Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 16)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 16 of 69

1. And she's trying to correctly butcher a goose, but she's having trouble coming up with it.

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2. Oh no, this is different. The CIA thing, that was a prank on Dwight. This is more like a umm... OK, it's pretty much the same thing.

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3. I'm sure they'll want to meet her, too.

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4. All right

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5. What a horrible, horrible movie that was.

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6. Thank you.

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7. No. She wasn't.

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8. Well, for starters, I've known you as a couple since the beginning of the relationship, which was approximately three hours ago.

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9. Sorry.

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10. You what?

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11. Yeah.

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12. You just had a rebound.

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13. Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but, when it's over, you're left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart.

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14. Oh, you know what? Sorry, forgot to tell you. I intercepted a transmission earlier and it seems that the CIA is gonna need Dwight down at their headquarters in Langley for training and an ice cream social with the other agents.

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15. Oh no, that would be great.

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16. Hmm... Well, maybe the CIA can send a helicopter?

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17. So, really, you're just calling her?

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18. All right, let's get started. Umm... Oh, first off, we're supposed to be pushing cardstock this week. So... let's push cardstock this week. Uh, also... what is this?

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19. For what?

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20. OK. Uh, Karen, any news from that law firm?

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21. Oh my God, Dwight, what're you doing?

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22. You're not allowed to take off your pants in the middle of the office.

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23. Dwight, you know what, just back up, okay, that's making me uncomfortable. This is sexual harassment, by the way. Oh my God! He's got a knife!

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24. No, let the record show that Dwight K. Schrute is now completely nude and is holding a plastic knife to Stanley's neck?!

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25. Dwight Schrute is now wearing a baby's bonnet.

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26. Oh my God, Karen, you're right, that is Animal from the Muppet Babies.

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27. You want to talk about it?

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28. Yep, it's English, it's 'impossible.'

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29. Yikes.

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30. Fantastic.

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31. Hey.

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32. Yeah.

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33. Yeah. Yes. Um, I'm just in this, like, stupid fight with Karen.

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34. Really?

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35. So, I dunno, I just feel likes we've been dating a month, right? Same street. I think that might be a little close. A little much.

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36. Hmm, what?

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37. Yeah, I guess.

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38. Hey, thanks a lot.

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39. Oh, yeah, How have we not talked about this already? I mean what happened there? Kidnapping?

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40. Urkel Grue.

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41. Uh, I think you dropped this

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42. Definitely.

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43. Are you stoned?

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44. In the picture, are you high?

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45. Is that not what happens when you're high?

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46. Oh, loves it.

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47. Green walls.

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48. Ooh... fancy.

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49. Nice.

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50. Okay.

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51. Hello.

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52. Yeah, you can.

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53. For this?

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54. Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend.

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55. Oh well, 'Yoy' should bring in 'Long Tim' in one day. Shouldn't he?

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56. Yeah. Right?

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57. Ok.

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58. Yup. I'll trade.

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59. Dwight and I used to go on sales calls all the time. In fact, I have a picture to remember that time. Oh young Jim. There is just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot.

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60. Seriously? You're going to sit in the back?

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61. You still do that thing?

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62. After you sir.

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63. Ok, well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I will attack you from the front.

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64. We can offer our biggest discounts on 30% recycled and ultra-premium laser.

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65. Let me talk to you about a few of the other things we can offer. Namely, we know the tax season is coming up, so by April 1st we can have you fully stocked.

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66. We have discount prices on ink cartridges...

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67. And, also, any forms that you are going to need...

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68. We can custom make them.

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69. Sure, that's true we can't compete with their prices. But let me ask you something. How important to you is customer service?

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70. And this is Dunder-Mifflin.

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71. Hey, Kelly, it's Jim.

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72. Thanks.

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73. Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence.

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74. We should go on a double date.

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75. Sure. Look at you!

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76. Beesley, coffee?

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77. All right.

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78. Yeah.

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79. No way! All right Pam. Congratulations.

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80. Which one was it?

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81. Cool.

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82. Oh

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83. Yeah. Can I see it when I get back?

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84. Congratulations.

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85. Big deal.

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86. Ok.

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87. Pam? Did I ever have a 'thing' for her? No, why? Did she say something?

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88. Yeah. Ok, here's the ... I had a crush on her before I left. And I told her about it and she didn't feel the same way. So, it didn't amount to anything, and I left. I'm really glad you're here. 'Kay?

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89. Hey man.

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90. Is that you singing?

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91. Nice job.

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92. You gonna answer it?

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93. Yikes.

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94. Thank you.

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95. I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.

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96. Hey.

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97. So Andy is in rare form today.

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98. Encourage him? I'm the victim, okay? He's fishing for me. We've got to do something.

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99. Fine. Party pooper.

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100. Hey, Ryan?

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