Well, it's too late, because I'm proposing... that you get me a cup of coffee, which would energize me greatly, and make me the happiest man in the world.

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40. What about if we did an even newer voicemail message that had even more zing and pep?

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41. An urban thing...

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42. Oh boy...

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43. On a wing and a prayer, mostly.

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44. A formal warning...

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45. I'm sorry, is, is this because I talked to Wallace about your website? Because I really didn't mean to go over your head.

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46. I'm sorry, then do you mind explaining a little better? Cause I'm not sure what's really...

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47. Oh we were just... talking about, bureaucratic stuff...

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48. Yeah...

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49. That's not a good idea.

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50. Who?

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51. Let's go.

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52. Okay, you know what? Why don't you take my hand, and leave them, and let's get out of here.

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53. Who else is he mean to?

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54. Mm-hmm.

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55. Hey.

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56. She's never worn these glasses before.

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57. Well, I actually agree with her, I think you should talk to him. And you also might want to explain to Andy that no one wants to help him decide whether or not he has a rash.

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58. A formal warning, seriously?

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59. And no one cared.

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60. Productivity? My numbers are good.

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61. Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course, because Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan, he was the temp here. Yeah. And uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job. Since I have some pretty big long term plans in my personal life with Pam, that I'd like her parents to be psyched about. So I am about to do something very bold at this job that I've never done before. Try.

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62. Mr. Maguire, it's been a couple of years.

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63. Great!

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64. Hey, so how's the direct mail business going?

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65. Now are you getting all your paper from PPC? Or-

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66. Absolutely, will do.

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67. So I guess I'll just... work on my short game.

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68. You know, you can just pick it up, take the triple bogey.

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69. Yep.

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70. Hey, can't really talk now, what's up?

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71. Uh, you know, we'll see, we'll see.

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72. Oh, I like you.

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73. Yeah. All right. Bye. All right. Sorry, I got to annoy you one more time. What if I bring down shipping costs?

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74. Okay. You had some fun, and uh, I think I paid for it. So let me get my last shot in there. Is there anything you can do for me?

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75. Absolutely.

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76. You know it's a tough thing, seeing a grown man take six shots to get out of a sand trap but, I had to give Phil credit for not quitting. Which is what I told him. I also told him I don't quit either, and I'd call him every single day until he gave me his business. Which he then did, after ...fifteen minutes of me blocking his car. So I am now his paper supplier! And I shot a 102 today, so I'm feeling pretty good.

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77. I closed it!

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78. Thank you. Oh, thank you very much. Appreciate it.

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79. Thank you. You know what, screw this!

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80. If your client likes Italian food, you bring him to Cugino's. And if your client likes a little action, you bring him a gambler. And if your client hates Cornell, you bring him Andy.

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81. Yeah, well, you know...Cornell.

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82. Hello, this is Dwight.

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83. Yes, we do have that. Hold on one second...

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84. And how many would you like?

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85. Absolutely. We can get that out to you immediately.

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86. Dwight left his cell phone on his desk. So, naturally, I paired it to my headset.

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87. Hello, this is Dwight.

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88. Yes it is.

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89. Oh, thank you. I've been working out.

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90. Can't do that. Unsanitary.

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91. This is Dwight.

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92. Oh, and I forwarded his desk phone to mine.

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93. Oh, hello Mater. Good news: I've married. Tell Fater. Such a nice woman.

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94. Hey... What?

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95. No way! What did I say? I said that they'd love those sketches. Congratulations!

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96. Yes! So when do you start?

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97. Wow. Busy morning.

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98. It's not a big deal. I'll come visit you. And you'll visit me. It's only two hours away. It'll be fine. That part's gonna suck, but it'll be great.

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99. See how easy that is?

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100. So I just got the fax closing the sale, and uh, it's big. It is really big.

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