Pam

She has a boyfriend. He's out of town.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31887

Kevin

Cool.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31888

Ryan

I was the youngest VP in the company history.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31889

Meredith

More recently, he worked in a bowling alley. Tell her one of your funny bowling alley stories.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31890

Ryan

Um... also--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31891

Andy

How did Meredith get put at the young people's table?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31892

Kevin

She probably switched cards with someone. Like I did with Erin.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31893

Andy

What? You're kid-- That's-- You're--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31894

Isabel

Jim and Pam, I can't tell you how happy I am to be here.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31895

Michael

Head table, where I belong.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31896

Dwight

It's just for family.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31897

Michael

Well, who's that one?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31898

Dwight

Isabel Poreba. Oh, I've got stuff on her. In 1996 her tenth grade volleyball team went 10-2.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31899

Michael

What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31900

Dwight

That's a very good record.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31901

Pete

Alright, so I'll be like, 'You're so sweet guys and so kind'.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31902

Tom

That's when I'll do the face, like-

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31903

Pete

Like, 'What? What?'. And then we'll just give him a little punch in the back and--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31904

Tom

A noogie?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31905

Pete

You know what? Never too married for a noogie.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31906

Michael

They have hilarious material and they are going to totally deliver it wrong. I would kill with the brother stuff. It should be me... up there. It should be me and Pete. Not Pete and Tom.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31907

Tom

Pam, you've got the greatest smile and your body is really fine.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31908

Pete

Smoking.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31909

Tom

Hoping it'll make our wives take it up a notch.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31910

Pete

A little mo' cardio.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31911

Michael

That's not appropriate. Hello. Hi, everybody. I promised I wasn't gonna make a toast and I'm not going to. Just going to do a little free standing comedy and if at the end everybody wants to raise their glasses to Pam and Jim, then so be it. Hey, what is the deal with the Smart Car? How smart is that? Those things are tiny. Can you even drive them in traffic? 'I'm so smart. E=mc... squared. I drive a Smart Car.' That's not smart in my book. The real smart car is Kitt from Knight Rider.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31912

Dwight

Knight Rider.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31913

Michael

That's a car that can talk. Can Smart Car talk? Nope.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31914

Dwight

No.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31915

Michael

That's not smart. And also, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31916

Dwight

Very smart.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31917

Michael

And... you... everybody can laugh. It doesn't have to just be the idiots. Everybody can laugh.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31918

Jim

No.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31919

Michael

Yeah. Go ahead.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31920

Jim

Alright. Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31921

Pete

Douche.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31922

Jim

Aw, thanks, Pete. That was really nice. I just want to say how happy we are that all of you are here tonight. And I want to especially thank those of you who traveled from far away to be here with us tonight... especially the Florida cousins who, obviously, can't take a hint. Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do... which was just to wait. Uh, don't get me wrong. I flirted with her. Pam, I can now admit in front of my friends and family that I do know how to make a photo copy. Didn't need your help that many times. And do you remember how long it took you to teach me how to drive a stick?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31923

Pam

Like... a year.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31924

Jim

I've been driving stick since high school. So... yes. For a really long time that's all I had. I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think even then I knew that... I was waiting for my wife. So... I would like to propose a toast. So if you'd all raise your glasses. Not Pam, for obvious reasons, but everyone else. If you would raise your glasses--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31925

Meemaw

What's obvious? Why can't Pam drink?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31926

Jim

Pam can't drink? I didn't-- I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why I did. She can do whatever she wants, though she shouldn't. She shouldn't because she's an alcoholic. Pam is an alcoholic. That's not true. I-- no. What we want-- the real reason is that, that Pam's pregnant.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31927

Michael

Ok. Ok. Hey. What I think Jim is trying to say is that... they had an accident and you know what? These two people, they're living together, they're having lots of consentual sex--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31928

Meemaw

They were living together?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31929

Michael

Yes. Yes they were living together. Yes and you know what? You can't expect them to be careful every time. Because, frankly, it's just a different sensation.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31930

Jim

Michael.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31931

Michael

When you c-- well? Am I wrong? They say it's not different, but it's a different sensation.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31932

Jim

Oh, my God. Please.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31933

Michael

When you use something to block-- I think everybody knows what I am talking about. It's not necessarily different for the woman--

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31934

Pam

Michael.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31935

Michael

...but it's different for the-- ok. Ok.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31936

Pam

Michael. Stop.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31937

Michael

Alright. My point is I said what I wanted to say and Meemaw, I hope you heard every word.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31938

Jim

Alright.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31939

Michael

Jim.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31940

Jim

To waiting.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31941

Everyone

To waiting.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31942

Meemaw

I should have known. The hotels television set had a movie on called 'Bruno' last night. The remote control had so darn many buttons on it, I couldn't turn it off. So I had to just sit there while it happened to me. I wondered, 'How could they pick such a hotel?' Hmmm. Now I know.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31943

Pam

Meemaw.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31944

Michael

That was a little touch and go at first but I think we saved it.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31945

Jim

I can't believe it was me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31946

Michael

I know. I can't believe it was you, either. I actually think it takes a lot of pressure off of me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31947

Jim

Is there something about being a manager that makes you say stupid things?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31948

Michael

I have not found that to be the case.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31949

Pam

Hey, smooth guys.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31950

Jim

I'm so sorry.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31951

Michael

Can you believe it? He screwed up, not me.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31952

Pam

Meemaw's not coming to the wedding. She's leaving tomorrow morning.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31953

Jim

Oh, my God. Are you serious?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31954

Michael

There's gonna be a free room?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31955

Michael

Hi, Meemaw. It's Michael.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31956

Meemaw

Oh. You're that foul guy that kept talking about intercourse.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31957

Michael

Yes. Yep. One in the same. May I?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31958

Michael

I am actually great with old women. In fact, for the longest time, my best friend was my grandma... and then she met Harriet and now she thinks she's better than everybody.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31959

Meemaw

I want to go to bed but I can't. I can't turn that television off.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31960

Michael

Oh. Ok. Well... hook you up, there.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31961

Meemaw

Oh. Thank you.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31962

Michael

You're welcome.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31963

Meemaw

It was that horrible Charlie Rose.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31964

Michael

Oh. Isn't he terrible? May I? Here's the thing. Umm... Meemaw, I think you just need to chill out about this whole Pam getting pregnant thing. It's not 1890 anymore. It's modern day. And women have sex before marriage and I think we need to celebrate that. And I know in your day she would be considered a whore but, now, women go out and they have sex and they get wild and they take their tops off and they have pictures taken of them and we need to encouage them. That's part of life.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31965

Meemaw

People are like cats and dogs these days.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31966

Michael

Exactly.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31967

Meemaw

This used to be such a great country.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31968

Michael

I know.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31969

Meemaw

I don't know what happened to it.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31970

Michael

They're gonna name the baby after you, you know. They're gonna call it Meemaw.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31971

Meemaw

You mean, Sylvia.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31972

Michael

Yes, and if it's a boy they will call it Sylvio.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31973

Andy

Partay. Room 639.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31974

Kevin

Yes!

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31975

Andy

Chicks are gonna be off the hook. Guys, too, Oscar. Like Calvin Klein models.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31976

Kevin

That sounds epic. Can we bring anything?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31977

Andy

Nothing. Except $40 for beer and any hot chicks you know. 'Cause that would help me deliver on some promises I made. Woo!

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31978

Andy

No one from the office has been to a real Bernard throw down.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31979

Andy

If I was girl, I would seriously reconsdier coming to this party. But don't tell anyone that I said that, 'cause I want them to come.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31980

Angela

And where do you think you're going?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31981

Pam

I was just going to go down to the hotel bar for a little bit.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31982

Angela

Well, why don't I just save you some time and kick you in the stomach instead?

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31983

Pam

I just wanted to get out of my room for a little while.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31984

Angela

Mmm-hmm. Ok. I'll go with you. Come on.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31985

Pam

Nevermind.

Season 6 · Episode 4 · Line 31986

"Niagara" Quotes (page 3)