Every quote from The Office season 5, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 25, 2008.
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Jim
I know. I suck.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23014
-
Dwight
Yes, you do.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23015
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Jim
Dwight says 'Hi.'
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23016
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Dwight
I do not! I do not say 'Hi' Pam!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23017
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Jim
Now he is saying 'Hi' louder.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23018
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Pam
I... listen, umm, we're still good for this weekend, right?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23019
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Jim
Umm...
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23020
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Pam
No football games, recitals, karate tournaments.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23021
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Jim
Hey, can you go to IM?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23022
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Pam
OK.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23023
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Jim
OK.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23024
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JIM9334 [screen name]
Let's meet for lunch.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23025
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Dwight
What are you writing about me?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23026
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Receptionitis15 [screen name]
What -- today?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23027
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JIM9334
Yeah. C'mon we'll meet halfway. You'll be back for your 4 o'clock class.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23028
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Dwight
I'm gonna write you both up for not working.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23029
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Jim
I'm gonna write you up for not working.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23030
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Dwight
Ok, well played. Neither of us'll write the other up for not working.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23031
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Receptionitis15
Where?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23032
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JIM9334
The rest stop where that soda exploded on me. Exit 17, I think. 1 o'clock.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23033
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Receptionitis15
Alright. See you there. : ) P.S. I finally finished my
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23034
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Jim
[holds up an ASCII image of Dwight]
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23035
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Michael
Yeah, oh, hey. Did he call?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23036
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Holly
I just got off... Kendall? I just got off...
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23037
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Michael
No no, did, I heard you talking to Oscar about that guy. What, what happened? Did he call?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23038
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Holly
Oh, no.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23039
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Michael
Really?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23040
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Holly
No.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23041
-
Michael
Aach.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23042
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Holly
And you know what? I even got two tickets to see the Counting Crows tonight as a surprise. Why do guys not call when they say they are gonna call?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23043
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Michael
I dunno. I always call everybody back right away. He'll call back though. Give him until the end of the day, he'll call. If he doesn't, he is loco.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23044
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Holly
Thanks. That's sweet. Anyways, umm, seems like we lost to Utica by only eight pounds.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23045
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Michael
Ugh.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23046
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Holly
Well, at least everyone lost weight. That's all that really matters.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23047
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Michael
Wait, do we have until the end of the day?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23048
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Holly
So we're only eight pounds behind Utica. Now, I know it's a stretch but we could weigh ourselves again at the end of the day and maybe win this thing after all.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23049
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Andy
Leave it to me, boss. I can get this whole office to make weight. It's gonna be a little toasty in here. Good old fashioned sweat lodge.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23050
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Andy
Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them... or he quits them because they are unfair.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23051
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Michael
Hey, is that healthy food?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23052
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Kelly
Nope.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23053
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Michael
We're trying to win a contest here, Kelly. Please?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23054
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Jim
Hey, Michael. I just scheduled lunch with a client so I might be back a little late.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23055
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Michael
Ok, that is fine. Just water, and be back by weigh-in, ok?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23056
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Jim
Perfect.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23057
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Dwight
[sprays the inside of the vending machine with bug spray]
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23058
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Angela
I hate to even ask because you have been so accommodating about all the wedding stuff.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23059
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Andy
Your wish is my command.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23060
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Angela
Is there any way our first dance can be to my favorite song, The Little Drummer Boy?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23061
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Andy
Of course!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23062
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Angela
Really?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23063
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Andy
Yeah! I mean it's a great song. I always thought it was bigger than Christmas anyway. You know?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23064
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Angela
Mmhmm.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23065
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Andy
And you know what? The guys already know it so it's easy breezy.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23066
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Angela
The guys?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23067
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Andy
I didn't tell you.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23068
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Angela
Mm-mm
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23069
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Andy
Here Comes Treble, class of '96 was available for our big day, so, I booked 'em.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23070
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Angela
I don't think that...
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23071
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Andy
And, they are collectively my best man. And they are crashing with us for three weeks, so... it totally works out.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23072
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Angela
I don't know if I want your old college a capella group to be our wedding band.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23073
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Andy
Ok, I hear you, sweetheart, but this is a deal breaker. But you know what? You're gonna love these guys. Carl 1, Carl 2, Broccoli Rob, Spare Rib, Doobie, Lunch Box, Boner Champ, that's me, Pubie Lewis and the News, Hopscotch, Jingle Jangle, Sandwich. These are the best best-man a guy could ever hope for.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23074
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Angela
Let's talk about this later.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23075
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Andy
Mm-wah!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23076
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Pam
Hey! This is not half-way! I did the math. I had to drive way longer than you. Montclair would have been closer, so you have to buy lunch.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23077
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Jim
[Jim gets down on one knee]
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23078
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Pam
What are you doing?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23079
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Jim
I just... couldn't wait.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23080
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Pam
Oh my God!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23081
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Jim
Pam, will you marry me?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23082
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Pam
Oh my God!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23083
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Jim
So?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23084
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Pam
Yes!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23085
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Dwight
God. Where is Jim?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23086
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Holly
I'm calling it. I guess that's curtains for the yoga guy.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23087
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Michael
Aww, really?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23088
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Holly
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23089
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Michael
I have to say, I think the problem with that whole thing...
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23090
-
Holly
Yeah?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23091
-
Michael
...was that he was a complete stupid idiot.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23092
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Holly
Aww man, I really wanted to see them.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23093
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Michael
I know. I love Counting Crows.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23094
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Holly
Look at where my seats were.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23095
-
Michael
Wow, really?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23096
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Holly
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23097
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Michael
That's a shame. A shame to waste these. I want to buy them from you.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23098
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Holly
Michael, you don't have to buy them.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23099
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Michael
I do. No. I do. I, I want to. Trust me. I really do.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23100
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Holly
Ok.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23101
-
Michael
Ok?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23102
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Holly
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23103
-
Michael
Alright. Alright! Just, I want you to just forget about him, ok? Case closed. Umm, can I pay you tomorrow? I have like a 60 dollar limit on my ATM, so...
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23104
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Holly
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23105
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Michael
Is that good?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23106
-
Holly
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23107
-
Jim
Hey, sorry everybody.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23108
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Dwight
What are you smiling about there smiley pants? You're late.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23109
-
Andy
Wet Tuna!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23110
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Jim
Hey Dwight.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23111
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Michael
OK.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23112
-
Jim
What's up, Meredith?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 23113