Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 17)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 17 of 69

1. You wanna pull a prank on Andy?

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2. I liked you better when you were the temp.

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3. Would you like to pull a prank on Andy?

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4. Okay, good. Stay right here.

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5. Are there any messages?

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6. So weird.

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7. No.

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8. What are you talking about?

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9. You know what? Maybe it's in the ceiling.

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10. Okay.

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11. Oh my God, that's half-inch drywall.

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12. 'It's not freakin' funny!'

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13. Hey.

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14. Yes.

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15. Prima nocta, I believe from the movie Braveheart, and confirmed on wikipedia, is when the king got to deflower every new bride on her wedding night. So...

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16. Karen and I had a long talk last night and the night before that and uh, every night, for the last five nights.

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17. Hey.

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18. Ugh.

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19. Oh yeah. Why?

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20. Oh. Yeah well, I guess there's been a couple late nights. Karen and I have been up talking.

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21. Yeah, I know I should.

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22. No, I'm sure you're right.

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23. Really?

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24. Good advice Beesley. Thanks. See you out there.

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25. Absolutely not.

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26. Stop. That's disgusting.

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27. Fine.

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28. Sally.

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29. Blonde.

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30. Are you okay?

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31. Ah, gotcha. Okay, so they have Albert Einstein, Ben Franklin, or Sponge Bob Squarepants.

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32. Yep, Spongebob Squarepants.

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33. Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings. Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania.

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34. Have you ever seen a stripper before?

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35. Yeah, me neither.

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36. Hi.

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37. Oh God.

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38. Michael, Dwight would like your man meat.

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39. Really? Looks like I hired the right guy. I'm glad. Any real potential there Beesley?

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40. Damn, lost another file. Going to have to reboot. Again. Hey, Dwight, do you want an Altoid?

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41. In school, we learned about this scientist who trained dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell by feeding them whenever a bell rang. For the last couple of weeks I've been conducting a similar experiment.

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42. Dwight, want an Altoid?

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43. Altoid?

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44. Mint Dwight?

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45. What are you doing?

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46. What?

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47. So what's in the box?

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48. Those flowers are nice.

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49. Phyllis and Robert.

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50. You know what? I bet a lot of them are wedding crashers.

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51. Did you ever see that movie?

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52. You know I just wish, I wish, I had the investigative powers to smoke some of these guys out.

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53. Hey.

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54. When are we going to get to see some of those famous Beesly dance moves?

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55. Come on. Get out there. Give the people what they want.

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56. I know. It's very cute.

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57. Hypothetically, if I thought Pam was interested, then... No, it's totally hypothetical.

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58. Here's a 'not hypothetical'. I'm really happy I'm with Karen.

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59. Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen. And, uh, Brangelina is with Frangelina. Movin' on.

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60. Okay. Thanks. Animal control will be here at six.

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61. I'm sorry what did you say? So wierd...

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62. The bat, I mean, I know I felt it bite me, but look. There's no mark. I feel so... tingly... so strangely powerful... Oh well.

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63. Ow!

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64. That bread on your desk? I just picked it up. It's white hot.

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65. What? ... No. It burned me. I... bizarre.

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66. Oh, thank God. I have such a headache from that glare.

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67. The glare off Angela's crucifix? It's blinding.

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68. So... you're cool to just wait here for animal control?

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69. Cool. Okay. I'm gonna go home and lie down, draw the shades... there's just so much sun in here... bye Dwight.

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70. OK, here we go... Digest of business terms, CliffsNotes on business economics, and a sales encyclopedia.

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71. Those are the books that sum up the other books.

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72. What are you reading?

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73. Oh, that could be interesting.

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74. I am ready.

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75. Five.

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76. Hmm... Five.

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77. Yeah.

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78. No, I got it.

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79. Sorry, quick thing. Is it true that if you can't get out, you don't want anyone to help you?

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80. Another worm? Like, are they friends?

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81. Oh no thanks, I think Karen and I will take my car.

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82. Yeah.

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83. Thanks.

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84. Oh. Um. I think we're good.

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85. Yeah.

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86. Why don't I wanna go? Didn't expect to need a reason, so let me think here. Um. I don't know any of these people. It's an obligation. I don't like talking paper in my free time, or in my work time. And, did I use the word pointless?

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87. Yep.

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88. Oh, ok. Cool. Thanks for telling me.

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89. Gotcha. Alright.

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90. Well, it was nice meeting you guys. Take care.

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91. Oh. Hadn't noticed.

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92. No, it was before I knew you so, its fine.

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93. Oh.

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94. You stay here and have fun, because I'm going to go out back and shoot hoops with David Wallace.

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95. Wallace? What the hell, have you dated like every guy here? Wow. Ok. You got me.

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96. So, none of them?

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97. Really?

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98. Ok.

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99. I don't know. Where to begin? My ball.

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100. Ok, so promise that you'll wait till we leave the parking lot before you go to the bar.

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