Jim Halpert Quotes from The Office (page 11)

Salesman, prank enthusiast, permanent camera confidant.

6,816 quotes · page 11 of 69

1. I'm going to take a trip. I'm going to get out of town for a while... and go someplace... not here.

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2. Where do I want to go? Um... that is an excellent question. And one I should have probably thought about before I called you. Um...

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3. Can I go?

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4. So. Uh... I am going on a trip. But not really sure where I'm going yet. It's kind of open-ended. So I was hoping maybe you guys would have some suggestions?

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5. What is that?

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6. I was thinking more like Europe. Or something like that. But, good second choice.

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7. When did you go there?

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8. Really for like how long?

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9. Where do I want to go?

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10. No. We're not.

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11. Which means absolutely nothing.

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12. Dwight. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go?

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13. Okay. Just trying to get some advice on my trip.

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14. You know I majored in Public Speaking in College.

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15. Mmmhmm. And the first thing they teach you is that you've got to be true to your self. And you are all about authority.

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16. The great speakers throughout history were not joke tellers. They were people of passion. So if you want to do well today, you got to do what they did.

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17. You've got to wave your arms and you've got to pound your fists. Many times. It's supposed to emphasize your point.

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18. Ok, I didn't actually major in Public Speaking. But, I did download speeches from some of history's famous dictators. Like this one. Originally given by Benito Mussolini.

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19. Ok, look. I know you are giving this speech on your own

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20. Maybe. Thanks.

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21. Yeah. I'm definitely going.

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22. I'm going. I'm a little nervous to run into Dwight on his connecting flight to Mordor. But, other than that... um, yeah, I bought the ticket, non-refundable.

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23. I don't know. I feel like I have plenty of time to figure out the details but...

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24. I'm... leaving on June 8th.

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25. Yeah. And I'm really sorry about that, I just...

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26. Yeah. Do you want me to take these on my way out?

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27. Alright.

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28. Goggles?

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29. Bribery. Nice.

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30. The ocean.

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31. What are you reading?

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32. Aww, best book?

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33. Pfft. So have I. Hey, question. If you had to spend a night in the Met or the Aquarium, which would it be?

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34. Definitely. Yes. Glad you said that. ...You don't want to help me with some of my sales, do you? 'Cause, I'm kind of swamped.

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35. Really?

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36. Yesss. And you're Abby, right?

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37. I'm Jim. Annnnd... let's sell some paper.

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38. Let's start with... your mom.

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39. Ow, ow, ow, ow, you broke my hand.

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40. Really? 'Cause she's pretty strong, Dwight.

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41. That's pretty funny.

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42. Can't believe his mom dressed him like that, that's the real tragedy.

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43. Ohh, man, I would love to! I can't tonight, but can I come over some other time?

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44. Thanks, Kev. Uhm... I'm actually going on a date.

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45. Why does he own a guitar if he doesn't know how to play?

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46. I'm pretty excited about today. I baby-sit Toby's daughter Sasha sometimes. So, she's the coolest kid. She has seen me play with dolls, though, so I don't know how cool she thinks I am.

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47. Hey, Abby. I wanted to give you this for all your hard work today. Look. Michael signed it and everything. Official.

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48. Absolutely.

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49. Actually, I have the certification number right here.

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50. Yup.

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51. All right.

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52. A7557962.' Totally nonsense numbers, but you do what you have to do.

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53. No, um. How is this not a pyramid scheme?

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54. Hey. ...Oh, happy birthday.

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55. Man, I'm so sorry. When do you find out?

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56. Oh, okay.

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57. Kelly, you know what...

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58. Sometime today.

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59. Maybe, but... we're gonna need somebody to create a diversion, and...

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60. So. We got Kev some stuff. Um... a party pack of M&M's, his favorite candy. A DVD of American Pie 2, which is his favorite movie, and, he lent it to Creed, so, I can guarantee you he won't get that back.

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61. Which we realize sounds crass, but, it... is his favorite number.

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62. ...What?

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63. Yeah, you don't?

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64. ...Okay.

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65. Yeah. Okay. Oh. I dare you to make an announcement.

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66. Just... quit stalling.

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67. Such a dork.

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68. How old are you?

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69. Well that's an invasion of privacy, so, I'm going to tell Michael.

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70. You... owe me.

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71. Think you can let go?

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72. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.

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73. Is that Michael?

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74. ...It's something to think about.

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75. Michael's birthday. It's pretty fun to watch, actually. He gets very excited, and then he eats a lot of cake. And then he runs around the office. Then he has a sugar crash in the afternoon. And then he falls asleep. And that's when we get our work done.

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76. You look cute today, Dwight.

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77. So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. Which is unfortunate because as it turns out, Dwight

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78. I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip.

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79. Whoa. You are a volunteer.

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80. And that's not the same.

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81. Volunteer duty.

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82. Well, your office is behind you.

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83. I'm just saying that you can't be sure that is wasn't you.

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84. Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember.

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85. Well, how could you, if it just erased your memory?

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86. Now how do you know how it works?

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87. No! You said that I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now exactly how much pot did you smoke?

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88. Oh, um...Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me?

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89. Oh, hey Stanley. Uh, I was just doing an impression.

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90. Oh...

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91. C'mon!

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92. [presses drink button, looks at camera, makes Jim-face]

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93. Hi.

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94. How much time do you have left on your break?

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95. Wow. What a terrible day to not be able to talk. Dwight was literally carrying around his own urine and dressed like one of the Village People. Why does he do the things that he does for Michael? I just don't get it. What is he getting out of that relationship?

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96. Nice.

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97. Yeah.

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98. Um,

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99. Whoa.

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100. Yeah.

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