Every line from The Office season 6, episode 16, in script order. First aired March 4, 2010.
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Jim
How are we doing on contractions?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35596
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Michael
Two minutes apart.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35597
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Jim
Two minutes...
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35598
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Pam
Oh, God. Oh, no.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35599
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Jim
Michael, I told you.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35600
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Michael
It's okay.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35601
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Jim
No, I told you to warn me at five minutes.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35602
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Pam
Jim, we waited too long!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35603
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Michael
I know, I know, I know. It went by too soon.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35604
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Jim
We waited too long! Two minutes doesn't do us any good. Well, what happened to four and three minutes?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35605
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Michael
We're okay, Jim! Okay, Pamela. You know what time it is?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35606
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Pam
I don't want to have my baby here.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35607
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Michael
You're not going to. You know where you're going?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35608
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Pam
The hospital.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35609
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Michael
Yes, you are. And you know what you're going to have?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35610
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Pam
A baby.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35611
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Michael
Yes! We're going to the hospital and we're going to have a baby.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35612
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Michael
I got it! I got it! Everybody it's go time! At your stations. Stanley, man the phones. Meredith, please, get bottled water. Erin, call an ambulance, please!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35613
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Dwight
No, no, no. Ambulances are emergencies only. You call an ambulance, I call the cops.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35614
-
Jim
Alright, we're driving ourselves, actually.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35615
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Michael
No, Jim, you are in no condition to drive. I will drive you. Check! Got it.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35616
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Jim
Alright, I have my wallet.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35617
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Michael
Yes.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35618
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Jim
Go bag's in the car... Keys, my keys, where's my keys?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35619
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Michael
Go bag! Where's my go bag? Where's my go bag?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35620
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Erin
There's nothing in it.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35621
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Michael
You are telling me now that there is nothing in it. Okay, great! Oh, hey, hey, um, should I bring a dictionary to the hospital?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35622
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Oscar
The hospital provides dictionaries, bring a thesaurus!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35623
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Dwight
Has anyone checked how dilated she is? This is ridiculous!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35624
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Pam
Dwight, get away!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35625
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Michael
No, no, no. Dwight, let Jim do that, please.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35626
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Erin
I didn't know we had a tape measure.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35627
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Dwight
'We' don't.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35628
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Jim
Okay, I can't find my keys! I cannot find my keys! Found 'em. They're here.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35629
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Dwight, Jim and Michael
Here we go!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35630
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Phyllis
Good luck!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35631
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Nick
Good luck, Pam!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35632
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Michael
Thank you! Wish me luck!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35633
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Creed
Have fun!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35634
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Meredith
Hey, it's 5:00!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35635
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Michael
Here we go! Here we go! On our way!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35636
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Stanley
Hold it!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35637
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Michael
Come on, Stanley! Okay. We're going now!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35638
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Toby
Oh, one more!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35639
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Michael
No, no, no, no! Out, out! Idiot.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35640
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Michael
Dwight, what is the traffic like?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35641
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Dwight
Doesn't matter. I'll escort you!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35642
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Michael
Alright.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35643
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Dwight
Let's go!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35644
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Michael
Geesh, Dwight!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35645
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Dwight
Michael!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35646
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Michael
What!?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35647
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Dwight
This is where I saw that deer last week.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35648
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Michael
Where?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35649
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Dwight
Right over by that fence.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35650
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Michael
By the bushes?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35651
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Jim
Okay, Michael! Focus!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35652
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Michael
Okay, go, go, go, go!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35653
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Dwight
Let's go!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35654
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Dwight
I love escorting people. In fact, a few years back, I put an ad in the paper starting an escort service. I got a lot of responses. Mostly creeps. Made a few friends.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35655
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Jim
Alright, here we go! You're doing great! She'll be here soon.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35656
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Michael
Okay, just breathe... She? You found out? Come on, guys. I wanted to be surprised.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35657
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Pam
Michael!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35658
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Michael
Yeah?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35659
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Pam
Stop texting, put your phone away! Come on.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35660
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Jim
Michael, come on!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35661
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Michael
I'm texting about you, okay!?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35662
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Dwight
Ugh, alright. Let's move! ... What?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35663
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Policeman
Pull over!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35664
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Dwight
Are you kidding me?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35665
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Policeman
Pull over! You're not allowed to impersonate a police officer! Don't make this difficult, Dwight!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35666
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Pam
Wait, wait. My iPod's not in here!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35667
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Jim
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35668
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Pam
It has the birth song on it!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35669
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Jim
Okay. I know, I know. But my iPod is in the go bag. We'll be fine.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35670
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Pam
Jim, I don't want the first thing the baby hears to be the 8 Mile soundtrack.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35671
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Jim
Okay, so what do you want to do?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35672
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Pam
I don't know! Let's go by the house and get it. It's only twenty minutes past the hospital!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35673
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Jim
Pam, no! Are you nuts? We're going to the hospital now.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35674
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Michael
Guys, guys! Stop fighting, come on. Come on. Do you want your kid to come out a lawyer? Right? Okay, you know what? I am all over this. Here we go. Ready?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35675
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Dwight
Dwight Schrute.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35676
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Michael
Hello, Dwight. Pam left her iPod at her house. I want you to swing by, pick it up, and bring it to the hospital. We need it yesterday.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35677
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Dwight
Why didn't you ask me to do it yesterday? I kept IM'ing you how bored I was.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35678
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Michael
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35679
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Pam
Dwight! Go to my house. Get my iPod. I think it's on the kitchen table. Do not touch anything else. The key is under...
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35680
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Dwight
I don't need a key.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35681
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Pam
Okay, Dwight, but if you do need a key, just listen it's under the...
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35682
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Dwight
No, no, don't, don't tell me. Alalalalalalalalalala lalalalalala alalalalalalalala.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35683
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Pam
Dwight just listen! It's underneath...
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35684
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Michael
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35685
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Jim
Wait, you alright?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35686
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Pam
Yes.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35687
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Michael
Do you have everything, guys?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35688
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Jim
Michael, just go park the car.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35689
-
Michael
Okay, alright.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35690
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Hospital employee
Sir! You can't park here!
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35691
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Michael
Dunder-Mifflin. It's okay. I just did.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35692
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Jim
Pam's doing great. Uh, she's ten inches dilated now. Uh, sorry, meters. Centimeters. And she's also fully faced. Which I don't know what that is, uh, but no baby yet. It's only been six, uh, nineteen hours, and uh, I just went out for some ice chips because I might have passed out a little bit, but these are very refreshing, very good.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35693
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Nurse
Daddy? She's ready to push.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35694
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Jim
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35695