Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 19)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 19 of 69

1. Well... that's not gonna hold up in court.

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2. All right.

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3. Not important. Because you're not dating her. Because it's a felony.

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4. Probably

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5. Absolutely.

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6. And you should.

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7. Andy... is having a

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8. Good luck.'

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9. You want music?

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10. Come on man, just give it a couple days. I think you'll be all right.

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11. A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh...

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12. A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh...

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13. A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh...

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14. A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh...

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15. Do you?

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16. OK.

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17. Look at that.

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18. Spot on.

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19. Oh, my God! Wow.

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20. Then you did nothing wrong. We should go.

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21. She looks older.

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22. No.

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23. Or a high school girl. Let's go.

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24. What's that?

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25. Oh. You don't have to tell me this.

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26. You shouldn't be talking about that.

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27. Hypothetically. Hypothetically you were making out in the woods.

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28. No, can't help you now.

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29. No. D-

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30. Dr. Johnson, we need you in surgery right away.

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31. Okay, Andy, we need to go. Seriously.

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32. Don't do it.

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33. That's okay.

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34. What?

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35. No, that's your conscience. Listen to it.

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36. So, high school.

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37. Oh, I don't smoke. Sorry.

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38. You should take up a musical instrument.

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39. Hey, uh, does Mr. Nortman still teach here? He's a jerk, right?

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40. No, nope. What else? What else? You watch The Hills? What is Heidi thinking?

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41. How old do you think I am?

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42. [shakes head]

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43. Not that I know of.

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44. I drive a Saab station wagon.

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45. Really? Way to earn it. Hey, Andy?

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46. Yup.

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47. Hey.

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48. Oh, what's this?

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49. 'Jim Halpert, tardiness.' Ugh. I love it already.

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50. Oh, I understand. And I also have lots of questions, like, what does a demerit mean?

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51. Lay it on me.

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52. Now that sounds serious.

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53. Which would be me.

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54. OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation.

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55. Oh, you don't want to know.

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56. OK, I'll call the

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57. OK.

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58. Thank you. The police are on it. They say they've already had three calls.

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59. Mm... not really, no.

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60. Question. Won't that interfere with your other task forces?

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61. Wait a second, how are you qualified for that?

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62. Why don't you run the meeting? You play with dolls.

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63. No. Thank you, though.

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64. Not really. I've seen a bathroom before.

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65. I think you mean a girl's

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66. Go crazy.

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67. Well, I stand corrected. This is pretty cool.

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68. Anna Maria's.

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69. Six-month anniversary. What?

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70. No, we've been dating for six months.

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71. Oh, right. I remember that one. She read it to me. She said she's not really ready to date somebody in the office, but she really likes you as a friend.

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72. That is pretty cool.

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73. Hey, Dwight. It's Jim.

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74. No, you're not. I'm looking right at you.

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75. Don't. I have information about the sex predator.

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76. I saw him two minutes ago.

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77. In the women's bathroom, above the sink.

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78. No. I'm not a lawyer, but I don't think this is the place to do this.

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79. That's pretty cool.

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80. Really? Not Slytherin?

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81. I know. Okay, we will be Voldemort.

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82. Vol-de-mort, Vol-de-mort ...Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort!

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83. Woah, stop, stop, stop. There's a hole. Step over the hole.

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84. Yup. Perfect, oooh, just made it. OK, turn left.

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85. Woah, stop, another hole. Take a big step. Yes!

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86. You can't say, or you can't pronounce it?

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87. What are you doing?

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88. Yeah. No. Good.

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89. Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes... ever. I thought that I might die. On beach day.

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90. Great. Yeah, I'll see you next week. Thank you, and here is Karen Filipelli. Bye.

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91. In well?

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92. How would that work in well? I just want to know.

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93. Wait a minute.

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94. If this job is in a well, I don't want it.

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95. I don't!

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96. Nope.

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97. Oh, 'cause I don't want my feet to get burned.

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98. That's harsh.

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99. And that is not the same at all. If you're going to ask other people to do it, you should do it yourself.

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100. Hey, I know what you're looking for, but um, I got to be honest, I really don't think I should be considered as your replacement.

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