Every line from The Office season 6, episode 16, in script order. First aired March 4, 2010.
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Pam
Jim, please. Happy thoughts here. Happy times.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35496
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Michael
Yeah, happy times. Come on. Let's have happy times.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35497
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Jim
Alright.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35498
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Michael
Jim, as a matter of fact, I have printed out ten ways to induce labor. And I'm thinking we just do the opposite of those things and we can slow down your labor. Erin, read the first one.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35499
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Erin
Um, stimulate the nipples.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35500
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Michael
Okay, nobody touch Pam's nipples. Think of Pam's nipples as Toby's grundle.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35501
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Kevin
Her shirt is touching them. Maybe we should cut holes in her shirt.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35502
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Meredith
I have a shirt like that in my car.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35503
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Michael
Okay, yeah, why don't you go get it?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35504
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Erin
Okay, uh, the second one is walk around. We're already doing the opposite of that. Perfect. Okay, number three, eat spicy foods.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35505
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Michael
Okay, the opposite of that?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35506
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Kevin
Stick spicy food up her butt.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35507
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Jim
Nope, nope, nope, nope. Come on, let's go to the hospital. Pam, let's go to the hospital right now.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35508
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Pam
Jim, Jim, honey, I love you, but you're really distracting me from my distractions.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35509
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Jim
Mm-hmm. Okay, great. Well, sorry.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35510
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Pam
Why don't you go do some work?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35511
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Jim
Great. I will do that. Sorry, Pam, I just feel a little bit frazzled. And you know how very rarely I use that word. Frazzled.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35512
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Pam
I know, you don't like to be frazzled.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35513
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Jim
No, I don't.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35514
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Pam
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35515
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Jim
Oh, and by the way, hate that you're helping her with this right now. Totally.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35516
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Michael
Ooh, someone's freakin'.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35517
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Andy
A little frazzled.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35518
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Michael
I think he is.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35519
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Jim
I know Pam better than anyone in this office, and obviously she's gone crazy, but everybody wants to say that I'm crazy. But I'm not crazy, she's crazy. I'm not crazy, she's crazy. Five to seven minutes. Five to seven minutes. Six minutes. Different, but not really. Five to seven minutes.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35520
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Dwight
Acceptable names include and are limited to: Ebenezer.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35521
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Angela
Jedediah.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35522
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Dwight
Jonas.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35523
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Angela
Jedediah.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35524
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Dwight
Warf.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35525
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Angela
No Star Trek names.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35526
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Dwight
Okay. Fine.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35527
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Angela
What if it's a girl?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35528
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Dwight
Irrelevant question. Section 5A, child shall be male.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35529
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Angela
Hey. Uh-uh. I cannot control that. You can't put that in here.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35530
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Dwight
Yes you can.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35531
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Angela
No.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35532
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Dwight
It's as simple as keeping the womb extremely warm for two days after sex, and then extremely cold for five months.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35533
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Angela
Absolutely not.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35534
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Jim
Hey.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35535
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Pam
Hey. I'm not going to get in the car, because I know if I do you'll try to drive me to the hospital.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35536
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Jim
Ah, you know me too well.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35537
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Pam
Okay, Jim.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35538
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Jim
Yeah? ... Oh.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35539
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Pam
Everything is fine. You don't have to worry. Try not to think about it. She's not coming out for a while, okay?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35540
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Jim
Did you say 'she?'
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35541
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Pam
I called the doctor like a week ago. I couldn't wait... Oh, God, don't be mad.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35542
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Jim
Mad? How could I be mad? We're having a little girl.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35543
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Pam
Mm-hmm.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35544
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Jim
Wow, we're having a little girl. Oh, man.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35545
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Pam
I know.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35546
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Jim
Woo, alright. Well, I definitely feel better.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35547
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Pam
Good.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35548
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35549
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Pam
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35550
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Jim
Alright... Hey, did you change?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35551
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Pam
Oh, yeah, my water broke.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35552
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Jim
Oh. Oh...
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35553
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Pam
Oh, whoa. Ha. Wow.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35554
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Michael
Pam, Pam! Okay, alright, okay, it's time. Time to go to the hospital. Somebody get Jim, please! Is it midnight yet?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35555
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Phyllis
No, it's 4:35.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35556
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Michael
4:35. Alright, almost made it. Almost made it. Too bad you didn't have sex like seven and a half hours later. But you had to have the afternoon delight. I understand. Sometimes you have to go for it. Let's go to the hospital, shall we?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35557
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Pam
No, not yet, Michael.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35558
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Michael
We can do...
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35559
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Pam
Oh, wow, it's almost time for ultra feast! Where's Kevin?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35560
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Michael
Oh. What? You want to eat cat food with Kevin and not go to the hospital?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35561
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Oscar
That's fancy feast. Ultra feast is something they made up so they can pig out together in the name of ceremony.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35562
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Michael
What is October feast?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35563
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Pam
There is no rush to get to the hospital. I am fine. I'll get there. And if I don't get there, I don't get there.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35564
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Kevin
Our ultra feast menu's theme: Hollywood. We have Ratatouille, from Ratatouille, and tandoori chicken, from Born Into Brothels. I tried to bake a cake like that District 9 prawn thing, but I... Are you okay?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35565
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Pam
Mm-hmm. Yes, I'm fine. Um, yeah, the doctor said it's still considered a minor contraction as long as I can talk through it.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35566
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Michael
Okay, okay, Jim. I think this feast is over and it's time to go to the hospital.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35567
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Jim
Alright. Time to go. Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35568
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Michael
That's right, let's do this.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35569
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Jim
Let's give it a shot.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35570
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Pam
Nope. No, no, that's better. That wasn't even the worst of them. I'm fine.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35571
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Jim
Hey, come on. Let's go to the hospital.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35572
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Pam
They're not that bad still, babe.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35573
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Jim
Pam, Pam, it's time. Let's go to the hospital.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35574
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Pam
No, it's passing, it's fine. It's okay.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35575
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Jim
Come on, Michael says we should go now.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35576
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Michael
Let's go, Pam. Yeah, I think we should head out.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35577
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Pam
No, it's passing, it's fine.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35578
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Jim
Pam.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35579
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Pam
Ah, no, it passed. It's good.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35580
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Jim
You know what? Let's go. We got to go to the hospital.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35581
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Pam
Okay, I'm not going. I'm not... It's fine. Okay, come on, come on. No! I am not going! I am not going, okay!? I'm not going today because I can't do it, I don't think I can do it.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35582
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Jim
Hey, are you kidding me?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35583
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Michael
Are you kidding?
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35584
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Jim
If anyone can do this, you can do this.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35585
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Michael
You can do this. You can do this.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35586
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Jim
Pam, I'm scared. I'm real scared.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35587
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Michael
I'm scared, too.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35588
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Kevin
I'm petrified.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35589
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Jim
The best news is, we're going to have a baby today.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35590
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35591
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Jim
A really awesome baby.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35592
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Michael
We're going to have a baby.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35593
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Jim
So let's have it at the hospital.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35594
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Michael
Let's do that.
Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35595