Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 12)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 12 of 69

1. [telephone ringing]

   Season 2 · Episode 20 · Line 8753

2. Yeah, I mean it's inevitable. I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but I'm fine with it. She hears me arranging my social life. And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out.

   Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8776

3. Dwight tried to kiss me.

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4. And I didn't tell anyone because I'm not really sure how I feel about it.

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5. Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.

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6. Well, it was redacted. Look, if she wants an invite, maybe she's just trying to be friends.

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7. Well, what does Roy think about everything?

   Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8913

8. You mean your thoughts and feelings?

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9. Yeah...

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10. Hey... you know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo I.D. taken together.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8927

11. Well, it saves time, you know. 'Cause we could just meet in the parking lot every morning. Walk in together. Perfect.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8929

12. This came out really well. There you go.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8933

13. Oh.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8935

14. What did I write?

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8937

15. Yes! Five bucks each. And it was totally worth it.

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16. That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight, and then I just... took 'em all out.

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17. Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though.

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18. Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8977

19. Maybe Stanford would be cool.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8979

20. Yeah. Maybe we should both go.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8981

21. Sure you do, Dwight. Sure.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8983

22. No, Pam.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9010

23. Pam, it wasn't her.

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24. I'm the one who complained about you.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9014

25. I... I didn't know that Toby was gonna write it down. I was just venting.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9015

26. You know, it was one day.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9017

27. And I took it right back. It was like...

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9019

28. Hey, Pam... it's Jim. Um, I have a doctor's appointment in the city. So I probably won't be in till the late afternoon. Just thought I'd let you know. Okay, bye.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9026

29. Oh, thanks.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9028

30. I don't know.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9031

31. Dwight, I really think someone's probably just playing a prank on you, so just go right through it.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9033

32. Probably is.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9035

33. Just cut through it, man, it's no big deal.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9039

34. That is not why. Wow, man, he really wants to get in touch with you. Maybe it's a murder.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9041

35. Maybe poison?

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9043

36. My God!

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9045

37. Not bad.

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9061

38. What does Level Red mean?

    Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 9063

39. Excuse me. How long is the wait for a table for two?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9079

40. I can always kind of win at roulette.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9086

41. Yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9088

42. Mind control.

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43. Ever since I was a little kid, like, eight or nine, I could sort of control things with my mind.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9092

44. It was just little thing, you know, like I could make something shake or I could make a marble fall off the counter. You know, just little things.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9094

45. Okay, I'll try.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9096

46. That doesn't exist anymore.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9122

47. I think you mean the aid to Afghanistan.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9134

48. Guys, the Afghanistananies.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9145

49. What are you doing?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9148

50. Till Death Do Us Rock.'

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9150

51. Oh.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9152

52. Wait, wait, where you going? I mean, even if you don't hire a band, you still have to watch the bands. Pam, these are people who have never given up on their dreams. I have great respect for that. And, yes, they're all probably very bad and that will make me feel better about not having dreams.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9154

53. Let's do it.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9156

54. Why did I talk to Jan about transferring? Well, you know... I have no future here.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9158

55. Wow. I don't know how you're gonna decide. They are all extremely good.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9178

56. Yes.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9180

57. Your mom would love that. She would. Oh, this band is called Scrantonicity.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9182

58. Let's take a look. Nice.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9184

59. What?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9186

60. Oh, my God, that's Kevin! Great song, Kev. Oh, my God, he's the drummer and the singer.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9188

61. Wow. Oh!

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9190

62. Yeah, you haven't seen that since 1983. That is amazing. Okay, we have to sign him. I'm gonna call the label, we're gonna...

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9192

63. No, Pam, you're gonna lose him to another wedding.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9194

64. Kev!

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9196

65. I will raise. Thanks.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9293

66. It's the weirdest thing. Every time I cough, he folds.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9294

67. Yeah, right.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9327

68. What was this?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9329

69. Really?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9331

70. Wow. I think you're bluffing.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9333

71. Oh. Three nines.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9336

72. Thank you very much. It was fun.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9338

73. So, that's still going on, huh? You and Kelly?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9347

74. No, thanks. You having fun?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9388

75. Yeah, we all really...

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9390

76. Well, I think you look great.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9392

77. Yeah, why did you?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9394

78. Oh, yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9396

79. No.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9398

80. Okay, will do.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9407

81. Hey, how's it going?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9410

82. Yeah. Hey, can I talk to you about something?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9412

83. No, I...

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9414

84. I was just... I'm in love with you.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9416

85. I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that. I just...

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9418

86. I just needed you to know. Once.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9420

87. Yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9422

88. Don't do that.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9424

89. Come on. I don't wanna do that. I wanna be

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9426

90. Not your fault. I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9428

91. My charity is the Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's Department, because Dwight's a Volunteer Sheriff. So I thought this was a perfect opportunity to support/mock him.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9473

92. You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9490

93. No I'm not drunk. Are you drunk?

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9492

94. Are you really gonna marry him? ...Ok.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9494

95. I can't say whether Dunder Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but I can assure that it is certainly not more flammable.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9516

96. Why did I transfer to Stamford? I think that's pretty obvious. I got promoted! And you can't beat that view... right?

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9517

97. Uh-huh, yeah. I am.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9519

98. OooOK.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9521

99. I ate a tuna sandwich, on my first day. So, Andy started calling me Big Tuna. ...I don't think any of them actually know my real name.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9523

100. Oh, I can do that.

     Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9526