Every line from The Office season 5, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 25, 2008.
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Jim
I know. I suck.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23014
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Dwight
Yes, you do.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23015
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Jim
Dwight says 'Hi.'
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23016
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Dwight
I do not! I do not say 'Hi' Pam!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23017
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Jim
Now he is saying 'Hi' louder.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23018
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Pam
I... listen, umm, we're still good for this weekend, right?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23019
-
Jim
Umm...
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23020
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Pam
No football games, recitals, karate tournaments.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23021
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Jim
Hey, can you go to IM?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23022
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Pam
OK.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23023
-
Jim
OK.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23024
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JIM9334 [screen name]
Let's meet for lunch.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23025
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Dwight
What are you writing about me?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23026
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Receptionitis15 [screen name]
What -- today?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23027
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JIM9334
Yeah. C'mon we'll meet halfway. You'll be back for your 4 o'clock class.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23028
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Dwight
I'm gonna write you both up for not working.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23029
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Jim
I'm gonna write you up for not working.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23030
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Dwight
Ok, well played. Neither of us'll write the other up for not working.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23031
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Receptionitis15
Where?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23032
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JIM9334
The rest stop where that soda exploded on me. Exit 17, I think. 1 o'clock.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23033
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Receptionitis15
Alright. See you there. : ) P.S. I finally finished my
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23034
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Jim
[holds up an ASCII image of Dwight]
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23035
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Michael
Yeah, oh, hey. Did he call?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23036
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Holly
I just got off... Kendall? I just got off...
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23037
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Michael
No no, did, I heard you talking to Oscar about that guy. What, what happened? Did he call?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23038
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Holly
Oh, no.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23039
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Michael
Really?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23040
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Holly
No.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23041
-
Michael
Aach.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23042
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Holly
And you know what? I even got two tickets to see the Counting Crows tonight as a surprise. Why do guys not call when they say they are gonna call?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23043
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Michael
I dunno. I always call everybody back right away. He'll call back though. Give him until the end of the day, he'll call. If he doesn't, he is loco.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23044
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Holly
Thanks. That's sweet. Anyways, umm, seems like we lost to Utica by only eight pounds.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23045
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Michael
Ugh.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23046
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Holly
Well, at least everyone lost weight. That's all that really matters.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23047
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Michael
Wait, do we have until the end of the day?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23048
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Holly
So we're only eight pounds behind Utica. Now, I know it's a stretch but we could weigh ourselves again at the end of the day and maybe win this thing after all.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23049
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Andy
Leave it to me, boss. I can get this whole office to make weight. It's gonna be a little toasty in here. Good old fashioned sweat lodge.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23050
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Andy
Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them... or he quits them because they are unfair.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23051
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Michael
Hey, is that healthy food?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23052
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Kelly
Nope.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23053
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Michael
We're trying to win a contest here, Kelly. Please?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23054
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Jim
Hey, Michael. I just scheduled lunch with a client so I might be back a little late.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23055
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Michael
Ok, that is fine. Just water, and be back by weigh-in, ok?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23056
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Jim
Perfect.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23057
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Dwight
[sprays the inside of the vending machine with bug spray]
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23058
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Angela
I hate to even ask because you have been so accommodating about all the wedding stuff.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23059
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Andy
Your wish is my command.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23060
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Angela
Is there any way our first dance can be to my favorite song, The Little Drummer Boy?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23061
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Andy
Of course!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23062
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Angela
Really?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23063
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Andy
Yeah! I mean it's a great song. I always thought it was bigger than Christmas anyway. You know?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23064
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Angela
Mmhmm.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23065
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Andy
And you know what? The guys already know it so it's easy breezy.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23066
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Angela
The guys?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23067
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Andy
I didn't tell you.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23068
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Angela
Mm-mm
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23069
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Andy
Here Comes Treble, class of '96 was available for our big day, so, I booked 'em.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23070
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Angela
I don't think that...
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23071
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Andy
And, they are collectively my best man. And they are crashing with us for three weeks, so... it totally works out.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23072
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Angela
I don't know if I want your old college a capella group to be our wedding band.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23073
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Andy
Ok, I hear you, sweetheart, but this is a deal breaker. But you know what? You're gonna love these guys. Carl 1, Carl 2, Broccoli Rob, Spare Rib, Doobie, Lunch Box, Boner Champ, that's me, Pubie Lewis and the News, Hopscotch, Jingle Jangle, Sandwich. These are the best best-man a guy could ever hope for.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23074
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Angela
Let's talk about this later.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23075
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Andy
Mm-wah!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23076
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Pam
Hey! This is not half-way! I did the math. I had to drive way longer than you. Montclair would have been closer, so you have to buy lunch.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23077
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Jim
[Jim gets down on one knee]
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23078
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Pam
What are you doing?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23079
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Jim
I just... couldn't wait.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23080
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Pam
Oh my God!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23081
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Jim
Pam, will you marry me?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23082
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Pam
Oh my God!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23083
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Jim
So?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23084
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Pam
Yes!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23085
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Dwight
God. Where is Jim?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23086
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Holly
I'm calling it. I guess that's curtains for the yoga guy.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23087
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Michael
Aww, really?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23088
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Holly
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23089
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Michael
I have to say, I think the problem with that whole thing...
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23090
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Holly
Yeah?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23091
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Michael
...was that he was a complete stupid idiot.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23092
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Holly
Aww man, I really wanted to see them.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23093
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Michael
I know. I love Counting Crows.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23094
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Holly
Look at where my seats were.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23095
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Michael
Wow, really?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23096
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Holly
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23097
-
Michael
That's a shame. A shame to waste these. I want to buy them from you.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23098
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Holly
Michael, you don't have to buy them.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23099
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Michael
I do. No. I do. I, I want to. Trust me. I really do.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23100
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Holly
Ok.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23101
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Michael
Ok?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23102
-
Holly
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23103
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Michael
Alright. Alright! Just, I want you to just forget about him, ok? Case closed. Umm, can I pay you tomorrow? I have like a 60 dollar limit on my ATM, so...
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23104
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Holly
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23105
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Michael
Is that good?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23106
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Holly
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23107
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Jim
Hey, sorry everybody.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23108
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Dwight
What are you smiling about there smiley pants? You're late.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23109
-
Andy
Wet Tuna!
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23110
-
Jim
Hey Dwight.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23111
-
Michael
OK.
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23112
-
Jim
What's up, Meredith?
Season 5 · Episode 1 · Line 23113